[MarkedandHealed]

Lolz, Buggy, and what does chocolate cake look like on the bottom of your shoe if you dropped it on the floor?
I'm not being nice here, sorry. Truly I am a nice person. 

And WM, interesting thought you put in my head. Not that it's a huge revelation or anything, just not something that I have thought on before. That's that the affair is such a "fantasy" world that even the finances are fantasy.

My H is spending hundreds each week while we're filing bankruptcy. She has no idea, but I've thought and a great, insightful friend has said that she's using him... imagine if she knew there was nothing there to use?

[Buggy31]

Does anyone know if child support/spousal support comes out of the gross or net pay?  What prevents someone from socking money into their 401 K if it's net?

[readytofixmyselffirst]

All assets are considered including contributions to a 401 k. Your attorney will ask for a paycheck stub and adjust finances accordingly. Now, if the situation comes to head with my w and I, we will not have much to divide other than a percentage of my retirement because the debt it too high and we are upside down in the mortgage. I probably can get her to walk and keep the kids if I push it hard enough.

Your h has his neck in a noose and it is very tight. He has very few options and his actions are only helping you in the long run. You are doing fine. (((Hugs))) Keep the NC going and all communication with him should go through your attorney.

[Still]

After meeting with an attorney this week, I found out that my H could file for spousal support 

That's what I get for taking a second job to increase our family income.

[Buggy31]

Still even if he is the one "abandoning the marriage and marital home"....do you make more than him?  Luckily with substituting I can hold out a bit because it's temporary and day by day...it's the ideal for me right now. If I prevent him from seeing the kids the only thing left to hurt me and HIS CHILDREN with is finances...but based on his actions I wouldn't put that past him...really 

[readytofixmyselffirst]

In some states, that does not matter at all. I am out here in CA and my w could take me to the cleaners. If I were in Utah, I could take her to the cleaners because of the affair and her treatment of the kids. It really sucks that we live in a society that will put you in jail for kicking a dog, but will rewrd you with money for having an affair and abandoning your family.

Makes you wonder where our priorities are.

(((Hugs)))

[LettingGo]

Buggy, only an attorney can answer your question.

That being said, I'd be surprised if any attorney would admit that judges don't look kindly on abandonment of little kids (nurse that baby in court if you have to...) adultery and getting another married woman pregnant! They can say the law is the law, but judges ultimately have some leeway and your husband looks like the worst kind of jerk.... Jerry Springer all the way, so I think you can probably count on getting as much as they can possibly give you under the ugly circumstances.

Now, THAT being said.... in the words of my Grandmother - "don't borrow trouble". Stop obsessing over things that haven't happened yet.

[Still]

Still even if he is the one "abandoning the marriage and marital home"....do you make more than him?

Not sure what you mean, Buggy. Just looking at straight earnings, I make more than he does. I guess it doesn't matter that my student loan is almost $200 more than his payment each month.

The attorney I saw, said PA is a 50/50 state. Assets and liabilities will be split down the middle. Spousal support can be sought by the person whose earnings are less.

Here I am trying to figure out who to refinance my home to be able to remain on only my income and had never even thought about having to pay spousal support. She did say with the difference only being a few thousand, he would probably not even bring it into the equation.

[limitless]

To all,
Something that I have been wondering about.
Does your MLCer still support the family financially?
Has he/does he keep up with his responsiblities regarding bills and such?

I am trying to get an understanding regarding the financial responsbility end of this.

My H still puts his check into our joint account.  (I have a separate account for my check, that he cannot access).  He takes an agreed upon amount out each week.  With the exception of the cell phone bill (I had been checking the usage - so he took that over 3 months ago) - I take care of paying all our bills - between my check and the amount he leaves in the joint account.

I think that my H is at the point where he is pretty broke.  He had to ask me a few weeks ago for funds to fix his car.
This is strange - as there were adequate fund in the joint account (that he can access).  He wouldn't/shouldn't have had to ask me for anything.

My H has always had money/spending issues.  I always took care of our finances.

I almost think that he is purposely keeping himself from being in control of our money - as I don't think he trusts himself.  I also think he uses this issue to gain sympathy from his parents - as they think that "He has nothing.  I took his home, his money, and everything from him."  It fits into his "poor me" persona.

I am curious how the LBS and MLCers handle the "Money Matters"

L

[rediscover]

My H insisted on paying for everything when he left and even asked me to give him all of the bills, saying I should not have to deal with it. 
I'm an accountant and I have always handled our finances.  I did not give the bills to my H.  I sent him a spreadsheet each month outlining what I needed money for.  Sept-Dec he was great about making sure I had the money.  Last month he got behind. 
I have decided that I will no longer ask him for money.  He's responsible for my rent and I will direct the landlord to him if it is not paid, but otherwise I will only pay the bills associated with the children and myself.  I will no longer be sucked into his drama.  However, I believe my H needs to find out for himself about the finances and the consequences of not being responsible.  He failed to give me money for the health insurance last month.  His health insurance was cancelled.  I told him straight-forward when he failed to provide enough money that the health insurance would be cancelled on x date.
I also beleive that one of my H's issues is money.  His parents and ex-wife used money to control him.  I refuse to play into it.