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Author Topic: Discussion Breaking up wiht a BPD partner

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Discussion Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#20: November 27, 2011, 02:43:49 PM
OK, the article on being married to a man cheating with a borderline is EXCELLENT, though a bit depressing..... The explanation that their attraction to the borderline has to do with their childhood issues confirms what I suspect.... pointing this info out to your MLCer is probably a huge waste of time, as they think there is nothing really wrong with them that they can't handle. Also, they think they "fell in love" out of the blue and have NO idea how they are a magnet for this type of damaged human being.... The fact that the OW hangs on is the MAJOR FRIKKIN' CLUE that she is borderline.... MAJOR, but he might not EVER be able to see it, and I HATE that it puts the focus on HER and her role in our lives, but she DOES infect our lives, unfortunately...

I STILL believe that BECAUSE THEY ARE IN A CRISIS OF DEVELOPMENT, probably resulting in a GROWTH and SHEDDING of the OLD issues and personality traits, that they can overcome the BPD OW...... even if she weren't BPD, he would still be addicted. I say, time will HEAL ALL WOUNDS... his and yours. DO AS SHE ADVISES, and don't make yourself available to their drama... especially HERS.
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"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

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The softest of stuff in the world penetrates quickly the hardest insubstantial. It enters where no room is...

Lao Tsu
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#21: November 27, 2011, 02:53:18 PM
LG - I agree - depressing as anything!

I too am scratching my head, wondering why, after breaking up, this OW would still cling.  How can people be this mucked up and still manage to function?
But they seem to ........
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#22: November 27, 2011, 05:49:43 PM
Quote
OK, for some reason...I have continued reading up on BPD relationships...

You're doing RESEARCH for the same reason I was sent into a OW/OM board many years ago; to LEARN what you need to learn about woman such as these, Synicca.

It  doesn't mean that you're sucked into the drama; it simply means you need to learn some things for later use; some of it for your own knowledge, some of it is for you to help others in this type aspect; and there are MANY aspects and affair partner types.

My research was to learn about OWs as a whole; and I even read about MPD....these were real eye openers as I'd never really known about these kinds of people before who are predators, users, and the problems within are horrific.

Of course, my research didn't stop there; it encompassed all types of psychological problems, and I absorbed much more than I ever thought I did from all of the reading/researching I did for a long period of time.

I often find knowledge coming back that I read about so long ago; so it is stored somewhere in my poor excuse for a brain.  :)

Synnica, your Intuition is leading you down this path for reason; and you'll need to learn all you can so you can deal with what's happening....I'd almost bet your Intuition will instruct you to throw truth darts in the form of various truths this researching is giving you...and the time for these to be thrown is not that far away.

Pay strict attention and learn all you can in this area...you're walking the right way; doing the right thing. :)

Love,
HB
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Our marriage survived His MLC, with the help of the Lord.
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There is hope as long as you love your MLC spouse, and, are willing to learn the  life's lessons that are set before you as a result of this crisis.
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#23: November 27, 2011, 06:00:50 PM
Thank you soooo much HB

Quote
Synnica, your Intuition is leading you down this path for reason; and you'll need to learn all you can so you can deal with what's happening....I'd almost bet your Intuition will instruct you to throw truth darts in the form of various truths this researching is giving you...and the time for these to be thrown is not that far away.


I completely agree here...It was nagging at me for a while,but got really strong after the OW cut her wrists, and the funny thing is...I was ignoring it yesterday..then I felt liek I got yelled at! LOL!! I do believe this is where I am headed...I am going to need ALL the tools here. and truth darts? You betcha! ;)

(((hugs)))
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#24: November 27, 2011, 06:21:17 PM
Quote from: Synicca on November 27, 2011, 06:00:50 PM
I am going to need ALL the tools here. and truth darts? You betcha! ;)

Remember.. darts.. not throwing stars  :o
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M: Feb. 1988
BD: June 12, 2011 (Day after youngest son's HS graduation)
3 young men: in their 20s and on their own
R Status: Left home Sept. 11, 2011 returned Feb. 2013
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#25: November 27, 2011, 06:28:36 PM
Listen to HB..... forget what I said, LOL!!

Wish HB would give me a word or two... no pressure, hahahaha!! But I thank you for directing me when I needed it most..... ;)
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"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

-- Will Rogers

The softest of stuff in the world penetrates quickly the hardest insubstantial. It enters where no room is...

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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#26: November 27, 2011, 06:29:33 PM
Quote
I completely agree here...It was nagging at me for a while,but got really strong after the OW cut her wrists, and the funny thing is...I was ignoring it yesterday..then I felt liek I got yelled at! LOL!!

The Lord said that He hit you hard enough to make you jump!  LOL!!   It felt like your head had been literally "filled" with ONE voice that "blanked" everything else out.  I've had that experience; and when He needs to, He WILL get your attention in this way.  :)

It's important to obey Him the FIRST time; don't let it get to the point He seems SO loud your head feels like it's coming off....Synnica, you're one of the few I knew that gets done this way; so you can feel REALLY special in that aspect....He is really on the ball when it comes to you and helping you with your situation; even if some things He tells you to do don't make a whole lot of sense, sometimes. :)

Carry on and keep me posted. :)
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Our marriage survived His MLC, with the help of the Lord.
I have learned that true strength is built through the trials we endure.
There is hope as long as you love your MLC spouse, and, are willing to learn the  life's lessons that are set before you as a result of this crisis.
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#27: November 27, 2011, 06:35:02 PM
LG, Honey. :)

Quote
Listen to HB..... forget what I said, LOL!!

Wish HB would give me a word or two... no pressure, hahahaha!! But I thank you for directing me when I needed it most..... ;)

I saw what you had written, and wondered about it; thought that MIGHT be possible; then read on; and as I got to the current end of the thread, Lord literally turned me around, showing me what Synnica was doing; and what His instructions for her were/are.

I wasn't going to post anything; as nothing required an answer...but you see what happened; I gave her a word or two to CONFIRM what she already knew. :)

Watch out, LG; when you least expect it, I'll be sent in to see what you are up to, LOL!!  For now, however, you have all that you need; and you're open to your signs, Angels, and Intuition; and you have no need of me at this time. :)   He continues to work within your situation, though; and if anything needs changing; you will know; just as you've always known.  :)

There's your word, Sweetie. :)

Love,
HB
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Our marriage survived His MLC, with the help of the Lord.
I have learned that true strength is built through the trials we endure.
There is hope as long as you love your MLC spouse, and, are willing to learn the  life's lessons that are set before you as a result of this crisis.
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#28: November 27, 2011, 06:40:24 PM
I hear your words ALL THE TIME, HB... I really do!! I pay attention to ALL of my guidance and I learned how to PRAY..... my best weapon and protection, LOL!! I no longer fret over the outcome... I know my life is GOOD and I have much to be grateful for... but thanks for your words of encouragement!! I sure hope you are feeling better... I sure do.... ;) XO LG
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"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

-- Will Rogers

The softest of stuff in the world penetrates quickly the hardest insubstantial. It enters where no room is...

Lao Tsu
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Re: Breaking up wiht a BPD partner
#29: November 27, 2011, 06:45:25 PM
Thank you AGAIN HB....That helped ALOT!! :D

I will keep doing what I'm doing...;)

Many hugs!!

LG, You know your allready there...I believe it, so should you!!

(hugs)
:D
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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