[LettingGo]

1995 to 1997? Sounds like once they MOVE IN TOGETHER, the bloom was off the rose..... typical 18-24 month infatuation timeline....  How painful for her husband.... amazing they got back together.. really!! Thanks for posting!!

[Standing in Patience]

I have to agree. When I saw the piece on Mitch Daniels' thoughts on entering the race last evening, a midlife crisis or affair came to mind. I imagine it would be heartbreaking to have the details unearthed and the family's history dragged through the media again if he were to run. I would like to believe that now having a successful return to their marriage they would not like to test its strength again.

[Millvina]

I hesitated to post this story before because I wasn't sure but now I am, so I will.

In the early days my boss asked me if everything was okay with me, it must have been pretty obvious it wasn't. I told her some of what was going on and she confided in me that she had been through the same thing. I wasn't sure at the time, her H never left home and I didn't really have enough detail. However having talked to her again today I now have no doubt. She had 5 hellish years, for the first 2 he had absolutely no physical contact with what so ever, blamed her for everything etc etc. He has huge foo and self esteem issues.

Eventually she could take no more and said if he didn't do something she was leaving. He was not in a financial position to move out himself. He then agreed to see the doctor and spent the next 3 years on medication and in therapy, (all the while saying he didn't need it, he was only doing it for her). Eventual he began to reconnect, at first with their D and then with her.

The only thing I don't know is if there was an OW. She was very quick to ask me if that was the case with me, so I am guessing yes but she didn't tell me so I didn't ask.

She also said she went through her own transition following the death of her mother just prior to her H's crisis.

Anyway the good news is they are now very happily reconciled, she feels she "has her H back", although it sounds like he is still working through some stuff.

She is a different person to when I first knew her, so much more relaxed and happy. It quite cheered me up, except for the 5 years!

[Tired Of It All]

Hello!         

           Truth_Seeker - I am just catching up on this.  I read the story of B.C. Newman. Are there anymore stories from the MLC themselves.  My H just stopped seening OW.  I would like some more insght into their brains.  Anything that might help in dealing with H.

            I want to thank all of you for your stroies.  They really help give us  hope.
                       Kat

[Stander1964]

Here is another Return Story from the DB site

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2192247&gonew=1#UNREAD

[Standing in Patience]

OK, so it might be more of a mlt than mlc... a friend asked why she hasn't seen my h. We have known each other for over a dozen years. I confided in her that h is in a mlc and vanished.

She says OMG, it is everywhere. In her own case, she noted her h was out with his friends more and more and less involved with kids, his career, wife, etc. She called him on it and said if he doesn't engage, they are through. He slowly increased his interactions with her and children and the guy friends are less a part of his life. They are in a better place they had been in years.

She pointed out two more instances with husbands "up" and left (men within the five years older or younger) in our circle of friends and started a new life without wife and children in the last year. Honestly, I didn't know about those two families - I was shocked as she was about our family situation. Don't know the outcome of those marriages but will share if I am updated.

[What Next]

Few weeks back I joined a Christian bible study group (a safe way to start GAL).

I was between two minds whether to go this week as I returned late from a business trip and was tired but I like the group and the course so I went.

The session always has a theme (this week it was prayer) and starts with a video from a Christian speaker. Very quickly he started to talk about the power of prayer in the context of this story;

His best friend came to him and told him his wife had left him as she was having an affair. The friend was completely devastated as he thought their marriage was good but the wife had said a lot of things and he could not understand. The speaker prayed with his friend, they prayed for forgiveness on both sides. The man wanted to work on his marriage but his wife was adamant it was over and refused to see him. The speaker went to her to plead on his friend's behalf, even commenting on the 'changes' his friend had made but still she refused and filed for divorce. For 18mths the speaker supported his friend in prayer, they even had their church pray regularly but nothing changed. The man received divorce papers without ever seeing his wife in almost 2yrs. He finally accepted that he had to let her go but because he worried about her spiritually he sent her two tickets to a Billy Graham event in Wembley, one for her and one for her new partner. She returned the tickets. But he felt directed to send them again and she rang to say she would go but her partner was out of town and would the ExH go with her?

They went together and apparently when people were asked to commit themselves to God she ran onto the pitch. At the end of the night she went home with her ExH and they reconciled.

I sat in my group wondering why this story was given to illustrate the power of prayer? I took it as a sign for me as I have been struggling with both forgiveness and faith in God or this process. The story told me to keep praying, to forgive and to allow God's time to be right.

Not sure if its pure MLC but it spoke to me. 

[Millvina]

WN

Faith, love and forgiveness, great values for everyone, whatever your religious beliefs.

I have a story which I wanted to post, don't think it belongs here exactly. It's not a success in terms of reconciliation but a good illustration of having ' faith in the process'.

I had few work friends here the other day, one of them said she had bumped into our old boss, who had just turned 60.

Ten years ago he suddenly left his wife and two daughters. He was having a relationship with a woman who did the same job as him in another school. She had left her husband and as a couple they were just a mutual admiration society. I never thought he was very good at his job but she clearly thought he was wonderful. He got a trendy new haircut and a yellow sports car (no kidding!).

She was apparently always pushing him on to bigger and better things. He did get another job which was clearly beyond his abilities and he ended up leaving under a cloud (not sure of the details).  The relationship quickly fell apart and he ended up opening a cafe in a student area, where he apparently 'found himself'.

I have no idea how things stand with his wife, they certainly didnt get back together. I believe she is remarried. The really interesting thing is the total fantasy nature of the relationship with the OP and how it was nothing like it appeared on the surface. They presented as successful, affluent, glamorous (both were very attractive) and 'so happy'  but it was built on nothing and had no substance.

[Gardenia]

My SIL was in her late 20's I think she was about 28. She decided she never loved her H and did not want to wasite her life with him. She was upset about him being gone al the time and did not want to "waste" her body??

While he was deployed she sent him divorce paperwork and got implants. Partied A LOT. Dated, but apparently had a full blown relationship which she has never told me about. Well after her divorce went through and H was back from deployment she moved out one day while he was at work.

SHe was lonely and they started spending time together again. I spoke to him about a few things she needed from him. She moved back in with him and they are remarried.

The whole thing went on for about 3 years.

Today she seems happy. Wants her implants sized down and even went back to her old work location. Talk about complete turn around, or rather turn back.

[StandandDeliver]

Gardenia,

This is interesting because I have heard that many women go throught a sort of transition around 27 -28, often leaving relationships etc. It is interesting that your sister had this sort of identity crisis at this point - but i think that maybe it shows that a crisis is not really so heavily linked to age (as the term mid-life suggests) but is related to a process that some people go through when they find themselves analysing their lives (healthy) for the first time and the analysis gets completely out of hand and spirals towards negativity and depression (unhealthy).

It is interesting that the whole thing covered a 3 year span and there were body issues and an exploration of identity involved. I wonder if people who marry young are more prone to this sort of crisis and running behaviour (my own sitch and it seems that many on the board were young when they fell in love and committed to each other - perhaps sometimes too young to really understand what a commitment was about or that love sometimes does involve work, it is not simply a buzzy feeling that will sustain you for 50-60 years through all the ups and downs of life. Hmmm...