[Synicca]

Hmmm this topic has taken off like crazy!

I know before BD for about the pryer 2 years honey would turn me down for sex almost all the time...even though I was the one sleeping on the couch, when I tried to go to him, he had better things to do. But blames me NOW for never wanting sex with him.  Its amazing how they rewrite EVERYTHING before and after BD. so many things twisted I wonder what they CAN believe. Sheesh! How can they keep up with all the lies they tell and rewrite?? Insane!!

Honey STILL thinks I NEVER wanted sex...STILL thinks we havent had ANY good sex since BD...He must have been somewhere else....lala land!

[StandandDeliver]

Syn,

How can they keep up with all the lies they tell and rewrite?? Insane!!

The simple answer to that is they can't! Which is why we think we are going crazy until we stand back and recognise that they they constantly "change" their story, depending on their mood, the person they are talking to, the way the think we are looking at them, the fact that they haven't heard the sound of their own voice in over 10 mins...

One of the things that made me feel that there was something very very wrong with my H at BD,was when I realised he was contradicting himself at times, practically in the same sentence. I would look at him like this,  , waiting for him to recognise the absurdity of something he had said, and when he didn't it became clear that old H had left the building...

[Synicca]

S&D

I hear ya! Sometimes while honey and I are in some discussion about the past...I get so frustrated because it IS insane
to listen to them rewrite everything and you just want to smack them back into reality!

I soooo wish I had recorded EVERY convo we have had in the last 3 years, just to go back later and let him listen to his nonsense! LOL! I bet the MLCers would be like "huh? I did what?" " I said that??" 

I hate that the BLAME always has to be on the LBS...Its like "GET A CLUE" darn MLCers anyway!

One day honey WILL know the truth.....parts of it anyway. Cant wait to see The look on his face when the light finally comes on!

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

I always liked the stand taken by the gentlemen who own the chain of Omni hotels.  It is not cheap, of course, to buy TVs for every room in a bunch of hotels.  However if you are willing (as most hotel owners are) to offer your clients porn movies on demand, the porn industry will purchase TVs with those capabilities for you saving you something like $400 per room.  From a business standpoint this makes all kinds of sense.  But the Omni guys, family men, could not bring themselves to allow it.  They kept thinking on how they'd not like for their wives, daughters, etc. to be getting onto an elevator with a man who'd just filled his mind with pornographic images, and they felt if they offered porn on demand, it would make THEM personally responsible for scenarios like that.  So the Omni is one of a very few hotel chains where, if you are wanting to watch some porn on demand, you are not going to want to stay there.  If you do, well, there are plenty of other places to stay!

[Synicca]

wow Wed, That's pretty interesting and amazing if you think about it...How many times have one of us been sitting in an elevator with men in a hotel and felt like they were "watching" us....eeew! That's a creep feeling. Ugh!

[Poppy]

      Hi,

My husband has never said he was no longer sexually attracted to me.


The only time he has mentioned "sex" was a couple of weeks after BD.


I asked......how could he have carried on having sex with me, whilst pursuing OW, his reply was.....Oh....we hadn't had sex for two weeks!

My reply was....That's true, you spent 2/3 weeks hanging off the edge of the bed! So prior to the "hanging" off the edge of the bed, we were still having sex, please explain to me how you could have sex with your wife whilst pursuing OW.

His reply...... Oh well.....that was just LUST!

Roflmao! Well at least he still lusts me!

Look at it like this .....If they are having sex 3/4 times a night with OW, they ain't doing it right!. It's QUALITY that counts NOT QUANTITY! Hey...maybe they have lots of false starts, or maybe they start something they can't finish, if you understand me.  ;-)

My brother left his wife a few years ago (swine!) for OW, he told me...... when your having sex with OW, you think of your WIFE!  Oooh I say!!



Hugs guys xxx

[Finding Hope]

I cannot believe how much we have in common. My h too before BD would come up with reasons he couldn't have sex with me. He was tired, he was busy. Sometimes he would just say later and later never happened. Then when we did have sex (and we would go months without it), it was slam bam thank you mam. No foreplay, no hugging, no kissing, nothing. I we could only do it in one positition because his back hurt, hes knees hurt. When we were finished, in record time he would get up, get dressed and leave me in bed. I would say to him why don't you just leave twenty bucks on the bed. He NEVER got it. At least I know now that it wasn't me, it was him. Before he started acting different sex was amazing.

Hopefully we get to that stage again, we'll see.

Me

[L&S]

For anyone who has dealt with or suspected an addiction to pornography, I would recommend reading the book "The Porn Trap."  It is non-judgmental, pro-sex, and entirely secular in its attitude toward pornography.  It is written by a female and male sex therapist who at times used various forms of pornography to treat sexual problems in their patients.  The book will help you to determine when the use of pornography has crossed the line toward addiction.  The authors explain how the brain science behind pornography/sex addiction is very similar to the use of 'hard drugs'.  Not all who use drugs (even hard drugs) 'recreationally' will become addicts, the same holds true for the recreational use of pornography.  BUT ADDICTION TO PORNOGRAPHY IS REAL.  It took me a long time to accept this, and I only wish I had understood this sooner.

Pornography addiction is not just the construct of prudish wives who feel jealous, intimidated, or disrespected by their husband's girlie mags (or who are opposed on moral or ethical grounds.)  In fact, it was my own liberal attitude toward pornography that made it difficult for me to appreciate the difference between use and abuse.  I highly recommend the book "The Porn Trap" for those who wish to learn more.  Its a corny title, but its a well-researched and extremely well-written book that refuses to condemn but offers science-based guidance and understanding.  Just my 2 cents.

Addictions (old and new) are one aspect of MLC.  If you are dealing with any type of addiction, it helps to be informed.

[JD]

My Prince Charming was always too tired.
I now know he's conflated me with " mother" and in his head I'm not a wife.
In a period of great personal distress I asked him point blank, and no he's not sexually attracted to me at all.

[Covenant for Life]

I am in total agreement with HB on this topic.

My H's porn addiction that has lasted the length of our marriage was absolutely devastating.  My H could never give himself fully to me on an emotional, physical, or spiritual level.  Our physical relationship was never as good as his relationship was with his porn and himself. My H has had ED problems for much of our marriage and I know now that that issue is also due to the porn.  Though I was - and hopefully still am - an attractive woman, I was never enough compared to the porn H was looking at.

I could never please him as much as he was used to pleasing himself while viewing porn.  I feel as if porn took away so many aspects of our marriage and totally eroded our level of trust and intimacy.  And, in agreement with HB's post, his constant use of porn was a sin against God, against our marriage vows, and against his own body.  Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and if we defile our body, we are defiling the Holy Spirit.  Every time my H viewed porn - and he certainly tried to keep it secret, but I knew what he was doing - I felt he was committing adultery against me, which is what the Bible says is the lust of the eyes.

I, like HB, will not excuse porn under any circumstances.  God does not excuse it and I will not excuse it.  Call me judgmental.  I know what porn can do to a marriage.  It perverts what God intended to be a beautiful relationship between a man and woman that God alone designed.  Satan is absolutely the father of this tragic sin and Satan has deceived many into thinking that porn is not a big deal.
Porn took away what should have been a loving relationship between my H and I.  Porn is sin and it is totally against everything God intended marriage and the sexual relationship between husband and wife to be.