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Author Topic: MLC Monster Insight from a Woman MLC'er

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MLC Monster Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#90: June 15, 2012, 04:55:59 AM
HJ,  I know what you mean about people assuming I had a part in the "split".  My line is "I didn't participate in that decision".  That seems to state it clearly without me having to go into it any more.

Now if BF could see that distinction.  Sigh. Sent him a text last night to that effect, stating that normal couples talk and try to work out what is wrong. Went on to state that walking out the door was not a mutual decision; it was an act of cowardice. I know it won't make a difference but I hate having to live with this every day while he waltzes around doing as he pleases without a conscience apparently.
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#91: June 15, 2012, 07:03:28 AM
Now if BF could see that distinction.  Sigh. Sent him a text last night to that effect, stating that normal couples talk and try to work out what is wrong. Went on to state that walking out the door was not a mutual decision; it was an act of cowardice. I know it won't make a difference but I hate having to live with this every day while he waltzes around doing as he pleases without a conscience apparently.

And that's why you, as an unmarried woman who has no kids with this man, needs to seriously consider why you are putting up with his crap at all.
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#92: June 15, 2012, 02:30:07 PM
BD2 for me was  over two years ago... i still have a problem when people refer to our relationship 'breaking up' or we 'split up'..i didn't go anywhere..(well technically i've had to move, but you know what i mean  :) )so i tend to correct people who make a reference in that way 'sorry to hear you guys have broken up' etc...i always say he left; not my choice, he abandoned us... i notice how i say it can make the other person uncomfortable..but..that's what happened.  I didn't have a say.

When someone refers to the breakup or split.. it's like there is an assumption i'm included in the 'break up' decision making and that's so not the case!  I remained with our children to pick up the pieces etc etc. I remember when someone i knew started to say sorry about your breakup etc and i explained as best i could and she said 'oh..i thought it must have been you that left or had the affair as when i asked your H at a gig recently where you were, he just look sad and remained silent' !  i suppose i can't really imagine him saying..oh you won't see HeyJude here, i thought it best to have an affair and leave her and the boys..seemed the right thing to do at the time..i was sure i was going to be so much happier once i was 'free' of her and family...'or do they want people to just feel sorry for them..... and on it goes!!  ??? >:( :D


EXACTLY!

My xH went around explaining to people, "Oh, Cali and I split up."

Split up? Split up? 

No--no, we didn't "split up." He just left.

But saying we "split up" sounds so much more...mutual. And he would look very angry about it, too, and I looked ok, except for the part about the crash diet causing sunken eyes and baggy clothes--but I would smile and try to look nice.

Now I tell people the truth--xH left the family for another woman. I still live in our family home with the boys full time.

Cuz that's the truth.

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To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of love—because he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone. --Ayn Rand

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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#93: June 15, 2012, 02:43:04 PM
My xH went around explaining to people, "Oh, Cali and I split up."
MAYBE it is your SPLIT personality, Cali and NoRegrets  ;D ;D ;D
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#94: June 15, 2012, 04:12:52 PM
EXACTLY!
My xH went around explaining to people, "Oh, Cali and I split up."

Split up? Split up? 

No--no, we didn't "split up." He just left.
My MLCer told people we had grown apart ???. It would have been nice if I had known we had grown apart. I would have appreciated being let in on the secret; it might have helped alleviate the shock and trauma of BD.

We've grown apart now, that's for sure.

honour
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Me 52,T 34,M 28
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BD 19th Aug 2010
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#95: June 15, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Mine told the guy he went and live with before BD that things were not going well between us and that we had agree to give it a time…  ::) ::) ::) Then, after BD se said we slipt up.  ::) ::) ::)

Must be another one of those MLCers things…

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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#96: June 15, 2012, 05:28:28 PM
My MLCer told people we had grown apart

This is a very common MLC quote.  Mine said it too.....starting with saying it to me.
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#97: June 15, 2012, 05:45:33 PM
Just thought I'd put a post up in this thread to thank you for posting this on our forum. I read the AmyC thread the other night and got a lot from it at a time when I was cycling really low. It saved me in many ways and reopened my eyes to things I had forgotten about being the MLC'er.


I realize now that my biggest problem is patience, having gone through MLC myself I was applying my timeline to my W and growing more and more impatient as the days wore on. She is passing me in length of duration. I now truly realize that I have no control over how long it is going to take and a better grasp on the fact that it could very well  not turn out the way I intend.


I still believe strongly that we will make it but only if I learn to trust the process and shut my mouth!! Further I need to stop giving lip service to what I plan to do and get on with the doing of it. no more procrastination or I will definitely fail.


I like most of you love my spouse with all my heart and soul, more so now I think after recommitting at least to myself to a life with her. I also realized that I have been damaged by my inability to express myself to her during my awakening due to her being in her own MLC at the time.
I still do not know what I can do about that yet, I know it has made it harder for me to detach and to play the role.
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#98: June 15, 2012, 07:25:00 PM
Thank you for reminding me:

1. Patience.
2. Stop talking & planning & act.
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Re: Insight from a Woman MLC'er
#99: June 16, 2012, 10:18:56 AM
RivenIn2

May be it would be educational to hear of your thought process as MLCer.

Dr.NO
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