[rover77]

Dr NO..(thats awesome btw) "her OM can describe the nutritious qualities (and who knows what else..calories, ANDI score, taste, smell, etc.) of specific dish from the menu card simply by dousing (I think that is the term) his hand over the MENU CARD"...this just keeps getting better...can I add magical thinking to childlike?..not unique though..found my X was having Tarot readings after separation..she might have mentioned horoscopes once a year prior to all the fun starting

[hobo1]

Moving Forward - Unfortunately for me, I cannot get off scott free like you....  I have to split finances, and future income with my STBX. 

Dr. No - I still am not divorced, so my retirement acct, I cannot touch until we are divorced.  In her proposal, she is still laying claim to what is in my single name account....  she is still wanting for me to partially pay her debts...  I am imagining things would be more expensive in the near term, as she wishes to now sell the house...

Things are not yet finalized....  As she is a stay at home mom, when I talk about 'her' money, it is only MY money placed into her acct.  It is all MY money....  I get that she contributed to the family while I went to work, but that was her choice and decision.  Just because she is a SAHM, everyone thinks she should be protected, and live a comparable lifestyle as she had before divorce etc. etc. etc.  Everyone also thinks I am the MLCer, who up and left his wife to raise two kids on her own....

I get no sympathy from anyone....  and no empathy from her....

This is one of the differences between a male LBSer and female LBSer...

[rover77]

wow TB..thats useful..I just now grasped that no fault( with all the perks)  not only gives them a financial incentive..its a social one as well..I mean I suspected it but that statement really makes it clear..and sadly it even feeds the lie to themselves..they are being 'compensated' for all that they have endured...

[moc]

My MLC W got into totally new kind of music (that what she was used to) for upto a year before BD day.  She continued with that for last 6 months and now turning back to what she liked previously.  Of course, too me all this is noise and I am not trying to read a 'signal' here.  I mention it to see anyone had observed such thing and it that suppose to mean anything (Signal) as opposed to typical affair of MLC-Land.

Dr. NO, yeah, that is usually part of the MLC script.  Radical change of music to show their freedom and independence.  My wife did the same (took up Lady GaGa and Katy Perry).  9mo post BD, she is starting to listen to her old CDs again now from what she was listening to when we first met.  Maybe she is trying to regain what we had and remember where her mindset was when things were good.  Trying not to decipher and get into that analysis paralysis but as Rider says...it is an interesting web they weave and just watching to see what happens.

Peace to you my friend.

[Thundarr]

HFF and Doc Hudson are here now as well!!!  TEH should be along shortly, but man oh man!!!!

[Mitzpah]

My MLC W got into totally new kind of music (that what she was used to) for upto a year before BD day.  She continued with that for last 6 months and now turning back to what she liked previously.  Of course, too me all this is noise and I am not trying to read a 'signal' here.  I mention it to see anyone had observed such thing and it that suppose to mean anything (Signal) as opposed to typical affair of MLC-Land.

Dr. NO, yeah, that is usually part of the MLC script.  Radical change of music to show their freedom and independence.  My wife did the same (took up Lady GaGa and Katy Perry).  9mo post BD, she is starting to listen to her old CDs again now from what she was listening to when we first met.  Maybe she is trying to regain what we had and remember where her mindset was when things were good.  Trying not to decipher and get into that analysis paralysis but as Rider says...it is an interesting web they weave and just watching to see what happens.

Peace to you my friend.

Yup to that too...
My h. started a kind of obsession with Dave Matthews about three years ago that gradually got to the point of being the only music he listened to, however he was always asking his younger colleagues for playlists of current music, much of which he had never shown an interest in. My h. has always been a Dire Straits, Santana, Eric Clapton kind of person, taste which I shared
I was very surprised two weeks ago to watch a video that SIL posted on FB with my h. set to Sultans of Swing (that just happened to be the first LP I gave him when we turned 18 back in 1979!), saying that it was in honor of her best friend and bro! - Now, I suspect that SIL is going through her own MLC - just sayin...
I have no idea of what he listens to now 

I don't quite get what this is all about, however if he is back to listening to Dire Straits, that may mean he is revisiting that time?

[BonBon]

I think that part of this is the experimentation thing...trying to have new interests to feel alive.
I also think, at least in my H's case, that knowing about the newer music showed he was not old...in his head.

Funny because at the same time, I found comfort going back to the music of my youth....showing I AM old.  HA!

Bon

[Moving Forward]

hobo (TB),
I didn't get off 'scot free' I am afraid - I am self employed and receive £250 per child per calendar month for my 2 children (they go to private school and he pays half of their fees along with extras) - this means that my exH pays a princely sum of £8.20 per child per day... I pay for the vast majority of their things and stuff we do - I work to an incredibly tight budget but my kids are worth it..it sticks in my claw that he has holidays and a jet set lifestyle (all on credit cards but the perception is that he is doing ok and 'looking after his kids' - OH if only people knew the truth) - I thank God every single day that I am financially independant and have always earned my way - it means I have choices and have a few financial goals of my own but I am financially much worse off than when I was married

Only today he is moaning about paying me a £75 contribution towards some tree work I had to have done when a tree of ours fell in the road in December last year - he claims poverty but he is wearing new clothes, glasses and bits and bobs for his car (remember the snow socks girls!!) - but money is one of his key issues he has to deal with.

I KNOW my kids will look back on their post Dad departure childhood and say it was calmer, fun, happy, exciting, involving and full of adventure - because that is what they say now - my kids see their dad every other weekend and maybe one extra night in the intervening period - he is missing out on so much and I still have sadness about that but...I can only control me and he has to understand the consequences of his actions.

Money can be an evil thing - having a deisre for it isn't a bad thing but being attached to it is in my view - my exH became a mean and ugly man and a lot of it was about money and control - I would often benchmark situations by asking myself 'if we were still married what would we do right now' and this helped me make the right decision for my kids - it isn't their fault their dad is in the middle of one ugly MLC.

Time will do it's thing Hobo and I hope you can reconcile 'paying' for your wife in the future - you made goals together when married and having those ripped from us is one of the areas we grieve for - I try and see the good in every situation (however small and insignificant at the time)

[Dr. NO]

I had a simple mantra 'debt free, mortgage free and exH free' -

I like your Mantra, MF.

[hobo1]

Thank you - Moving Forward...  I do hope I can reconcile me paying her...  I do get that she needs to live too, and that she is caring for the kids.

I did have hopes and dreams, and I thought with her...  It's not only emotionally destructive for me and the kids, but it is financially destructive too.

At 13 months, the emotional hurt for me has numbed a bit...  and detachment is working somewhat...  I am cycling between anger, and feeling sorry for her.  The financial bit will hurt not only now, but into retirement.  I am angry about that.  If she wants to live her life without me, then do it without my money too...

Life certainly would be much easier with the money problems to worry about.