[Madmax]

I have another story to share.  I met. Woman last night who sounded like she was the MLCer.  Divorced her husband then dated a much younger man for a little over a year.  He actually died, but fast forward to three years later and now she and her exhusband are dating.

i told my MLCer this story and he just laughed.

[Beautiful Heart]

Hi everyone!
I told this story over on my thread and was asked to share it here with all. It really is inspiring and hopeful to all of us LBS out there. I hope you all find some inspiration with this little story.


Well, it's freezing here in California...lol...I'm sure I don't even know what I'm talking about when it comes to freezing! It's been about 26 degrees here in the a.m. No snow, just very cold! Burrrrr! I'm so spoiled with the sunny days here in California, when winter hits I just hate it. But we need it, we really need the rain here.
Anyway...I go to turn the heater on, and of corse it doesn't work! The house is so cold we are wearing coats and blankets on our shoulders around the house. So, I call my BIL, my sisters H, or shall I say ex H! I love this man! Anything I need, he comes running. But, I love him just for who he is too!
He has so much compassion for what I am going through, and so does my sister. He has been there for me, by my side, for anything I may need. He will be here tomorrow to look at my heater and hopefully fix for me. I am so grateful that my sis lets him run over anytime.

The reason for this story is that my BIL went into MLC several years  ago. He suddenly left my sister, got involved with 3 different women, was engaged to two of them, drank heavily and was clinger. He was gone for about 1.5 years. My S was devastated! Just like all of us! She hung on, just like all of us!
She would not give up on him, and today, and every day she is so happy she did not. They are happier than they have ever been. They get along better, and will re-marry soon.
When my H left me, my BIL was devastated...he tried to talk to my H he want to tell him that it isn't worth it, and he, my H wasn't having it. As a matter of fact...I think H told him that he has no room to talk! Something like that!
Well...now my BIL is getting a real understanding of what my sister went through, he makes it up to her every day. And, I think he is giving back, when he comes running to help me out. I can truly say he is a wonderful man, in spite of everything he has done to my sister, himself, and their daughter.
My sister often tells us...her biggest hurdle was forgiving him, but it had to be done. I have the greatest respect for her for all she gone through, and had the courage to forgive. She has never thought twice about her decisions to stand and forgive. I have learned many lessons from both of them, and as I called him this eve about my heater, it registered with me what a wonderful man he really is, deep down inside.
He became the typical MLCer, but he came back a better man, the same man, but a better man.
My sister also believes that his MLC happened for a reason, because they are much better in their relationship now, and you know what, I believe it! I see it! I am so grateful to have them both in my life.

I will have hope!

[Beautiful Heart]

Beautiful Story BH, thank you for sharing.  Since this is close to you can you tell others how your sister acted during this time apart?

Hi JoJo,
I would be happy to share what my S went through. Now that I think about it...as I think about her actions, they are are not far off from the stories told here.
My S is very tough girl, she has endured a lot in her life, but nothing would prepare her for what her H did to her in his MLC. The one person she loved and trusted the most. They were, and, still are childhood sweeties! Lol
My sister was heart broken at BD, to say the least. She did the begging and pleading in the beginning. Her H would not hear it. She lost tons of weight, and went into depression. She remained strong because she had a young daughter to care for. When she found out about the 1st OW, she made her H move out of the house. He didn't want to but she forced him. She immediately filed for D and got it.
She even went to meet the OW at a coffee shop because she knew OW would be there when her D was with her dad. My S made it clear to her that she was "just temporary"!! LOL
My S said when she told OW this, the look on face was priceless.

Anyway, my S tried dating and it didn't feel right, she eventually went about her life, and got a life! She took care of herself, went out with her friends, got a FT job and started her own life. She had her ups and downs as to weather her H would ever return. I can remember getting to the point that she did not want him back. When her D was final we all gathered and burned her marriage cert in the fireplace  . It makes me sad to recall that night.
He was a big time clinging boomerang. When he expressed to her that he wanted to come home 1.5 yrs later, she made it clear to him that he would have to prove himself to his family if he ever was to consider coming home.
She was tough on him, but she was also his friend, she took care of his bills for him each month as I remember. He was extremely dysfunctional at times and drank lots of alcohol. He jumped through many hoops for her so she would let him come home. They were good hoops though, hoops that made him grow up! He tells me regularly that "he feels like the luckiest man alive" that my S let him come home. I hope some of this helps and gives hope to others!

XXX~BH

[toughtimes]

Thought I would add, my brother is a very private person, not very emotionally intelligent, since h left he has been very supportive of me with regard to legal stuff. I don't think he relates to h's behaviour but when I was sad one time a while ago I said to my brother "he hates me B he totally hates me" my brother replied "he hates himself tt not you, he hates himself" ... That's coming from a pretty closed guy who has been through it. I hold on to that one. Hope it helps.

I have a few stories but I think I already posted about them a while ago. Let me know if it would be helpful to share again. Hugs tt xx

[toughtimes]

So, there's my brother and his partner, they are all sorted.

My best friend's h had a crisis around early thirties, not mlc but played out exactly the same. He started a masters degree and got so full of himself. He felt unhappy inside but was happy with course etc. so decided it was my bf that was making him unhappy. She had suspicions about a girl on his course, turned out he was seeing her. He was fairly honourable, didn't take anything from bf, she got to stay in their flat. She cut contact and thrived. After a while he slipped into deep depression, had loads of therapy, worked out his foo issues. Two years later ... To the day, they were back together, got married have two kids now.
My mil had a mlc at about same age as my h. She started an affair and disappeared every weekend and on holidays. My h was 13/14/15. Two years later she sat down with my fil and said "can we sort things out, I'm not happy living this lifestyle" he replied "you're too late, I've fallen in love with .... (She was a friend of both mil and fil) you need to move out and I want a D." So an attempt to return bit lbs had moved on.

A really good friend, two kids and h had an affair with a hairdresser! He moved out. She was left looking after two small kids and devastated. His affair lasted six months. He lived bachelor lifestyle for a while them had intense therapy. He was experimenting with different religions, had big foo issues. He was a total pain, didn't see kids unless he had to. We all thought he was awful (turns out my h comes out worse in comparison tests!!!). My h thought he was a gutless, non-man!!! Anyway, four years later he asks my friend if she would take him back! He said he wanted to say something 3 years after bd but didn't feel he could. My friend said no, she just couldn't imagine being with him again. She had lots of therapy which helped her. She's happy and an amazing mum, has a boyfriend.

My boss told me about her parents divorce ... Her dad had an affair with one of her second cousins or something. He gradually took things out the house, like the kids birth certificates. He was major crazy monster to my boss's mother. She was absolutely devastated. My boss was disgusted and didn't want to have anything to do with her father. Her brother and sister did keep in touch and years later her dad asked them "do you think your mum would ever have me back?" ... He had behaved so appallingly, there was no way. So yet again, the lbs had the say in the end.

I think from anecdotal evidence, it totally fits with all the research rcr has done and our experiences here. The good thing about these stories is that we have the full picture. Each one of those examples I have follow the mlc script, some individuals are temporarily bonkers! My friends exh, the one who had the affair with the hairdresser, I think he is pathologically selfish but his behaviour during those years post bd was definitely script.

Trust the process, I have found it so hard, but as I detach more and more it becomes clearer. All the lbs I know have worked on becoming bigger and better versions of themselves. They have healed and flourished and partners have worked through their crisis and realised the problem wasn't the lbs but themselves.

[Jackolar12]

Hi thank you for posting this return story it has given me renewed hope for my prodigal spouse and God the good shepherd finding the lost sheep (spouse/Black sheep/go stand in the naughty corner and face the wall type of sheep ha ha) but seriously it has both brought me to tears reading it and strengthened my belief in God and the sacred covenant of marriage,reading this has made me proud to be a Christian and be on the forum with all you kind,thoughtful,stressed,anxious,hurt,healing and lovely wonderful people,God bless you all.

Kind regards
Jackolar12

[Beautiful Heart]

Thank you for posting your stories TT. 

[StillHoping]

The worst of my journey is finally coming to an end.

After 2 years and 8 months, he is finally coming back home.  He told me tonight that tomorrow, he is going to clean out his closet at our house and move his clothes back from his apartment.

Long story short.  He was a clinger, came home every weekend for a couple of hours.  After crying every day for a year and a half, I woke up one morning and decided to change.  I read everything I could about detaching, love languages, Men in MLC and at least 8 other books.  I got stronger by the day and he noticed.   I stopped asking where, when and why.  I lived my life as if he was never coming back, like so many had advised me. 

He asked me in January if I wanted him back. I said yes, but he was still seeing OW (out of state, once a month)

I went to Germany to see my family this summer, when I came home, he was at the airport, waiting.  He said he wanted to come home when his lease was up the end of December.  I just said ok and let it go; I had no expectations.

Tonight, we went out for a drink and he told me that he's going to clean out his closet at our house , so he can move all his things back tomorrow.  He's giving his furniture away.  He asked if I wanted it and I said, very friendly,  I don't think I want those reminders at the house, give it away.

He kissed me good night, said I love you and I told him I was glad he was coming back home.  He said "I'm glad to come home, too.

So, tomorrow is the day.  It will be weird, I know, but I know we will get through this.  Like they say, it will take time, time to come home and more time to adjust to the coming home.

We are going to see his mom for Christmas.  In 2011, he didn't go, in 2012, he stayed in a separate hotel room, this year when I asked if I was staying in a separate room he said :why would you do that, you're my wife .   

He booked a 5 day cruise for the two of us to the Cayman Islands.  He said I got us a room with a balcony so we can have breakfast there in the morning    We are leaving the say after Christmas. 

I'm still afraid to let myself love him the way I did before, but I hope with time, that too, will come back.

I wish everyone the best and thank you, to all my forum friends who have offered me so much support and a shoulder to cry on.

Stillhoping

[Beautiful Heart]

OMG Stillhoping,
I'm so glad I saw your post tonight! So happy for you!

 
Beautiful Heart~

[StillHoping]

Thank you, Beautiful Heart

I need the good wishes and your time will come, too.  Just be patient, no matter how hard it is, it will pass and things will eventually get better.

The best advice I can give is to detach from all the madness and let them deal with it on their own, don't get involved, don't take it personal, because it's not. 

best wishes!

SH