[Writingmom]

It seems to me that when H is kind it means one of two things:  he feels guilty about how he's treated me OR he's about to do something that he knows I won't approve of. 

Anyone notice a leaning more toward one or the other?  Neither? 

[stillhere]

I also have quickly noticed these two possibilities, or at least that is what I think is happening in his head.  I also suspect that his niceness is also a function of what he "got away with" and guilt relief somehow.   That also seems to be related right now to his momentum to leave.  Every step he makes in that direction makes him happy.  I've not noticed one more than the other thus far.  I suspect it's hard to tell because of the cycling.  I'm starting to chart his moods and what I know is happening/happened.   That may not be for everyone, but it helps me.  I'm still very new to this though. 

[LIVINSTRONG]

I am sometimes concerned that when H is being nice it is so that he has a comfortable place to stay when he is in town for work. I have also noticed that when he is planning something that he knows will upset or hurt me that he will not look me in the eye and will hardly talk to me treats me like a stranger.

[Writingmom]

Yep.  No eye contact and jittery.  Noticed that too, not that I've laid eyes on the man in awhile.  Strange.  I wish I could understand how they have remorse for some things and not for others; how they know when they've screwed up and when they're in denial. 

Like OP says, believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do.  Nice or not, so true.   

[ForeverHopefulOne]

My H is always nice to me - only spewed once, and even then was very apologetic after.  His niceness is un-nerving to me; sometimes I can't take it - it just makes me cry.  Sometimes, he just seems so happy in his new life and that's when he really pours on the kindness towards me.  It makes me feel like he has truly moved on and is now trying to make sure that I am happy and moving on as well.

[Courageous wife]

FHO

My H is the same as yours...he is always nice...somtimes he talks up a storm and other times he is in such a dang hurry to leave.  I hardly see him.  In a lot of ways, I am thankful for that because it has been easier to detach but  on the other hand, I feel the same as you, that he is totally happy with his choices and has moved on with no looking back!!!

[ForeverHopefulOne]

It makes me wonder, CW, if maybe my H really was miserable for all those years and is now so relieved to be out.  There were some problems in our marriage, mainly intimacy, but I always felt as though we could overcome anything together.  When I said my vows, I MEANT THEM!  Sometimes I feel as though his happy demeanor is telling me that he could care less about those vows to me - ugh!  So many questions, and NO answers.  What a mess.

[Courageous wife]

FHO

I know it is hard not to think those thoughts but we have to put them out of our heads!  Our M's were not perfect...we can own our parts in what was wrong in it and work on fixing those things and that is all we can do! 

[ForeverHopefulOne]

CW, you're right, and I know it - I just wish someone would tell my heart!  I sometimes get stuck in the shoulda-coulda-woulda's. 

Going to get my hair done today - gonna get rid of the extra grey hairs I have accumulated over the last few months - lol.

[in His hands]

WM, my experience with H being nice was:  HE WANTED SOMETHING!  Always, after he got what he wanted, he suddenly wasn't nice anymore.  In fact, anything good that I did seemed to vanish from his memory.  iHh