BD2 for me was over two years ago... i still have a problem when people refer to our relationship 'breaking up' or we 'split up'..i didn't go anywhere..(well technically i've had to move, but you know what i mean )so i tend to correct people who make a reference in that way 'sorry to hear you guys have broken up' etc...i always say he left; not my choice, he abandoned us... i notice how i say it can make the other person uncomfortable..but..that's what happened. I didn't have a say.
When someone refers to the breakup or split.. it's like there is an assumption i'm included in the 'break up' decision making and that's so not the case! I remained with our children to pick up the pieces etc etc. I remember when someone i knew started to say sorry about your breakup etc and i explained as best i could and she said 'oh..i thought it must have been you that left or had the affair as when i asked your H at a gig recently where you were, he just look sad and remained silent' ! i suppose i can't really imagine him saying..oh you won't see HeyJude here, i thought it best to have an affair and leave her and the boys..seemed the right thing to do at the time..i was sure i was going to be so much happier once i was 'free' of her and family...'or do they want people to just feel sorry for them..... and on it goes!!
EXACTLY!
My xH went around explaining to people, "Oh, Cali and I split up."
Split up?
Split up? No--no, we didn't "split up." He just left.
But saying we "split up" sounds so much more...
mutual. And he would look very angry about it, too, and I looked ok, except for the part about the crash diet causing sunken eyes and baggy clothes--but I would smile and try to look nice.
Now I tell people the truth--xH left the family for another woman. I still live in our family home with the boys full time.
Cuz that's the truth.
To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of love—because he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone. --Ayn Rand