[MarkedandHealed]

Hey all, I was just playing on my itunes and found a few podcasts that were on midlife crisis. I'm just starting to listen through them. However, I am half way through the first and I wanted to come on and recommend it. If the others are good also, I'll post them later.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/straight-talk-for-women-blog/id309529140

You can also find it in your itunes under Straight Talk For Women - Can Your Marriage Survive Midlife Crisis. This woman's husband is a minister and he went through MLC and they both talk about it and what to do. She also has some adultery podcasts that I'll subscribe to after I'm out of work.

Enjoy!

previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1231.0

[With Gods Help!]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very interesting xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

RCR Comment: Please do not post complete articles of someone else's published work. Give an excerpt and a link to the full article or an exceprt and cite the source.

Now That You Are Separated

Put some distance between you. Disengaging is hard. Whether you were together for a long time or the relationship was very intense, your dreams, values, and emotions are tied to the other person - that's normal. If you were have some codependent or narcissistic traits , or are insecure - then you are even more entwined. This is why it is hard to let go.

The longer you stay connected, the longer it will take to disengage, heal, and move forward.

Initially, it is best to end all “personal” discussions - stay away from comments like “how do you feel”, “what are you doing” or making any value statements like “you really should see a therapist”.

Conduct your business and move along. Do not meet alone, bring an outside observer, or meet in a very public place. Keep the conversations strictly on the topic (e.g., exchanging the children, making a business decision, etc) and if the former partner gets personal, end the conversation. The same advice goes for e-mail, if it gets personal, don't respond. Send personal mail back unopened (e.g., cards, etc) with no note. Do not do anything that could be interpreted as a message.

All this will help you disconnect.

For more: http://hopebackman.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/now-what/

Leaving a Person With Borderline Personality Disorder

The beginnings of a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be intoxicating when your partner is brimming with jubilation because you are in their life. Then inexplicable dark moments of resentment begin breaking through the infatuation and your partner acts in cold and even cruel ways. These extreme highs and lows are commonplace in “Borderline” relationships.

In the most troubled relationships, it is not uncommon for a BPD partner to unexpectedly abandon the relationship or do something so hurtful that one cannot continue. Your partner may emotionally discard you or become abusive - leaving you to feel oppressed and broken. Or you have invested yourself in the relationship and all the latest communication and relationship tools, but the relationship has eroded and you have no more to give.

So they leave you - or you break up with them - or one of you finally decides not to reconcile, yet again. If any of this is you, read on.

For more: http://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2010/12/leaving-person-with-borderline_28.html

[kikki]

Thanks for posting WGH - I truly had no idea people like this existed until the last couple of years!!

[With Gods Help!]

Hi Kiki i thought this could either way was it our spouses once mlc took over or is ow/om ? and what if their is no other person......i can recognize many of these behaviors in quite a few mlcers xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Mamma Bear]

   This is probably why LGs H has to go break up with OW so often.  LG where art thou?

[With Gods Help!]

Ohhhhhhhhhh Mamma lmao you really crack me up......in a good way mind i wish i could meet you in RL.........it would make this whole process of mlc worth it lol ...........and yeah where is LG wonder if shes giving her h some good loving before he runs again keep them memories going LG  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[LettingGo]

I'm here, but just for a minute!! Sadly, my husband couldn't resist stopping at OW's in CT on his way home to PA from Canada.... I last heard from him Thursday night when he called to RANT about his job, yada, yada.... he WAS legitimately frustrated... but it was also a SETUP for not making it home on Friday.... I had forwarded him some Mortgage info he needs to attend to as far as our new home purchase on NOVEMBER 18Th, and I got an email "reply" on Saturday... something about "I can't wait 'til we get this house and finally have a HOME!! Love you!! I'll take care of this when I get home..."

Now, we all know that was just him trying to CONVINCE me of..... I dont' know what, quite frankly..... there is no dummy stupid enough to believe that he's working all weekend.... uh..... I think I've seen this about a million times before....

So, I've had some cycling.... not too bad, but what can you do? He can't manage himself right now and must really be swirling about the house, but HEY..... it was HIS idea to buy it, LOL!! I'm just going along with the plan! Hope he likes all of the stuff I'm picking out....

I cannot possibly fathom WHY the OW sh** is still going on, other than the MLC timeline and crazy enmeshment with OW..... it's very discouraging and disheartening, I won't lie... to see him struggle and feel compassion and want to root for him, but then....it hurts to find that this time is just another FAILURE...

I'm used to this whole crap, so I switched to plan B and took care of the contractor busines... see... I don't get to AVOID and ESCAPE..... and had my parents over for Saturday and Sunday.. tired from it, but we had a good visit and they did the yard work, LOL!! I do hate that he seems to time his escape to OW's just when I finally get a weekend off.... like everything else in MLC, he is missing out on SO MUCH GOOD and potential fun and love and WASTING his life on staying drunk and fighting with a stupid skank all weekend.... I don't know how he will ever forgive himself.... he will have MAJOR regrets....

Never fear, Mr. LG will text around 10am tomorrow morning asking if I will be home for him to stop by and "get me some gas" on his way to a job or whatever... OR, he will gain enough courage to CALL around the same time with "HI, HONEY!! I'm about 3 hours away... are you working today?" as if he doesn't know.... more like he doesn't CARE... it's all fake. My PLAN is to be OUT, or if IN, to zip my lips and not get into it.... but if he starts in with that bullsh** story and about how awful it was to have to stay through Saturday and how his Stupid BOSS doesn't know what he's doing, yada, yada... I will have to calmly tell him to STOP the insanity... he told me he KNOWS I don't believe his lies, but he WISHES I did, so that I wouldn't get hurt...

Maybe the house will serve to draw him back, but there is no MAGIC button that will snap him out of it... if cutting him off completely would do the trick, then he would have been home a year ago.... they PANIC if you kick em to the curb... they PANIC and try and run back to you, but it won't last.... they must finish up what the MLC started. Too bad they destroy themselves and their loved ones in the interim.

Mamma, i love reading your descriptions...... I really do!! Love to all... LG

[Mamma Bear]

  LG In God's Time and how and when you least expect it.
  Really is amazing that we found each other. Imagine being like RCR or Stayed or HB and having to go it alone. 
  I'd probably be remarried by now. LOL!!!   a nice Jewish doctor perhaps

[kikki]

OMG - that reminded me of one of my H's many lines at BD!

'You'll be okay, you deserve much better than this - you'll remarry a Doctor' (huh? why a doctor?)

[Mamma Bear]

  KiKi It's a mindset. A beautiful woman should be able to marry a doctor and never have to worry.  It's something you deserve. Not the MLCer with low self worth.  He thinks you're too good for him!   It's a compliment before they run down the street to get away from all of that beauty and deserving qualities.