[Dontgiveup]

It has been 4 years since bomb drop for my friend.  When his ex-wife left, she packed most of her clothes and a few personal belongings.....and left everything else.  Four years later, my friend still has yearbooks, photo albums and other memorabilia of hers.

[Dr. NO]

At my current stage of LBS journy - hardest part is to think of (unknown at this stage) financial destuction she (my MLC W) is going to cause as she proceeds with her much cherised D.  When that is over, my worry will shift to effect (short term/long term) this whole MLC stuff will have on my kids - emotional, psychological, physical, studies, health.. etc..

[Thundarr]

Dr. /Bart,

If I were you I would switch those priorities.  This is affecting the kids now.

[LoveMeMyself]

I agree with everything everyone has already said.........the loneliness, the rejection......the length of time this takes.  I even still have a lot of his personal items here.  Holding onto the hope he will return is the hardest......for me.  Just thinking we may not grow old together........thinking of the future without him.  Let's face it......there is absolutely NOTHING easy about this.........NOTHING!

[Thundarr]

You know, the more I think about this thread the more I realize we could go on for months about how badly it sucks.  How about a thread about the BEST parts about this?  A little reframing may be in order......

[Dr. NO]

Dr. /Bart,

If I were you I would switch those priorities.  This is affecting the kids now.

Thundarr,

The question was what one (LBS) thought was the hardest part (and not what is your first priority now).

As to my action plan, kids  (specifically their emotinoal, physical and future well being) are on top (always on top) and I am in control of the situation.  Unfortunately, whatever internal trauma they might be going through can be only minimized, not eliminated.

My decision to stand is also largely driven by Kids and their well being.  Otherwise, at this stage, I am ready to move on.  I have purchased puts and sold calls and waiting for market (MLC) to move, whichever way she plans (really? she has a clue!) to move.

Dr. NO / Bart

[Phoenix]

The hardest part in the MLC madness is the MLC madness.
I could not begin to narrow it down. I am very sad for the fallout affecting our daughter. And like XYZCF, a part of my mind is always and exhaustingly playing the MLC movie. I fear the loss of home, security and our planned future. I am lonely for love, affection and companionship.  I miss the life and social circle that has been shattered by H's betrayal with two women I believed to be my dear friends. Those multiple betrayals do something to the psyche that changes a person forever. Perhaps most of all, despite the growth that I have made, I feel such loss that I will never again be a woman who was not betrayed, deceived and abandoned by her husband.
Phoenix

[WarriorSprit]

For me the hardest part is wondering will I ever get her full love back. We have been back together now for about 10 months. I saw her change from monster to distance now to holding back her emotions. My fear is there because she had 15 years of depression before. My S says he always thought she is not able to love and always has been that way except when they where very little. Our two D where arguing one day that each thought there mom hated them more than the others. Just FYI all of our children are grown. I feel as thought I ran around with love blinders on and did not notice how our kids felt growing up. For me she treated me as she loved me so I stood beside her during those 15 years . So now my fear is she going to get past this so we can both be in love again ? or will it stay this way and if it stays this way do I want to keep standing. I feel life is a gift and love is the greatest gift of all.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

I'll chime in with another vote for REJECTION.  My H has basically rejected our life, our great memories, and not just things I do but who I am as a person.  All the things he signed on for with eyes wide open and not at all reluctantly when he married me over twelve years ago.  It brings to the surface the gnawing feeling that if my own H found so many flaws he's considering leaving, then there must be something wrong with me.
He's rejected me not for another person in particular but for an entirely "better" life.  I have watched him reject me for time to spend with friends, to spend with godchildren, to drink, to travel "back home", even to build up his popularity on social network sites.
So it seems I am easily replaceable and he doesn't even need a new girlfriend to be a completely fulfilled person and leave me out of his life entirely.  This hits at the core of my self-esteem, my pride and my sense of self-worth.  I guess it shouldn't, but it does.

[BonBon]

The hardest part for me are two things:

1.  The knowledge that I will never have that lovely if however false sense of security I had previously.  I would not have married had I ever thought that would have been taken away from me and for such a stupid and ridiculous thing at that.  However necessary this midlife thing was to him, I will always maintain it was played out in a stupid and ridiculous way.  Depression and unresolved childhood issues are no excuse for an adult to blow up his life and make fools of the both of us.  Tough for me to grow up I guess but I will always maintain that sense of security was lovely indeed.

2.  Seeing in my mind the expression on his face when his EA/OW contacted him.  Makes me vomit to think someone other than me made him giddy when I was standing right there.  That's a memory I have to live with just like all the bad memories of this nightmare but that's probably the worst.

Bon