[kikki]

I know you are scared and hurting.  It is part of the script.  Have you read the depression list that was posted on several threads today.  If not, go read it.  I am sure you will see your H in it.

You know the funny thing with that Sassy?  I'd printed it out months ago, and read it from time to time, but had completely forgotten where I'd first read it.  Found it on the DB site and posted in the MLC info.
Tsunami just bumped up her original thread - she'd originally posted it last year.  How's that for a circle of recommendation. 

It really is an excellent article, and helps a lot to understand our spouses, I think

[Sassyone]

LOL, see how smart Tsunami is!!!!

Any who, it is a great article and everyone should read it more than once!

Sassy

[offmyrocker]

See chicky. i told u would get that response feel a bit better now? i hope so

(((hugs)))
OMR

[Tsunami]

Sassy, Tsu is a smart a$$ and anyone here on the board knows that already!  LOL

Hey chickie, yes, when I saw Patience wrote "Those words are part of the script" I exhaled, but the comment still hurts.

Then God love her, RCR posted too and we had already discussed her h coming home.

I still want apply shaken adult syndrome to the side of his head somedays to clear the fog.

Thank you to everyone who have responded to my post!

Hugs,

Tsu

[moc]

Tsunami - oh, you crack me up with that statement, I am going to have to use (shaken adult syndrome) more often.  Is it patented?  Thanks for putting a smile on my face.  I am fortunate enough not to have heard it but have felt at times that wifey was not going to come home.  Of course "I think we should divorce" is just about the same in my book.

L&S - heard nearly the same thing.  Wifey said we could get back together in a few years just like her parents did when they divorced and go back after 6yr.  Yea, not going to be around probably for you deary.  Also said that when she was going to move into an apartment (never did) she would take a 3mo lease.  I said, why not 6mo and she said: "you think it will take that long to work this out?".  Ha, if she went with 3mo, we still would be in replay anyway.

Honour - wow, I know I have heard it on this board from others but (and from another sage on L2) that is really cruel.  You have a heart of solid gold.  I know I would have been able to detach better if my wife had vanished.  I get a different kind of h*ll with a live-in MLCer (as much as she runs back to home town for validation).

[Stillpraying]

I heard on the grape vine that my H told other's he was NEVER coming back.  Has remained true to his word so far.  However, the children's counsellor also asked him and then advised him he needed to tell the children he wasn't coming back but to this day he's never said it to them or myself.

He did say to me (Yelled it ) "Our Marriage is over".  It did hurt very much as we'd just been away for the weekend together not long before that, so I just couldn't understand why he was being so definite about it  I didn't know about MLC then.

He now just take's the opportunities to tell me repeatedly that we don't have a relationship anymore as we did before.  Like I don't know that already   The way he says it, it's like he thinks I'm hanging on to him or depending on him.

Here's another link I found which may help others understand the ILYBINILWY speech.
http://womeninmlc.lefora.com/2009/03/03/from-the-desk-of-mort-fertel-i-love-you-but-im-not/

[Phoenix]

It wasn't so much of a threat as a statement of intent. An intention that she saw through to implementation. She left 4th Dec 2010. I haven't seen her since. Not heard a word, a single text, email or telephone call. I did hear from her solicitor a few times though. We divorced November 2011. Can't remember the date.

My situation is more like Honour's. My H is a vanisher--gone, and moving forward legally. OW (my former friend) recently finalized her divorce so I think they are determined to make the charade work to prove it was worth destroying two families, four children, two spouses, and a community of mutual friend.

Reconciliation seems less likely with vanishers, but that doesn't mean there aren't exceptions.

The best to everyone,
Phoenix

[Mitzpah]

Tsunami,

My kids told me : 'forget him, you have just got to get used to the fact he is never coming back, he said so!'
He never actually said it to me in so many words, but all his actions so far have supported what the kids told me. I love reading Bob Steinkamp on this subject - he says that when your spouse tells you they are never coming back, they are attempting to convince themselves, trying to make it true...
I guess it is part of the script...

[Sassyone]

Tsunami:

Logically we all know it is part of the script, but it still hurts.  (((HUGS)))) OMR is a smart chickie too she knew where to send you!

Think of it this way.  They are teenagers yelling and spewing vile stuff at their for lack of a better work "mommy" figure.  No way no how are you going tell me what to do.  Stompping their feet and standing their ground.  (When and you will be able to eventually you can look back at it, it is really comical.)  Remember he is projecting at you.  He is just being a kid who is angry that you are standing your ground.  It scares him and hopefully when he comes out of his tunnel he will see it for what it is worth. 

Work on yourself, get yourself strong because only you can control how you feel, react and respond.  Don't allow his spew to bring you down.  Do something for yourself today.

(((HUGS)))

Sassy

PS: We have your rain today!

[SpecialK]

SP that's a really good articule on 'ILVBNILWY'.  Perhaps something else that could be posted on the Articles board?

SKxxx