I’ve also posted this on the thread The Alienator???Many questions…..
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1593.0 but thought it is a relevant enough insight into the minds of an MLCer and an alienator to be putted on a separated thread.
Had been keeping files on the computer, clearing clutter and also separating documents that may be Important for my court defence/legal reason and come across a file of messages exchanged between husband and OW1 between July and September 06.
Many things come of it, starting by how delusional they both are. Also get to know the rough part, that they’ve meet a few times before he left. But, stetting the small upstness that comes with it (after all, at this point, that is hardly surprise), it is fascinating to see the dynamics of such relationship. And it becomes clear how an alienator is controlling and manipulative.
Husband is still a vanisher and currently living with OW2 but I’m certain he will not remember most of the things he said to her. I’ve had a talk to him, in March 2008 (years before I’ve find this file) and he did not remember some things I did remember he did. So, perhaps he, now, or when he come out of the MLC, he may not even remember stuff the had done, like places where he meet with OW1 or why he meet her (same, I guess, will be valid for things said and done with OW2).
There are priceless pieces of in-fatuation “love” prose, a marvellous follow up of the scrip. And yes, they become teenagers again.
Things like, after the fist time they meet in person and had a “love” afternoon on OW1 car front seats in the end of July 2006. Must be noted that husband always dismissed the though of making love in a car as a kids stuff, ridicu]lous.
Husband “I felt live an adolescent again, like with my first love (no idea who is/was is first love. He never talked to me about her.), There is something I think about but, out of respect for Anne, I cannot say. What happened that day is all my fault, I should had not let it happened. But I had no strengths to say no. How could I it is all so strong, so intense…” (until that day they had only talked on the internet and exchanged text messages).
OW1 “Of course I understand that you could had not said it. I admire for it, I admire you for your respect for Anne. Don’t feel guilty for not had been able to prevent things from happening. How were we going to prevent it from happening? I thing it was beyond us, because, just like you’ve said, it is very intense…”
Husband: “My love, please don’t be angry. Not to disrespect by relationship with Anne, it is a many years long relationship, but, yes, I feel that what we have is so special. You are right, it is so intense…”
Now, jump to early September 2006.
OW1: “There is one thing I need to ask you, I’m sorry, but I do need to ask. Will you ever me mine and only mine?”
Husband: “I cannot answer to that. I do not know. Anything in life can happen.”
OW1: “I understand, I should had not put the question like that. I should had asked, would you ever wanted to be just with me? I respect and like you for your sincerity but I’m here fighting for us, I am giving up my values, the values that I’ve always have, for our love, to be with you. I’m a woman of strong values, a person of dignity who praises her self very high. I need to know I’m not compromising my values in vain. You’re the man I’ve been waiting for all my life, my love, please don’t let me down, please don’t let our love die. What we have is so special, so unique. I do not want to loose you, I would not bear to loose you.” (of course you praise your self very high and are very high values person. You just could not keep away from a married man…the man you’ve been waiting for all your life…
)
Husband: “I did not wanted to hurt you, my love, nor I want you to compromise your values for me. I, to, need to overcome some values so that we can be together. Sometimes I try not to even thing about what I’m doing, if I think too much I would most likely not do what I’m doing. So, I let myself be guided by my heart.”
A few days after, regarding a dinner party I and husband had been invited to as well as OW1 (by then no one knew she was OW1 and we were all part of the same cultural circle, even if she lived away and was rarely in our city.)
OW1:“I do not know what to say to MR Y, he is always so happy, talking about the dinner party, and has invited me. I do not want to hurt him not be inconsiderate but, my love, I would not be able to see you with any, I know it is absurd but I would feel betrayed.”
Some more days passed, the dinner party passed, husband and I had an argument (at this point I was already suspicious)
OW1:“My love, I’m so jealous of Anne. You both attended the dinner party and some of the people that have been there told me it was a great evening. I’m jealous of the past you two share, jealous of how you’ve spend so much time together, jealous of not been able to be part of the life of both of you. I’m even jealous you’ve had an argument with her. You’ve done well calling me, telling you’ve had an argument. You were so sad my love, so sad, I will take go care of you, I will always take good care of you.
Some more days go by, they start talking about how it would be like living together, even if, like Husband says “they do not know each other very well, they are very different, but what they have is such a beautiful love. And you, my love, make me feel alive”.
Husband : “You don’t know how to cook? I’m used to be pampered on the cooking department. I don’t cook much, I’ve only cooked the few times I’ve been on my own this years. Anne cooks. But, and this is really odd, I have a urge to cook for you, my love.”
OW1: “No, I do not know how to cook, I’m not a wife nor a house wife. I live with my family, I don’t know how to do anything, my mum does everything. Well, I cook pastas, I’m good at it. But I know I will be able to take good care of you, to praise you, do cuddle you. And we will be so happy in our little beach house, both rolled up in the couth, facing a good fire.”
There are, literally hundreds of messages between them from the end of 20 so of July and the 20 so of September. Plus the hundreds of text messages they mentioned they have exchanged, the daily lengthy conversation on messenger, the phone calls husband makes her when he is at work.
Most of the messages that are in the folder are all about she saying he is very handsome, that they should take a picture together and see how it looks great for sure, they are both very beautiful people, she says, She praises him for whatever, says she has never loved anyone like she loves him, that he is the man she’s been waiting for, the man of her life, that she knows they will be together for ever, that she is the only man for whom she excepts to give up her independence and life with. She makes plans, travelling Europe by car, walking hand in hand by the Senne, buying the beach house. She is also always talking of how jealous she is of all the women that he seeps with, of how they need to go shopping, of how much she loves shopping, shoes, dresses, how she likes to dress pretty for him, to be sweet and gentle and caring for him. How their love is so strong, capable of resisting the worst hardships.
He buys that but he never says she is the love of his life nor that he has never loved anyone like he loves her. He also says that he had loved to telll her, in person, many things about himself when they were together in the hotel bedroom.
Until he left they had seen each other, alone, four times. Twice in a hotel bedroom, (both had lied about where they were, she lied to her mother saying she was going to be with some friends, in one of the times he did not lied to me. He was in the hotel he said he was (it was work, he had a book room, she booked another one) and on the other he told me that he needed to took his sister, mother and grandmother to his grandmother village. There was no landline or internet in the grandmother house so, all I could was call in on his mobile), once in a seaside village where they had an afternoon of love in OW1 car, and once in the coach bus station, in the city we lived at (he had sneaked out of his job, easy, he always had a car job during the working hours and places to go; she had to distract the female friend that was with her) for a huge hugh and a kiss. After he left is was rented rooms, the rooms he rented, her bedroom in her parents house, and here and there more hotel rooms.
From what is on the messages the both times in the hotel prior to his leave were not that fabulous. They were “fantastic”, so sweet, but husband seems to had panicked and, on the second time, she left, first the bed in is bedroom, and moved to the other bed, and then, the room. And he “though I had lost you forever. I could not bear that I had hurt you, failed you”. And she, “IT was alright, I understand why you panicked but you need to see it, I’m compromising myself to be with you, risking a lot. I have to lie to my mother to be here”.
She also wrote him a story of the very independent Little Girl and Charming Prince. How the Little Girl that had seen all her friend marrying or getting together and having children had never meet anyone until he, the Charming Prince turned up. When he ahd, she decided she was going to give up her independence, and do what she had always said she would not do, spend her life with someone. The Little Girl had decided to change her life, wants to change her life and live a couple’s life. She knows it will be hard, but they deserve to be together, they must be together forever. The Little Girl that has never loved and her Charming Prince lived happily ever after. (NOT!)V
All absolutely priceless. And it was for such woman that my husband, and for different version of these woman and their male counterparts, that ours spouses left lifelong marriages and relationships. Some, like mine, where not happy with just one of these people and had to go for a second one. I think he is trying to life the dreamy couple life with OW2 that he never lived with OW1.
The Love Correspondence Between a Husband and OW an Insight
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