[nesquick2]

im loving this t-shirt slogans.... mine would be the colour pink and wrote on the front would be.... you cant make this $hit up. i know mlc is no way a funny thing to go through, but having a bit of humour some times helps 
hey sk  glad you found a new counsellor who understands about mlc. how did you find one so quick. hope monday goes well for you. youre sounding great in yourself today too. i hope youre proud of what you have achieved this week sk. the only way is up now girl xxx 

[stayed]

Good for you SpecialK.  You do whatever you FEEL you need to help yourself honey.  You are sounding stronger each day. 

Well done and hugs Stayed

[SpecialK]

Thank you, I will get there.  I've had a chill week-end, I wanted time out this week-end so I listened to myself. 

I know this may sound silly and pathetic, but as I had the PC fixed (ex started to look at it before Christmas but he hasn't mentioned it again, so I got it sorted myself) it kept asking for the product key for Office.  So I emailed him to did he know where the number was I got the pc fixed, and said sadly the photos had been wiped.  I sent it on Wednesday morning.  Tonight around 11 I get text from him saying:  Office product key is xxxxxxx.  Do you need any money this month end?  No thanks for sorting the pc out, no mention of the photos etc., just cold and to the point.  His attitude towards me has really changed since he's meet Miss Wales.  It feels like I'm the bad person, and yet I'm not as I've not done anything wrong.   He doesn't treat his son's mum like this, even after all the sh&t she put him through, so why me?

That's my rant over, hopefully I can sleep now 

SKxxx

[CrazyStuff]

Special K

I hope you slept OK.   

You asked a question:

He doesn't treat his son's mum like this, even after all the sh&t she put him through, so why me?

I think there are two reasons for this.

The first is that people in crisis tend to treat those closest to them the worst hence the reason us LBS' are in the firing line until we get ourselves out of it and secondly that it is because he can.    Months ago someone asked a very similiar question and both Stayed and RCR posed the question to their recovered MLCers. 

In both cases the simple answer was 'because they could'.   Or something like that. 

Somehow, and I don't have the answers to this, you need to work this out.    It definitely is not about demanding respect or that our partners behave differently.   It is about how we change and become truly indepedent of our partners so that our interactions with them are, with time, based on mutual consideration and when they do not meet our expectations - in terms of their treatment of us - it really no longer matters.

It really is small steps for a long, long time and the focus has to be on ourselves.      You / me have to work out the shape of life based on the reality of today.    Then, as I have found, I expect you will start taking some pretty big steps even if the practicalities take time.    In my case my S15 is my priority now so my dreams of running away to the country are on hold.    But one day.......

As for your partners behaviour, just let it go.   

Take care,

CrazyStuff

[stayed]

I completely agree with Crazystuff.  She is right, that is exactly what my h told me, he knew he could treat me like that and get away with it.  So he did.  People often treat the people who love them the most, the worse.  Doesn't make much sense, but there you have it.

You are doing fine.  At first you will be bitter that he didn't congratulate you on fixing the computer, in time, you won't need his approval.  That is when you will know, you are beginning to heal from this.  Which is a really wonderful moment (which of course you instantly crash for a day or so, hehehe, but you know there will more WONDERFUL moments ahead).

hugs and way to go with the computer... hugs Stayed

[SpecialK]

Thanks ever so for your input.

Strangely I don't feel upset about it like I would have done, I'm more annoyned.  I sense he is angry and unhappy (maybe still angry re the email I sent him), but he's directing at me (that's coz I won't leave his head -  ).  If things are going really well with Miss Wales, then there is no need to have an attitude with me.  This is his choice not mine.  If he wants me out of his life completely, then ask me to leave (I still live in his house and he pays all the bills), sell the house etc.,  he know that once I go he will never see me again or will I have contact again.

Yes I will rise above it, he can 'twist in the wind'  I say yes to the money though 

BTW  the pc is his, that why it annoyned me, but the lesson is not to mention again of the things I've done.  Actually no further contact from me unless it's absolutely necessary.

I have my new introduction Councelling session at lunchtime, I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks all, catch you later.


SKxxx

[stayed]

Looking forward to hearing what you think of your new counselor.  NO EXPECTATIONS though kiddo, we can say anything we want, but doing is a completely different story.  At least it's FREE, hehehe, my favorite price.

You are sounding calmer, stronger SpecialK, nice to see.

hugs Stayed

[Sassyone]

Sounding good Special K.  Look at the computer this way.  You took care of it yourself.  You are becoming independent!   I remember when I started fixing things around the house that H said he would get to and never did.  That was a turning point for me, perhaps this is yours.  That's what I took this MLC crap by the horns and threw it to the side and worried about me.

Good luck with the counselor today.  Remember those first sessions tend to be all fact finding.  I hope this is the "one" for you.

Sassy

[SpecialK]

Thanks Sassy, definately the way forward now (it's his pc), in the past he always if there was anything I need to let him know.  Well I won't be doing that anymore 

Well I went to my Councelling session, I got lost and arrived 20 minutes late, but she was really lovely about it.

We had an hour together, a whistle stop tour of what was going on in my life, and a look into my past.  Yep floads of tears especially when talking about my Dad and his death.  Even though it was 6.5 years ago, it still really hurts.  Must admit I was quite surprised there was still grief tucked away.

I also talked about my addiction to tarot, which she will help me with.

She also gets MLC, it was refreshing to be about to talk about ex, how he is, my life with him without being told to take the rose coloured glasses off. 

I feel she really understood me and will help me a great deal moving forward - there are still a lot of stuff I haven't dealth with regards to my past which I have taken into my future.  She will me deal with that, also help me to let go and detach from ex.

So going forward I will go with her, it was so refreshing to be able to talk about what's been happening without it being dismissed.  Also when I talk about ex's attitude towards me now, I'm sure she will help understand it and leave it behind.

I know I will grow from this, I have the motovation and determination to do this now.  I have been stuck, and yes if I'm honest with myself waiting around for him, not in a conscious way.  Not any more 

By the time June comes and I have a new great nephew or niece in my life I will be a different person

A very big thank you for pointing out that finding a Councellor that does understand MLC probably would be better.  Very good advice, thank you.

Hugs


SKxxx

[stayed]

Fantastic specialK!!!

hugs Stayed