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Author Topic: Interacting with Your MLCer The Script our MLCer reads from

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Interacting with Your MLCer The Script our MLCer reads from
OP: July 08, 2010, 08:15:17 AM
I was thinking about the responses I've come to naturally use with my MLCer.  Here are two of my favorite.  They have been pretty powerful in diffusing drama in some situations.  Although when MONSTER is present I  don't think any phrase will work.  Anyway, I'd love to here some of your favorites too.

Here's mine

"that's understandable....."
"no problem from this end"
" I can be flexible in the sense that......."

All of these have come to me when I took the time to respond and not react which would have yielded a whole seperate choice of words (if you know what I mean).  I find my H actually using the language that I use with him lately.  It shows me what an important model we are for them despite their drama.

Buggy
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Pain is not a punishment, pleasure not a reward.  ~Pema Chodron

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.  ~Oscare Wilde

M 33
H 33
Married 9 years
3 children (D8, D3 and S7months)
BD-Spring of 2009 EA
H Filed 09/2010
S
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Re: Favorite Responses
#1: July 08, 2010, 08:53:17 AM
....."I can see why you would see it that way."

......"I understand what you are saying."

......"Obviously, you feel very strongly about that."

What I really want to say.....

"Where on earth did you get that sort of cotton-headed, ninny-muggins, hair-brained idea such as that?!?!"
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H43, M44
M 22 years
T  23 years
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Divorced 2/13
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Re: Favorite Responses
#2: July 08, 2010, 09:18:53 AM
I like to use:
"That must be (must have been) hard for you"
"That seems to be very important for you"

I'm sure there are others.

LOL, Still, I think it would be easy to start a thread on what NOT to say (but would make us really feel good).

Before I got to my present stage, I actually threw cushions at H, and screamed "you must be out of your mind. You are acting like a totally selfish b***d. Totally egocentric, blind to all consequences. Don't you realise how other people see you? How ashamed your children are? As for the selfish cow you are seeing, ask her if she could cook, clean, look after the kids, set up your computer, do your tax return and accounts. She still gets her mum to do her shopping and cleaning. How mature is that?"

Needless to say, it did me no good. It relieved me for a few minutes until I saw the damage I'd done. Wish I'd been on this forum then.

I'd like a thread on what we'd like to say to OW...
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Work in progress (none of us are perfect)
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Re: Favorite Responses
#3: July 08, 2010, 09:32:40 AM
Still - made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!!  Ninny muggins - hahahaha!

I like to use "you know what, you may be right", "you make a good point"

oh, and my favorite, "I'M SORRY I MADE  YOUR LIFE HELL!!"  - haha - jk

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Re: Favorite Responses
#4: July 08, 2010, 03:01:08 PM
Quote
Still - made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!!  Ninny muggins - hahahaha!

ELF is one of my favorite movies!
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Re: Favorite Responses
#5: July 08, 2010, 03:29:56 PM
Mine too!  I have a very funny story about that movie.  Remember the scene when Elf goes into the conference room and sees the little person and thinks he's an elf, and he says to Elf, "call me elf one more time!"  Well, my son and I watch that movie ALL THE TIME - it's one of his favorites too.  One day, we were in a local fast food place and he saw a little person who looked just like that actor.  When the guy walked by, my son says to him, "call me elf one more time!"  I just about sank to the floor!  I had to explain to the man that my son is autistic and that he looks like that actor from the movie; he was very understanding.  We laugh about it now - haha.
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Re: Favorite Responses
#6: July 08, 2010, 06:11:10 PM
FHO,

Oh dear. I can totally see that happening. I'm glad the man was understanding.
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H43, M44
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Divorced 2/13
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Re: Favorite Responses
#7: July 11, 2010, 07:44:35 AM
H does not like the standard DB phrases, especially "I am sorry you feel that way". What have you got to be sorry about? he says.

Silence is one of the best for me.

Ones that work for me are more causal:

Oh that must suck
I understand that would.....
Hmmmmmm

Another I like to use is humour to defuse. For example, every month H says that this is the last time he will be spending the night under the same roof as me. I use the above and have also used:

H - this is the last blah blah....
SR - two dogs and a chicken
H - huh?
SR - I have been trying to remember this really funny joke for days and it just came to me. (silence and smile)
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Re: Favorite Responses
#8: July 11, 2010, 10:22:08 AM
Quote
H - this is the last blah blah....
SR - two dogs and a chicken
H - huh?
SR - I have been trying to remember this really funny joke for days and it just came to me. (silence and smile)

ROFLMAO!!!

LOLOLOLOL!
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Re: Favorite Responses
#9: July 11, 2010, 05:49:15 PM
When I tried "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "that must have been hard" H told me it sounded like responses I got out of a book and - in a round about way, told me that he didn't feel like I was "hearing" him because of that.
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Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.  ~Mark Twain

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.  ~Marlene Dietrich

The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  ~Ghandi
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