[Shantilly Lace]

Ok this is something that has been bought to the attention of moderators.


Please be careful with the “pet names” you choose for the other person.  Even edited swear words are swear words and things can be offensive.  REALLY offensive.


We all understand that we are angry at the other person.  But really they owe us nothing, they didn’t make the vow or promise to us nor do we know what they were told about us.  Doesn’t make it right but in a world where we are fed that unhappy marriages should be tossed aside, is it so hard to believe that the lies they have been fed plus todays society makes for a perfect storm?


As stayed has said directing the anger at the op may stop us killing our spouse but in fairness it is our spouses that did this to us.


The op should know better.  Yes. 


Please keep “pet  names” civil.  I don’t know why anyone would want to expend energy writing anything than ow, om, or op?  Really you want to give them a special name and a special place?  Think about it.  you spend more energy on them.


Yep we think about it, that’s what happens, but don’t make them a special place in your life.

[NoRegrets]

Guilty.

I will try to be better.

You're right--the focus should be on ME and MY new life, not on someone who really doesn't matter.

[LettingGo]

Agree..... OW or OM should be sufficient. They are STUPID... it is not a crime. Take the highest road possible, even if it is fake.. in front of your MLCer.... (by the way, I got an F in this class, LOL!!!) and REMEMBER... GOD "has"this.... or Karma, or whatever works for you..... this is NOT your vengeance to take.... allow GOD or the UNIVERSE to dole it out.

My personal sitch.... husband and I just bought a house together... YAY!!... BUT... ow doesn't know.... hahahahaahahahahahahahahahah!! How is this NORMAL!??? It's not.... BUT ONE DAY, ow will get her BD..... and she will be DEVASTATED... but for LIFE..... she hasn't a CLUE how to attract "normal available men"..... not a clue... I have LEARNED some lessons, and are open for more... so, even if my MLCer were hit by a bus TOMORROW, I could move forward in a POSITIVE way.... ow will get her just desserts..... don't worry.

She's still a B, though.... 

[Anjae]

I used an edit swear work regarding OW2 but that was a quote of what my husband had told me about her, not my own wording or though. So, if I use that quote again in context I think the edit swear word will be there because it is his own saying.

[LettingGo]

AnneJ.. if THEY say it... I say POST IT, LOL!!!

[In this for ME]

As stayed has said directing the anger at the op may stop us killing our spouse but in fairness it is our spouses that did this to us.

I have a question....where is the anger supposed to go??

What direction is safe for it???

The person who needs to listen to the hurt ( anger)  so we can process and get past it is AWOL either physically emotionally or both.

You can express your sorrow, devastation and heartbreak  to your therapist, a close friend, whomever you choose.

 But until the one that has hurt you HEARS YOU; there will be anger.

[Anjae]

But until the one that has hurt you HEARS YOU; there will be anger.

I agree with this. Even if residual an minimal there will be some anger until the day they hear us.

LG, Yes, if they said it I think we can post.

[Dontgiveup]

I have not used any names for OM in my case......I don't even know if there is one.  I have no idea.

I am not a moderator, but Hope Floats indicated this is an issue that has been brought to the attention of the moderators.

Just because the MLCer says it doesn't make it necessary to post.....or respectful.

[FixingMyself]

My problem is my husband likes her and my kids like her, in any other circumstance i would probably like her and when I tell myself that, after all......I am fair, reasonable and balanced and as a Librian sun sign, I can always see the other side............ It really MESSES WITH MY HEAD and it almost stops me wanting to stand, to actually make myself imagen a future that my husband is happier with her and perhaps i am happier without him.

So I need to dislike what they have done to me and I have to question the motives of a naive young thing and wonder what the hell she thinks she is doing? (i know what she thinks she is doing and I need at times to hate her a bit for it otherwise I couldn't STAND and I couldn't STAND IT.

In moderation ......and keep the moral upper hand do not give in to anger, "their relationship is rooted in lies and deceit and things rooted in lies and deceit do not grow well" not my quote.......... its Mort Fertel's and I love to listen to him give that schpeel...!

[Shantilly Lace]

Fixing myself, yep I liked her before this, my girls liked her (and 3 still do).
You don’t have to like what they did.


It’s not about liking it, it is about letting that anger go so it doesn’t EAT you alive, regardless of whether they stay with the op for not


We all go through stages of hating ow, but I just can’t be bothered with it.  I don’t like it and yes I get angry when she comes to my house.  But I don’t hold it against her.


And as for hurt, I get angry, I get hurt BUT I don’t hang onto it.  no point.  I figure it out.  Maybe I am in denial, but I don’t think so.  i work through it.  And I am not going to remain angry the rest of my life at something that has happened.  I will NOT do that.  It still doesn’t mean the op is at fault.  They BOTH did the wrong thing and yet everyone here (I have done it too) blames it squarely on op.  We move through it and change it.  But I don’t give ow anything more.  Sometimes I wonder what goes on in her head. but hey I am human.