[keepingthepeace]

I hear alot about mlcer being more vain. In my situation I was a little surprised over the weekend when my husband took my son bike riding in a busy area on a junky antique bike and even took his shirt off.  This is a guy that wouldnt even take his shirt off to cut the grass.  He was always very modest and very self concious if fact he always gave me a hard time because I wasnt.  I do remember on one of our last dates ovwr a year ago, he had bumped the table and spilled his drink, he had mentioned to me and really wanted me to know how he didnt even get embarassed.  That was a few months before bd, is this something hes working thru, has anyone else seen similar things?

[In this for ME]

Mine asked me to use some of my makeup today to cover up a blemish on his skin.....haven't encountered this except for pre BD.

Mine has HUGE hangups about what happens in public- like if I or the girls  talk too loud etc. he gets all freaked out and embarrassed.    But I'm seeing it isn't consistant anymore.

Mine was NEVER modest and that hasn't changed.

[keepingthepeace]

Im just wondering if my husband seems to be growing less self conceous if this is a sign of him growing.

[Ready2Transform]

He is experimenting with different beliefs than what he had before.  Some he may keep, some he may not, and some may be somewhere in the middle.   Mine was a pretty modest, quiet guy before, who had strong views but expressed them in unique ways.  Now he's still modest in some ways, but boisterous in others, and tends to go with the crowd as much as possible, probably trying to fit in.  Growing? Definitely, even still in replay.  It's what it's all for, but it may end up being totally different.

[ascending]

This makes me laugh because I am picturing the teeth whitening, the bodybuilding mags and sups, etc that my dh has gotten into. It's laughable because I know the real insecure and confused person. He is trying to turn himself into a Rico suave or something. He even shaves his chest hair now, must be the OW because I hate it.

[Trustandlove]

Yup, completely.

[BonBon]

I agree that they are trying to do or be something different than what they were.  I think that alot of them do become overly vain, if only temporarily.  My husband was always vain but self concious as well.  During replay, he changed his body completely with obsessive workouts, running, body building and all kinds of supplements meant to "muscle-up".  His body became unrecognizable.  He experimented with many hairstyles, various forms of facial hair, new clothes, mostly body skimming.  He also was concerned with what people thought of the car, the house...everything.

This was a complete change.  Now he is back to his normal body and still worried about it but certainly not so obsessive.  I still see some experimentation with the hair and beard but I probably would not even notice it were I not always on the lookout for MLC stuff.

Bon

[honour]

he had mentioned to me and really wanted me to know how he didnt even get embarassed.  That was a few months before bd, is this something hes working thru, has anyone else seen similar things?

Yes I have seen similar and had LBS tell me of similar.

My take on the MLCer's new found lack of self-consciousness  is this: they have been living with low-grade depression, self-esteem issues most of their lives. They protect themselves with denial and a social mask. They've desperately do not wanted people to see the real, dreadful person they feel themselves to be. Then they arrive at mid-life, the triggers kick in and the depression reaches a peak. They "go over the top" as depicted in graphical form here http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html (I think it was Kikki who first posted this).
The mental chains have come off and they feel a freedom from the persona they felt they used to be. My xW,  on one of the few occasions I managed to gain any insight from her, said to me, "I have discovered myself."

Sbreeze1 a female MLCer at Women In Mid Life Crisis wrote
"MLC feels like a new 'clarity', like a veil of self-deception has been lifted - like - WOW - why didn't I realize all of this before!!!!  when in fact, it severely impairs our ability to have 'clarity' about what our lives have been and are.  It FEELS totally opposite to what it REALLY is, which makes it a very devious and insidious enemy."

So they feel free, no more embarrassment, no more tiresome social awkwardness, but as most of us have witnessed here, the new found "freedom" goes hand in hand with abhorrent behaviour, lies, deceit, adultery and Monster. These are not manifestations of emotional health. Emotional health is quietly confident and benevolent.

At mid life they are now "free" and released from inhibitions, thus they conclude if they hadn't been free until this enlightenment with OM/OW then it must have been the fault of the LBS who must have kept them controlled or constrained, so the LBS gets slammed with all the MLCer's blame and anger.

The MLCer's new found confidence and freedom from embarrassment is not built on a sound foundation and is therefore not likely to last. Eventually the depression will return but be compounded by all the destruction they have caused to family and loved ones along the way.

honour

[keepingthepeace]

Wow  thnak you honour, you helped me confirm things I thought for a long time.

[calamity]

This is so weird.  My h has always been modest--very blond, no tan, thin.  I mean, he was never an adonis.

Last week, fixing something, he took his shirt off to keep it clean.  No undershirt [also strange].  He never, never goes topless.  So weird.

I went & found him a t-shirt b/c the kids [d21 & partner] were here & they were I was embarrassed.