[SpecialK]

I know this may sound like I'm clutching at straws, but how many of have experience your MLCer's having more than one OW/OM (not at the sametime)?

Hope my question makes sense


SKxxx

added OM at specialk's request Feb.20/2012

previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=423.0

[Sassyone]

Special K:

I did not experience this in my situation (to my knowledge), but it is my understanding that it is very common for an MLC'er in replay.  I have a low energy MLC'er it seems more common in others.

Sassy

[Mamma Bear]

   So far mine transferred monogamy to Bowsette

[sdgisawt]

mine made it known to me that he had  serveral ladie friends

[limitless]

Sk,

My H's first OW was his ex-wife (from 35 years ago).  This was a long distance EA that may have turned into a PA.  I know that he saw her face to face for a weekend 9 months before BD.  Two months before BD he emailed her and promised to divorce me so that they could be together.

Well, that "relationship" flopped - I guess.  I don't think she was interested.

Then, 6 months after BD - he started up with his ex-high school girlfriend.  Another long distance EA that culminated in a weeklong trip for the two of them to New York.  I don't think he was interested after their time together.

I believe he started up with OW #3 6-8 months after that.  I'm not sure if that is going on, if anything really went on....or what that was all about.

This clearly shows that the crisis is NOT about the OW.  The OW is just a symptom and an attempt to avoid....nothing more.  If the OW is gone....they will look for another....or not.  It doesn't end the crisis...because the crisis was NEVER about the OW.

L

[ziggee]

I know its not an OW.... but at least 3 OM on the go... actually all at once... Her Soul Mate... her Father Figure and PA

Z.

[Glimmer]

Hi Special K.

My H has recently acquired a new OW.

His first OW  R ended around September after more than 2 years.  Apparently she got fed up with him as he would not make a commitment to her by D me.  This also coincided with us having our longest T&G to date, lasting about 2months  where he confessed that he had been unable to move on and that he still loved me.  During this time he began inviting me along with him and the girls to the cinema etc.

He began spending Saturday evenings with us, watching TV and eating takeaway.  After a while I think he got spooked and felt he was falling back into his old life, so he did a runner.

More or less straight away a new ow appeared on the scene. He is now repeating his replay activities with as much enthusiasm as he did the first time around.

[Stillpraying]

Oh Glimmer, sorry, that must be really hard to digest.  You'd think they'd learn after the first.  Hugs to you

My H has said he's had EA's with other women at work.  Have no idea if it's the same OW and he's just trying to make it sound as if it didn't start before he left me.  He was also exchanging pictures with a 20 something girl about 10 months before he left and while we were in marriage counselling.  Seems as though he was actively pursuing anyone who would take him so he could leave us.  Did take him a while but he finally nabbed his prize....belly dancing bimbo

SP

[Trustandlove]

I think I'm the poster girl for this -- my H is on I think the 5th one.   First was classic mate predator; others have been him looking for the holy grail.  As far as I know it has been him that has ended all of them, either he hasn't been in love enough or there has been some other issue, he hasn't said what.  Latest OW has been around for a year or so; he's now saying that he's serious about this one and introducing here to family, etc.   

I've also experienced long-ish T&G's in between; after the first he even said he missed me and wanted to work on things.  At first I didn't know it was "in between" as he was keeping it all very much under wraps; the pattern only emerged in the rear view mirror.    Don't know what will happen with this one; he's talking d this time. 

And like Glimmer, the new OWs appear pretty quickly one after another.    From what I can piece together he says that since he isn't in love with me he wants to find someone he is in love with.  And, like G, mine is repeating everything with great enthusiasm, just like at the beginning. 

Sigh. 

[SpecialK]

Thanks all for your input.

Ziggee:  I apologise, I should have put the title as OW/OM - perhaps you could change it for me Limitless?

MB:  Have to say, I love your humour, you have a fab approach to your situation.

Excellent insight, very much appreciated, it's helping me grow and having a much better understanding.  I think for the last few years I've been walking around with my head in the clouds.  Maybe I wasn't really to open up to this, face up reality - but I am now and I'm beginning to feel like a different person 

You may get a lot more questions from me, I apologise now 

I realise that my ex has a lot of relationship/commitment issues, actually quite a few issues on reflection.  I would however like to share this, I not sure yet how to trust my intuition, and the difference between wishful thinking and intuition.  Anyway......

I knew when my ex meet someone else, something shifted inside and I picked up on his tone when he text a couple of times during Christmas and New Year and I wasn't at all surprised when he told me he meet her on the plane going out to Australia (OK that may be a lie).  I also sensed his attitude towards had changed, the tone of his text had changed etc.  This happened virtually over night.

This is where I'm not sure if this is my intuition or wishful thinking........ he told me before Christmas he was going to move back into the house at the end of January and by the way he was talking he'd thought it through.  Then up pops Miss Welsh and everything changes.   Now if I put my sensible head on and try and listen to myself (I am treading with extreme caution here as this maybe wishful thinking), she may have dragged him back to reply, helped him to take the veil off, lift the fog and made him feel happy again.  Maybe a diversion to whats really wrong.  Does this make sense?

I may of course be totally barking up the wrong tree.....


SK xxxx