[Anjae]

AnneJ - I guess this is where 'everyone is an individual' comes in. 

Sounds like you did a great job of letting your H go.  Hasn't seemed to snap your H out of anything so far ......
Would this be your experience? Just wondering ..

Yes, I think I did a god job of letting my husband go. Maybe to god?  Nope, it did not snap him out of anything. I was much more attached to him during OW1, when he was a clinging boomerang/boomerang than since he vanished when OW2 come into play and I stop contact with him. So, giving him space did not made a difference to him. But it did a huge difference to me.

kikki, right now I don't know if I would still want so smack him to see what would come of it...maybe just let him be. I'll watch from a distance. If we manage to remove ourselves from the situation it can become quite funny to watch.

Of course I still have not so good days, but mostly, now, I look at this as a great adventure. The dangerous part is that I may had started to like this adventure too much...

[Anjae]

where the FAKING stops and you really let go.....where you just see of very very very messed up they are and how VERY VERY VERY VERY far you must get away from them.  I feel this strongly in my case ....STAY VERY FAR AWAY....

Thing is, from a certain point on you're not only staying very, very, far away from them, you become very far away from them. So far away that you can no longer see any connection.

Not being CONNECTED, seems counter productive, but that is exactly where you want to be.  Being unconnected allows you to view what your MLC'er is doing without inflicting PAIN on yourself.  You are able to function again, breath, allow yourself to heal.  Life is very interesting without the rose coloured glasses.  Strength replaces fragility.  Knowledge replaces vulnerability.  Strength and knowledge beget power and self control.  Doors open, opportunities present themselves!

Anne we don't need to know the outcome.  The condition our spouses are in now, there is no OUTCOME obvious.  Don't worry about your MLC'er, this is his/her crisis.  Use this opportunity to find out, who you are.  You are the key, for both of you actually.  The only person you need to be connected to, is YOURSELF, all the rest will fall in place, in time. 

hugs Stayed

Stayed,

Thank you so much for your words. You'r right, I'm the only person I need to be connected with. I'm not worried with the outcome. Not any more. Whatever comes would be fine with me. What i have realised is that now I know what I need and want, and have boundaries. So, if returning husband does not fulfill them, he will not do. And I'm not worried with date at all.

Sounds a bit strange to had come to this point...but it feels good. 

[kikki]

Of course I still have not so good days, but mostly, now, I look at this as a great adventure. The dangerous part is that I may had started to like this adventure too much...

That sounds like a great place to be 

[hyperglad]

Putting up with his crap for too long ha ha ...time for change 

[stayed]

Without a doubt hyper.  If you let them take control, then don't be surprised if they run with it.  The problem is, handing the reigns to an MLC'er is like allowing your 6 year old to plan all the meal menu's.   Which is OK, I suppose, if you love chocolate and junk food!

hugs... Stayed...

[Dontgiveup]

Hyperglad

I have no issue whatsoever with what you told him.  That is your choice and perhaps sometimes things need to be said.

What I do want to remind you of is the process of MLC.  You are 2.5 years post bomb drop.

[LisaLives]

Yes, 2.5 years post BD means she could easily have to live with exactly what she has right now for another 2.5 years or longer, or figure out how to make life happier while he goes through his funk...  Or whack him upside the head with the frying pan, this looks like a better option to me every day... 

[Dontgiveup]

"figure out how to make life happier while he goes through his funk"

I recommend this as soon as possible....and is a key piece of Standing.

Iron skillets are heavier.

[stayed]

Personally I think you hold your ground.  Concentrate on you.  If you both finish your journeys at the same time... BINGO... pay dirt, provided of course, you each hold the other, to your NEW HIGHER STANDARD.  If not, well too bad, so sad!  At least one of you has grown up, learned a lot, determined what you are worth, what you want and not willing to settle for less.

STANDING and then ACCEPTING whatever comes out of it... in my opinion, is not an option.   New spouse had better be one hell of an improvement over the old one.

hugs stayed

[Searching]

DGU is right"figure out how to make life happier while he goes through his funk"

I tried the hitting him in the face and it didn't work. I am paying the consequences for my actions not him. Read my thread.
Take Care,
Searching