[leftylulu]

Your welcome and my pleasure!!!

Take care,
Lulu

[Slow Fade]

Thank you FB. I think this is the angriest I've been with the most resolve to detach. Maybe I am moving forward.....

One thing I need to ask and I will post this on the mentor board too is this.

It didn't take very long for H to cave. He called me again tonight while I was in the bath (s9 brought me my phone, he's such a phone nazi! Can't stand not to answer it.) H wants us to come to his house for dinner and he will give me some money.

I think he may have sensed the change in me. That he's finally crossed that line. Then he asked me how much weight I had lost. I told him about 35 pounds, thinnest I've been in about 10 years. I asked him why and he said it just shows. "you are getting a figure back." WTH??? Is that MLC speak for now that you look better I'm interested again??? I was mildly insulted. All I said was "yes, others have been noticing and complimenting me too when they come in the office." Let him wonder about that!

What is he doing? Is this another touch and go? Charming Monster" Fear of losing me finally?  I'm not in a place to analyize this at all. I don't want to get hoovered back in. I'm afraid.

Opinions on how to handle this are needed! Help!

[stayed]

Slow Fade, don't handle it... IGNORE IT!  MLCer's can't stand to be seen as the BAD GUY.  Not to mention, you were "suppose to be" where he left you... "what the heck, it looks.... oh my goodness, but I think you are THRIVING?  WTH? ? ?  Get back on the floor, how dare you look GREAT, healthy, almost happy!! 

This is their crisis and some of them, I think they want you to REMEMBER that.  Sorry but you must never forget... they are BAT$HIT CRAZY my dear.  You are sounding like you are finding your place in all this, like you are beginning to appreciate YOU.  This is his crisis, this is his problem, but it looks to me, like you are AND have LEARNED a lot from this. 

You want to attract the RIGHT people into your life, then find your inner strength, your inner peace, joy and love of life.  There is nothing more attractive then a person who CLEARLY loves being ALIVE and nobody and nothing is going to take that away from them.  Reading your comments Slow Fade, I have seen a dawning awareness of self. 

Keep going my dear... hugs Stayed

[ehill]

I have a question. I keep reading that the MLCer has had some kind of childhood trauma that was never resolved thats why this is happening. My H had a wonderful childhood and adolesences. He has a great family. All of his actions and words are textbook MLC. Could someone have MLC and not have had a bad childhood?

[stayed]

I would think so ehill.  I'm not convinced that this is caused by an unhappy childhood... goodness, most of the world would be in crisis if that were true...

hugs Stayed

[Ready2Transform]

I think there's too much evidence of other factors being involved.  Childhood issues may play a role, but hormone changes, neurotransmitters in the brain, and current major life events have a dominant role, too, I believe. 

[Rollercoasterider]

Jim Conway had a difficult childhood, but Chuck didn't.
Chuck's father was in a work explosion when Chuck was about 7 and when he was a teenager his younger sister almost died from lupus and around that same time their cousin who was his sister's age--they were very close--drowned at a family picnic. They were supposed to go, but did something else that day, otherwise they would have been at the scene.
Chuck's dad is very nice, but a perfectionist. He was the foreman at a floor covering store owned by his older brother. Chuck began working there and training in his early 20s and there were a lot of cousins and at least one uncle working there. He was teased be everyone and nicknamed anchor--and not because an anchor is strong and steady; they meant he weighed them down. Maybe two years ago he was doing a side job and went into the store to pick something up and came out with tears--someone had said hi anch to him. They had not meant it to be mean anymore, the name just stuck I think. But his self-esteem was pretty low growing up and I don't know that his parents encouraged self-confidence. But his upbringing was pretty normal and healthy too.
His low self-esteem set him up for MLC, but he didn't need a trauma to get there.

[ehill]

Thank you all,

My H has had great self esteem and a good life for the 24 years I knew him before this crisis hit out of nowhere for me 2 years ago.

[OldPilot]

Thank you all,

My H has had great self esteem and a good life for the 24 years I knew him before this crisis hit out of nowhere for me 2 years ago.

There may be no way for you to know what trauma or missing piece is left out of his life.
Maybe during his MLC his childhood age will emerge,
it really does not matter.
It is for him to resolve, not you.
You can not help him or change his childhood.
It could be a trust issue.
Or not enough girlfriends in high school.
Depends on the issue that was left behind.
You say that he has the traits of someone in MLC,
if you examine those closely it may help to determine what is missing.

If he has an OW, he is an an older age, no OW a younger age.
Replay is a do over. Try it again.

Hope that helps.

[xyzcf]

Could someone have MLC and not have had a bad childhood?

Absolutely. I am a fan of Erickson's developmental stages and tasks of life. At any point, even with perfect parenting, something can happen that somehow affects the ability to successfully complete that stage.

A mother may have suffered from post partum depression and may not have physically given enough contact to her baby, she may have been ill at some critical stage, the child may have suffered an illness, it doesn't have to be something that is huge and overt.

I think that coupled with the biochemical, physiological and stress related issues that are faced, if the buildblocks are not firm, they will let go and a "break" occurs of a crisis ensues.