[kikki]

SS - I totally understand what you're saying and I agree with you to a point.
Might be a female thing - but I'd lean more towards the 'sisterhood' thing and want to help.
If I had a female friend going through this stuff and I knew the H, I would without hesitation share my knowledge with him.
Tricky here though because he is overseas and not a mutual friend.

[Bewildered]

S& D

as the saying goes you can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink ... I helped a very good friend who's H is def in MLC by telling her about the site she also Had a doctor tell her it was a MLC (He is studying MLC in Men has taken his from Jung's theories and is expanding them)
She says she understands but her actions seem to say she doesn't really ... the hurt has taken over and she is now in the position of having to move home (sell her home they both saved for 10 years to buy) and live in a tiny house with her D and she is very unhappy - hes moved in the OW her best Friend and her kids - 2 of them.

maybe he would listen maybe not but I don't  regret telling my Friend what i thought it was with her H - at least whilst she doesn't yet get it she stopped the divorce based on what I had said /show her etc - so maybe ??
My vote is to print out the sites main info for newbies and stick into the post to him (when you know his address) and add a post it note saying Maybe this will explain, help - I hope so Good Luck - you can sign it or not don't think that matters - its just a pointer to MLC info the rest is up to him ??
Just IMO I feel men are less likely to seek out explanations if I was the MLCer I think my H would have washed his hands of me by now ...

Love B xx

[Mitzpah]

B.
I totally agree with you...

Just IMO I feel men are less likely to seek out explanations if I was the MLCer I think my H would have washed his hands of me by now ...

In fact, my pastor, who is supportive of me, told me that when he thought of outing his own marriage, it was his wife's love for him that was instrumental in bringing him back - in his words, 'she loved enough for both of them' - and I think this is very much a feminine attribute. He [the pastor] says that the lighthouse analogy is very true.
With no disrespect for the male standers here, I observe that men do not have much 'patience' with MLC antics and easily move on, which is why I really admire our male LBS.

[Thundarr]

Thank you Mitz and Bewildered,

I think men are socialized not to accept "bad behavior" in women.  My older brother, who I do look up to, at first told me my W was going through a phase where she didn't want to have any responsibility but that she would be back.  Then, after she moved he said "You're a better man than I am if you would take her back now."  I guess I am.

[StandandDeliver]

Thundarr - interesting and i agree to a point, but when I see the behaviour many of male MLCers put up with in their badly behaving female alienater, I think that the definition of bad behaviour in women can be very elastic for many men - they put up with some shocking behaviour by the OW that the LBS would never have dreamed of engaging in - bizarre.

[Thundarr]

Hey S and D,

What I was referring to was in "normal" males, and we all know that MLCers are anything but normal.  The LBSers knew their H's would never put up with that behavior from them, but when they were together the MLCer was normal.  That's probably why the OW gets kicked to the curb when they start to come out of it.

[StandandDeliver]

Yeah, Thundarr - I know, sorry being a bit facetious! I hope you are right about the kicking to the curb bit!!

[free]

I love reading all of the return stories. For the most part, they are stories of great strength and forgiveness. My own father went through his significant mid life crisis around age 55, after 34 years of marriage. I was newly married and living far, far away, when my mom phoned to say "Your father left". Indeed, my dad left. He bought a boat, and went sailing for 9 months, not bothering to notify anyone (even his best friends) of his intended destinations. I think one of his work buddies got a post card 10 weeks in, something about my father being alive and well in Central America. He returned, and moved in with his secretary from work ... a divorced woman 15 years younger than my dad. And then, he served my mom with divorce papers. And never spoke with her again. He married the secretary, but after my moms death, he confided in my uncle that he wished he had never left my mom. I realize now that this big, powerful, very successful man that my father put forward, was one aspect of his being. The other is a little boy, who did not have nearly as much faith in himself, as I did. Or... my mom did.

When my husband left, my dad told me he felt sorry for my H. He said it is difficult to understand when this happens. But the man always, always and always regrets it, and maybe not for 5, 10, even 15 years. He predicted my H would not come back until I had found someone else, and I was happy in my life without him. He said he has seen this over with so many men he knows. Very sad situation according to my father.

My dad's health is now failing, and his OW, is significantly younger, and taking excellent care of him (sparing me the troubles). Before my mom died, she confessed that my dad leaving her was actually a good thing, simply because she got the chance to live the life she wanted, and do exactly what she wanted to do (which involved many amazing things). So, I guess things work out for the best in the end. And yes... I do think my dad had guilt, and regrets ... it is his own personal karma bus.

My husband has been gone over 5 years now. We are divorced, and he recently married the OW, after living with her for these past 5 years, buying a home with her, and essentially dragging me through hell. He acts as if we were never married, and have no children together. His parents do same. I use the term "erase" .. as if he has erased all we had together, all we shared together. And all that is left in him is something monster-like that wants to condemn and malign me. Still... 5 years of monster (is this a record?).

I wish him well. I have a deep love for him, that I do not think will ever die. But I have my own life to live.

[OnMyJourney]

Free

You story reminded me of my neighbour's best friend B.  B's H asked for a D out of the blue.  He then met and married someone else about a year later and they divorced and then he met someone else and married again.  B ended up passing away from cancer but one day XH said to my neighbour "I never should have left B."

The strange part is that B became friends with both of XH's new wives.

OMJ

[Stander1964]

So yesterday I was watching some news magazine story because they had Mitch Daniels on who is the Governor of the great state of Indiana.  While watching the show the interviewer brought up the fact that he and his wife divorced and remarried.  I was fascinated by this for obvious reasons.  They did not talk about what happened other than saying "they have a happy ending."  Well, I decided to try and find out more information.  Not too much out there, but this is the best I could find:

For weeks, speculation about Daniels’ decision has centered on his wife, largely due to their divorce and re-marriage in the 1990s.

In June 1994, Mitch and Cheri Daniels’ divorce was finalized. Three months later, Gregory Rolf Mason, a pulmonologist who now works in Torrance, Calif., divorced his wife, as well.

In April 1995, Cheri Daniels and Greg Mason – sweethearts at New Albany High School in the 1960s, according to some reports – were married. Their license was filed in Indianapolis.

Those two split quickly, and in 1997, Mitch and Cheri Daniels remarried. The details of what happened in between are not publicly known.

What do you think, MLC??  I just thought since there are not too many return stories, I thought this would be a good one to post for all the LBS men out there. 

I do want to say, I am so disappointed Mitch is not running for president.