[After the speech/bomb drop, did your MLC'er continue to be affectionate?]

After the speech/bomb drop, did your MLC'er continue to be affectionate?

No

10 (32.3%)

Rarely

5 (16.1%)

Occasionally

5 (16.1%)

Regularly

7 (22.6%)

Every time we are in contact

4 (12.9%)

Total Members Voted: 31

Voting closed: July 19, 2010, 04:14:29 PM

[Storm Rider]

Hi Still,

I have noted that affection in my sitch has been directly proportional to intensity of contact with OW (in hindsight). Affection stopped pretty much when H started with her, for the first 18 months of their relationship, affection was of a teenage nature, or hugs would be pity or guilt hugs.

In the last couple of months over the same time frame that I have noticed a lot less contact between H and OW (phone calls and much less unexplained time), H is not nearly as "conflicted" in paying me affection, and is currently more tender and old H in nature than previously.

I would initiate a hug from H during the first 18 months perhaps every couple of months, usually after a custody type talk when I really felt like one. I would ask for a hug from a friend if I thought we may be in that zone.

[Still]

Thanks for your input, Storm Rider.

I have never found any true evidence of an OW. I could definitely see a correlation if that were the case. I am hyper-sensitive to the possibility, simply because the majority of the MLC situations do involve an OW/OM.

[MarkedandHealed]

My H moved out of the bedroom after realizing that he can't stop touching me in his sleep. He'd hug the side of the bed while falling asleep and then wind up holding me, or ML with me, in the middle of the night. Guess his subconscious was taking over and he didn't like it.

[OldPilot]

My H moved out of the bedroom after realizing that he can't stop touching me in his sleep. He'd hug the side of the bed while falling asleep and then wind up holding me, or ML with me, in the middle of the night. Guess his subconscious was taking over and he didn't like it.

Now that sounds like me, except I liked it!
Probably why my wife moved out of the bedroom last month

[Buggy31]

Yes!  After BD and while still living at home over a year my husband and I continued to have sex but he was always the initiator and it pretty much only happened at night in bed during sleep.  I would awaken to his advances.  I never rejected him physically but never initiated either (when I knew he was in MLC).  Some people thought I was nuts and it was obvious we were still have sex when I became preg during MLC (concieved one month before a scheduled tubal). I enjoyed maintaining the sexual connection with him because I felt like I recognized him during it.  However, it started to feel BLAH in April when he started talking about seperation and stopped happening because he moved out of "my bed" and became severely emotional withdrawn.  Maybe transferred monogamy to affair partner?  Who knows?  I miss it and him (the person I knew that it is).  I don't feel the least bit attracted to him in his current state physically or emotionally.

[Baxter]

Initially after BD there was quite a bit of affection, however since H has filed for D, there had been none, until this past weekend.   He came over earlier than he was suppose to(unannounced)...I think its because he knew I was going to the movies when he was suppose to have come.  Not sure if he wanted to see me or what.   He asked me, "if you don't mind me asking who are you going to the movies with".   That same morning he also patted me on the butt and called me baby.  Also called me sweetie and honey a few times too.  Hugged me 3 or 4 times and kissed me as well.  I noticed he kept looking at me as well...when I asked him why he kept looking at me..he said "I just want to look at you"    That same visit he also cried a couple of times while hugging me(I cried too).  I know he looks at my FB  pages as well, b/c he has mentioned something that he knew I had done over the weekend that was on there. 

So not sure what to make of any of that....I had been very detached and doing lots of things...maybe he saw that I was GAL and actually living without him and having fun and he wanted to suck me back in...No idea, but it has not helped me.  I hadn't been thinking about him much at all and now I do because of that.  Keeping expectations at zero though.   

[ALJ]

A week before BD (February 2009) and immediately right after, my H began sleeping way on the other side of the bed while clinging to the edge. When H moved away in May 2009 and came back for a visit in June 2009. He slept on the couch for three nights and the night before he left, he slept in our bed.  We ML that night but he made sure that I didn't kiss him during ML.  I asked him why he wanted to sleep on the couch and he said that sleeping in our bed would convey to me that things between us were "normal"  and they were not. Well, I never asked again. The affection timeline goes like this and these are the times when H has been back home for a visit also. He lives 14 hours away:

July 2009- H greets me with a hug and peck on the lips. During this visit, he sleeps on the floor in my room. Departs with just a hug.

September 2009- H greets me with a hug and peck on the lips, sleeps on the floor in my room and I initiate ML and he makes sure that I know that he did not initiate it. Departs with just a hug.

October 2009- H greets me with a hug and a peck on the lips, sleeps on the floor in my room. I initiate ML and he departs with a hug and kiss.

December 2009- H greets me with a hug and a peck on the lips, sleeps on the couch  the whole visit except the night before he leaves to go home. I initiate ML for the last time because my emotions cannot handle his not caring if he ML to me or not.

April 2009- I find out about OW in March of 2009 so this visit was horrible as I had not found this site yet and I was angry with him and did not want him to think that what he was doing was okay with me.  H greeted me with a half of a hug like I had the bubonic plague and he did not want to catch it. He went back to sleeping on the couch. When he departed, he did not want me to see him out the door, he said he would let himself out as it was really early in the morning. I got up anyways to say goodbye and got the half way hug again as he made sure that he had a suitcase in one hand so he could not hug me with both.

I have not initiated any affection since December because  I am afraid of getting rejected by H.  He will be back to visit next week and I might try to give him a hug hello and see what happens.  If he doesn't seem to like my show of affection then I will know how to conduct myself for the remainder of his visit.

[Mermaid]

My H is able to be affectionate if he thinks I am not misreading it to mean that he is in love with me, or committed to staying with me. We continue to be physically attracted to each other, so I play on that. When we ML, he holds me in his arms for a very long time, kisses me, and yet I know I must not read into it too much.

Strangely, it's easier to detach when we've ML, I feel like he is on a long string that has not broken.

[Still]

My H has stopped being polite ("please" "thank you"). When I asked him why he was more courteous to strangers on the street, he said, "because they won't read anything into it". OUCH!

[OldPilot]

Thats Ok, my wife has told me I don't deserve to know what she is planning.

I think that is just part of the depression speaking