[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

http://www.repairingthebreachmarriageministry.org/ourstory.html

This may or may not be MLC but early on in the testimony he says, "I got other ideas and decided I didn't want to be married anymore or have any responsibility for my kids. I didn't think that I loved Cindy, and I told her that I wanted a divorce."  Seems it could be!

[feelinghopeful]

Thank you so very much for your story. I truly feel God is working on my marriage and family. It is all I truly gave thanks for every night. But I too have leaned many lessons on this journey. I keep seeing movement in my ex who has told me everything will be ok...."I have no doubt, trust in Him" God has never let us down and He never will"  I keep hearing the words "make ready" day after day.Thank you for reminding me that God is truly working on us and our h

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

http://www.restorationofthefamily.com/TestimonyArticles.htm

Some of these may be MLC, some not, but it is always good to read of a situation that looked hopeless and got turned around.

[Gardenia]

I read this one this morning. I thought it was very good because both husband and wife made positive changes.

http://www.kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/helphealing/lousydivorce.html?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4dbb738c627c73c7%2c0&start=1

[Standing in Patience]

Bumping this up again...

Because reviewing this thread gives other hope. Perhaps a plug for Charlyne Cares is already in here. Just google it. But there is a darn lot of stories/testimonies registered there for affairs that have ended. I don't know how many are associated with mlc or not but a fair number of them seem to shows "awakenings" and "suddenly" coming home to their spouses and families.

[Gardenia]

This is a restoration from Dana and Val Hartong's book for encouraging people standing for their marriage.


Mike & Cheryl Burke

GOD ANSWERS PRAYER

How long would You wait for your husband to come home? Would eleven years be too long? Could you still pray for your marriage to be healed if your husband had two children by another woman? Most people would give up hope long before the end of eleven years. Their friends and relatives would counsel them that their mate was never coming home, and they should get on with their life. But Cheryl never gave up hope as she stood for the restoration of her marriage. Here is her story . . .

Mike and I were married January 3, 1970, in a small church in Michigan. We believed our marriage would last forever. Divorce was not going to be an option with us. Incredibly, after only six months of marriage, I had threatened to get a divorce twice. But, God blocked my efforts. What was the problem? We argued over everything. We had differences of opinion on almost every subject. Strife and unforgiveness entered into our marriage. This opened the door for the possibility of divorce later on.

We really didn’t want a divorce, so we worked at reconciling our differences. Our first baby, Kenny, was born four years later. At our baby’s six-month check-up, the doctor talked about the Lord and invited me to church. He recommended a book, which I purchased. After reading this book, I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. That very night my husband asked me for a divorce and soon left me. I continued to read my Bible and pray for a miracle. After a few months, Mike did come home, and we moved into a new home together. It was wonderful to see Mike put his wedding ring back on. Our minister and an evangelist visited us in our home, and Mike accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Savior and was baptized.

Our second son, Ron was born in 1977 and our family was complete. But, I did not continue to depend on God after Mike and I reconciled, like I did before we reconciled. We attended church off and on, and I prayed off and on. Strife and unforgiveness slipped back into our relationship again, and three years later in 1980, Mike left.

The children and I began to pray every night for Daddy to come home. I spent a lot of time praying, repenting of my part in the situation, and asking God what He wanted me to do. I called a Christian TV counselor who told me to pray, praise, and pray for my husband’s salvation. He recommended reading Ephesians 1:3, 1:17, 18, 3:14-17 and 6:12. Good advice for the wife is given in Ephesians 5:33 in the amplified bible. There, the wife is told that she should respect and reverence her husband. She should notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, venerate and esteem him, defer to him, and love and admire him exceedingly.

The Lord led me to a spirit-filled church where the Word came alive to me. I met Nancy there. Her husband had left her about the same time as mine and we had become prayer partners. We asked the Lord to first change us. Nancy and I met with others who also felt God’s will for them was to stand for reconciled and restored marriages. We began to meet together for Bible study, prayer and fellowship. As it says in Mark 11:24, we believed that we received when we prayed. We developed wonderful friendships that sustained us.

I have to admit that I did get discouraged when year after year passed, and I didn’t see any evidence of my prayers being answered. According to Matthew 19:4-6 my husband and I were permanently joined together in marriage by our vow, and no man may separate what God has joined together. So, I had no choice. I waited.

The woman my husband was involved with became pregnant. Most people, including some Christians, discouraged me from continuing to stand and believe for my marriage. However, our prayer group remained steadfast and supportive. The Lord would encourage me with scripture like Isaiah 54:17.

But, after a second child was born to the other woman, Mike divorced me, and made their relationship legal. Eventually, they left Ohio and moved to Minnesota. I continued to stand for my marriage.

The next years were not easy, raising two little boys by myself. Kenny and Ronnie accepted Jesus as their Savior when they were very young. Although they did not have the blessing of their earthly Daddy during those years, their Heavenly Father was taking care of them and I had to trust He would restore what they were missing in His own way and in His own time.

Many times I wanted to give up, but I had many encouragers; my prayer partners, my pastor, and Dana and Val Hartong who have a ministry called New Hope for Broken Marriages. A book that was a real help to me was by P.B. Wilson called Liberated through Submission - The Ultimate Paradox by Harvest House Publishers.

We had not talked to each other for a year, when one night I received a phone call from Mike telling me, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" He said he always felt like there was a cloud over him. Prayer is powerful and I know Mike could feel our prayers and he was under conviction. About six months later, Mike wrote me a letter telling me, "GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE! I’M NEVER COMING HOME!!!"

A few letters later, his letters had changed from, "I’M NEVER COMING HOME," to "She’s moved out, can I please come and see our kids on their birthdays?"

A month later on Ken’s 17th birthday, Mike got down on one knee and proposed marriage to me, quoting some of our marriage vows. He asked me to recommit to him and to our vows. I was ecstatic and eagerly agreed.

Mike had to leave to wrap things up in Minnesota and as I walked through the house, I began to wonder if he had really been there and proposed, or if I had only dreamed it. I said to the Lord, "If only I had some tangible evidence that Mike was really here." I glanced at a small table, there I saw a note from Mike. "THE PRODIGAL HUSBAND HAS RETURNED! I LOVE YOU AND I AM TOTALLY COMMITTED TO YOU FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!!" GOD HAD ANSWERED PRAYER.

Eleven years after our separation, Mike and I were sitting in the judge’s chambers. Our sons, Ken and Ron, were with us. The judge asked why we came to him. Mike had a profound answer for him. "Our marriage was taken apart legally through the law of the land, and we’re here to have the law of the land put it back together legally." The judge’s final words were, "May God add His blessing and keep you to fulfill your covenant from this day forth." We had a wonderful honeymoon visiting Mike’s children in Minnesota.

We recently celebrated the fifth anniversary of our remarriage. Last spring, Mike was given custody of Justin and Crystal who are now 13 and 12. I love and admire my husband greatly and feel very blessed. I’m grateful to God for His mercy, and grateful to Mike for his patience and love. It took a terrific guy to do what Mike did. Mike says to tell you he loves me; he loves all our kids; he loves all our pets; and he loves our old home. He is content. I want to tell you that there is no place like being in the will of God. There might be some who would question my remarrying my husband. They would quote Deut. 24:2-4. But Jeremiah 3:1 addresses the question of remarrying your mate. It says, "Though You have left ME and married many lovers, yet I have invited you to come to me again, the Lord declares!!

We wanted you to hear a few words from our children.

KEN: I remember praying for my dad to come home starting when I was very little. I believe God is responsible for restoring our family. I did miss a lot by my dad not being home while I was growing up. But, it was nice to have him around as I was finishing school. I’m sure I’m not aware of all the ways all this has affected me. One thing I do know, I am very cautious about relationships. I want to have a marriage someday that will last a lifetime because divorce is devastating. I am happy that my Dad will be around for holidays and he’ll be there when I do marry and have children.

RON: I don’t even remember my dad before he left us. My earliest memories are praying for him to come home. I do believe that God answered our prayers, I just wish God would have done it earlier. At first when my dad came back, I was very excited, then I resented the fact that he had not been there for me, and now he was telling me what to do. It was hard to accept his authority. My dad has really tried to be the best dad he could be, and I’m happy that he’s there for me now.

I don’t believe in divorce. I grew up with one parent and I don’t want that for my children. I want my children to have both parents. I am glad that someday my kids will not only have a grandma, but they will also have a grandpa!

JUSTIN: Of course it is hard not being with both of my parents. I am glad that I spent some years with my mom, but this is where I know I should be now. I’ve been working on my grades and I even got to join wrestling this year. When my sister and I were with Dad and Cheryl a couple of years ago, we prayed and asked Jesus into our hearts. I get to go to church now, and I feel God is helping me deal with things. I believe in my heart that I am where I should be.

CRYSTAL: It’s hard not being with my mom. I miss her, but I’m glad to be with my dad. My brother and I are making new friends, and I hope to be able to get into a sport. I think this is the best lifestyle for me. I feel we are open with each other, and I feel like I fit in here. God has turned my life around, and I have a brighter future. I feel Dad and my step-mom will guide me into a good relationship when I grow up. Cheryl talks a lot about marriage, and I want to have a good one. Basically, life is good!

Was it worth it? I want to tell you that it WAS worth it!

Everything starts with Jesus, He is The Way to God. Invite Him into your heart and give him your life.

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS
Cheryl Burke

This testimony provided by:
NEW HOPE FOR BROKEN MARRIAGES
Dana & Val Hartong
24652 Featherstone Road
Sturgis, Michigan 49091
(269) 651-2187

 

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You and Cause His Face to shine upon you

and give you Peace..:-)

[StandandDeliver]

I don't know what to make of that story - they are hopeful in one sense, but extremely depressing in another. Because no matter how you look at it there are two sets of children growing up without both biological parents together. The man's first family were practically grown by the time he returned and he had missed the childhood years. The man's second family then lost their father, were reunited with the father but now (for a reason not elaborated) are growing up without their mother.
The man literally mucked around with everyone but the true "victims" of his behaviour are 4 innocent children.

If my H has children with OW, there is no way I am ever having him back. Because I would not be the reason he walks away from more children. My children have already been abandoned, I would take him back on the condition that he had no other children. If he wants to abandon another child or set of children, I will not be the excuse.

I know I sound rigid, but this story is a tragedy and I am not sure how I feel about it.

[StillStanding]

Even though they are growing up without their biological mother, it sounds like the children from the other marriage have been accepted into the family. The fact that he was granted custody of his children with the OW makes me wonder what happened to her. Is she in jail? Could she be doing a midlife transition or crisis of her own?

Life is messy; there is no guarantee of what will happen in our MLCers' lives, or how (or even if!) reconciliation will occur.

A friend of mine told me that if you put limits or preconditions or what you would accept from your MLCer before refusing to take them back or filing for divorce, the devil will do his utmost make sure you get to that point; his fondest wish is to destroy loving marriages, and he will use anything and anyone to accomplish that.

[StandandDeliver]

Hi SS, I agree that life is complicated and messy! And of course, it is possible that the biological mother is not able to take adequate care of the children and they are in the best possible place. But I guess what I meant was that I would like to know more about the person (due to MLC and/or the influence of the devil) who created a situation with all these children growing up without both parents (the MLCer). Does he feel true remorse? How does he explain the situation to the children from the 2nd marriage? I often read these synopses of reconciliations and just feel like it gives hope, but very little detail (I understand that people do not want to share everything and that we would be reading novel sized books if they did). But, I suppose I wish that I could hear the story from the viewpoint of the MLCer. Do they have any concept of the magnitude of the destruction created by their actions - the possible long term repurcussions on children? I know that many will say that the reconciliation shows children the power of true forgiveness which is the optimistic view, but one could also argue that it shows children that they can go off be selfish for a number of years, abandon families and responsibility and then return again despite all the pain they have caused - it would be interesting to see how the adult children of returners go on to participate in their primary adult relationships and if they repeat the MLC pattern - if children of divorce are more likely to divorce (which statistics suggest that they are) are children who have been abandoned more like to abandon too? (and does the eventual return of the absent parent affect that at all?) Maybe because I have small children, but I am interested in the repurcussions that these behaviours have on the affected children all of them, including those from the second marriage. As I said, I know that I sound harsh (and maybe I am tempting the devil and fate) but I wonder about the outcomes. What if the children in this situation had remained with their mother, would that make the father more at fault for leaving more children behind, again? Does the fact that the OW was probably a serious affair-down change the fact that her children are paying the price for the actions of two messed up grown ups? I just have a lot of questions when I read some of these returns (particularly where children are concerned). Ok, so I would probably hear H out if he wanted to come back having given another woman children (out of curiousity as much as anything else), but I would have to feel that he really, REALLY, REALLY understood how many lives his crisis had disrupted (yes, even OW, not to diminish her culpability) if there were other children involved too, in order for me to consider taking him back...

[LisaLives]

I agree S&D, this is why I started the thread about "When he Marries the OW."  I have very mixed thoughts about standing in light of a marriage.  I would never be the OW, so his marriage would have to implode, he would have to heal from that, and from the remains of our divorce and then still want me.  Even optimistically, that could take YEARS...  And even if they produce no new children, she still has two little boys who look to him as a father--and what about that?  And today there was a good essay on Huff Post that is somewhat related:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jodyne-speyer/the-other-woman_1_b_1171702.html

So many confusing issues and conundrums caused by divorce...