[Synicca]

LOL 

is'nt that the truth!! Well, then maybe the next time he says that to me...I'll chop his " you know what" off!

hehehe That just might throw him into "reality" So sorry OW, He can no longer perform "his" duties to you,
Now Go HOME! 

[StandandDeliver]

Does anyone else's S end emails to you with the same questions everytime:

Would that work for you?
or Will this work for you?
or Does this work for you?

He usually asks it when he is in total disagreement with an arrangement that I have made.

Grrrrrr.

[In this for ME]

I never got the one where he says he isn't sexually attracted to me. Even when he was with exow he said
"I've always had a Thing for you"

And he said it again just recently. And I am in the same boat.

Although sex is a powerful motivater I do not want a connection with him based on it. That was the mistake I made when I left him after just living with him for 7 years. I wanted a commitment he didn't ...I left.. he hunted me down....AWESOME sex but the wrong message was relayed and I WON"T make that mistake again as difficult as it may be to resist if and when the opportunity presents itself.

[BonBon]

I've been told many times he is not sexually attracted to me.  Ouch.  I also heard, don't get me wrong, I think you're very attractive and pretty but you know, I don't get, you know....".  Before that it was, "I wasn't attracted to you when you were fat".  I'm not fat anymore so I guess I took away one of his excuses for contempt.

I will admit this goes deeper than the MLC I think.  It is probably because we don't have children...long, long story.  But the part that involves the MLC is the cruel way it is said, the way he says it like he's commenting on the weather, so casually, as if it shouldn't hurt or insult.  I can imagine if I had ever said that to him, he would have been outraged, insulted beyond repair.  But it's his ego that is important, not mine, right?

My least favorite part of the MLC is the casual way the cruelest words are tossed at us, and then the lack of comprehension how crushing it all is.

Bonnie
Ignore, ignore, ignore, detach, detach, detach. 

[LoveMeMyself]

Just chiming in here with my MLC script.  In the beginning I was told that he was: unhappy, felt "used and unappreciated.  He said he was "done", didn't want to be with "anybody" (even though he was with OW), said he never wants to get married again.  Said we got married too soon after his first divorce.........maybe for him it was too soon.  He said that I would be better off without him and perhaps "thank" him one day.  He said I needed to let go, move on, find someone else who wouldn't break their promises.  He later told me that I was a pretty woman and had a gentle soul.  He's commented that it would be difficult for him not to "sleep" with me if given the chance.  We have a vacation home which he refuses to "visit" because it's too painful for him (even though he used it with his second OW)...........he wants to get rid of it.  He has said we might end up sharing it together sometime in the future but he wasn't sure if he could handle it.  He wants to just be friends.  His script was no different from anybody else's.  They all seem to have some common language just for MLC'ers!

[In this for ME]

Bonnie:
Well with the frame of mind I'm in even he EVER said he wasn't sexually attracted to me I would reply
"That goes double for me buddy!!"

and Lovemyman

I got all the same things there's nobody else etc..and there was..
The only thing was I'm his first marriage AND we lived together for 7 years so he can't use any excuses as for it happening too soon!
Idiot...

[BonBon]

IIFTLH,
Yes, my first thought was to say.....never mind.  Your words had much more class than what I would have liked to have said. 

But as I've been doing for three years (said with gritted teeth), I did not sink to his level but rather told the truth which is that I am attracted to him. 

Yes, idiots.  Could not agree more.

Bonnie

[LoveMeMyself]

Oh, I got to add this also........my xH stated that he "failed" me but he truly tried.  I told him that he didn't fail me but our marriage and he failed himself.......as a man.  This MLC takes a very good, kind, decent person and turns them into awful terrible people.  It's so hard sometimes to view the person they are right now knowing what they were before.  It's just sad.  Since we are in the NC stage I have no idea what's going on with him and to be honest it's truly better for me. 

[StandandDeliver]

LMM,

Re the NC stage - when is it suggested that NC is a good idea (I can't do total NC because of kids, but am attempting dark)?

I mean, I had BD just over 4 mths ago, H moved out 3 mths ago and has been living with OW for just over 2 mths. I don't know what contact type he is (no returns at all and has expressed no desire to return, but maybe it is too early for that) he keeps in touch by email mainly - usually about the kids or finances, and he has come over for finance meetings where he has discussed problems at work and even mentioned that his new "relationship" is not perfect (big surprise). Since going dark on him he does seem to email more (almost every day I get something but, as I say, usually regarding kids/finances). I would love to do NC because seeing him really makes things worse, and now that he has started bringing OW with him for pick up and drop offs I  REALLY, REALLY wish I didn't have to see him. (Funny aside, it seems they go everywhere together, no personal space at all).  How do you know what contact type you have and how long does it take before you know?

[Still]

I'll be a better father because i will be happier and spend quality time with them instead of everyday.

My H said, "We will both be better parents when we separate. You won't be on the forums so much and I won't have to find ways to avoid you."