[crazyforhim]

Where can i get more info on the Alienator and why they stay in such a messed up relationship. Why don't they leave?
Can someone enlighten me on some past experiences or more details.
I think the more I understand the stronger I become.....
Very liberating!!

Thanks for all your input
CFH

[StillStanding]

There could be any number of reasons.

They could believe the lies that your spouse tells them about you -- that you don't understand them, that they were never truly in love with you, or that they only married you for the kids.

The could be after your spouse's money, or family connections. They could have self-esteem issues or family-of-origin issues; maybe they came from a broken home of their own and think that breaking up families is "normal". (Given the divorce rate, that's not too far-fetched...)

Out of curiosity, why do you think that knowing more about the OP will help? Of all of the people that get mixed up in the MLC antics, the OP is the last person I would concern myself with...

[CrazyStuff]

CFH

If you sign up for the blog you can download a copy of a very good article on the affair and personality disorders.    You should find that it answers many of the questions you are raising and should be read alongside the infidelity articles on this forum.      Everything you need to know is contained in these articles; however, SS is correct.  In the end the OW is not the important person here.   

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/


CrazyStuff

[Foxberry]

Hi CS,

I need to believe that!  Hard though when H tells my S a couple of weeks ago that he ran away from me...because he "fell in love with OW" and has now been living with her since December 2010....... Onwards.....

Foxy xxxx

[CrazyStuff]

Foxy,

Just remember it is Onwards for us and Downhill for them.

The key is to not get too close to the drama as after a while it really is all the same plus we are too busy....

See you soon,


CrazyStuff

[crazyforhim]

I guess it's not that I want to know more about the OW- it's understanding the relationship that helps- if that makes sense.
Maybe in a wierd way the worse it is over there- the better I feel.
But I understand Foxy when you say you assume it's all wonderful and you can't get images out of your head.
It's hard, just trying to understand.
I did read in the blog about the CB- my exH is such a CB!!!
I feel I have come a long way but still some detaching to do! Help!

Thanks a bunch everyone.

[Dontgiveup]

crazyforhim

You may already know of the articles....there is a series called Betrayed: Dealing with Infidelity that has several articles that may have some insight for you.  I have linked one of them below.

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_dealing-with-infidelity_woman-scorned2.html

[Anjae]

They could believe the lies that your spouse tells them about you -- that you don't understand them, that they were never truly in love with you, or that they only married you for the kids.

I've always found this reason hard to stick. Unless the alienator does not think, how come someone is going to believe a person spends decades with another person and was not happy with them? Also, when the alienator knows the couple some of the lies may be also hard to believe. Except, of course, if you are deluded and so “in love” that you can not see past what they are telling you.

The going for the money, family or social connections makes more sense to me. Or they simply fall, or thought they had fall, in love and our spouses played along.

[Dontgiveup]

AnneJ

This is from the article I linked in the previous post. 

She is too focused on her own selfish needs and on the lies the MLCer has told about you. She knows that you've been a bad wife and don't deserve him. This is your fault, he wouldn't have left you if you were a good wife, therefore you deserve this--so No, she doesn't care that she is hurting you. Let her obsess about you; let her become jealous and controlling.

[Anjae]

Dontgive up, O know she/he does not care about the LBS. But it is not logical to believe such stuff. If someone who has being married/in a relashionsip come to me and started saying all those things about theirs spouse I would be a bit suspicious. If it was a member of a couple I knew I would be even more suspicious.

Yes, sometimes terribel things happen between a couple and no one knows. Because no one knows what happens behind closed doors... but... come on, if a man or woman leave their spouse, not just because there is someone else, but also start have behavious that are very odd for their age, or do strange things, like Thundarr?s wife that is walking aways from her elderly parents, you (the alienator) need to start making questions. Not because the alienator cares about the LBs but because ot the alienator her/him self.

And what about the spouse that leaves, there is OW/OM and then leaves OW/OM and gets another OW/OM? OW/OM nº 1 were their dream but then they are not and we (the alienator nº 2) are their true love? Kind of reaaly, really hard to swallow. Or you are only swallowing it because you want to.