[sassy40]

I can completely see the Reactive Attachment Disorder in my husband.  Because of his childhood I don't think he knows how to bond with anyone.  I see how he is with his children.  He goes through the minimum actions, but there doesn't seem to be any real emotional connection there.  It's all superficial.  I think he tries, but just doesn't know how to bond and he tells himself he's fine just how he is. 

[forthetrees]

A MUST read:   http://news.yahoo.com/depression-shrinks-brain-180043942.html

[Thundarr]

That article would explain me, FTT.  Lol

I did like the comments under the article.  A couple were thought provoking.

Btw, a strange thought occurred to me.  What if our spouses were insane UNTIL MLC and the stress is coming from them gaining sanity?  (cue Twilight Zone music)

[Anjae]

Btw, a strange thought occurred to me.  What if our spouses were insane UNTIL MLC and the stress is coming from them gaining sanity?  (cue Twilight Zone music)

On that case we should all be confined to a mental health institution because we are insane. After all, if that is so, we have been married to mad people for decades and have never realised. Something must be wrong with us! 

[kikki]

FTT also has an excellent point about BPD.  In fact, what we now know is that BPD is really a form of bi-polar disorder and IS treatable with meds and therapy.  When the new DSM comes out (it's the Bible of mental health) BPD will no longer be recognized as an Axis 2 disorder (personality disorder).  From what I have seen MLCers do tend to have BPD symptoms, but so have I since this started.

Thundarr - this is really interesting. 
I think I read somewhere that the female MLCer is more likely to show BPD type symptoms and the male MLCers are more likely to display narcissistic symptoms. 
We all thought my H was bipolar when this started.

If BPD has been found to be a form of bipolar disorder, I wonder if eventually MLC may end up there too one day??? Just a thought.

[kikki]

I am constantly trying to find an answer to why this mess occurred in my life. I am not a psychiatrist and have limited knowledge about these conditions but something struck me and I feel compelled to share. I think it was this…it has something to do with the pain that both the LBS and the MLC experience in our inner worlds due to this event that has changed everything.

It is this internal pain that we have felt. I know what this pain feels like and it is terrible. In a crisis, how much pain is there for the MLCer? Is it so intense that they have to find a way to escape by whatever means possible?

Where did this pain come from? I know what event triggered my pain but I also comprehend that I am also responding to things in my past as well that have been triggered by this event.
I suspect that the MLCer’s pain is worse than we can ever imagine and that the running that is so common is an attempt for them to sooth and get rid of that pain. I also suspect that the running will not work eventually and the fog that we talk about which allows them some protection from the agony and pain will eventually dissipate causing them to run further away when they see the destruction of their lives or turn back and try and rebuild what they have lost and destroyed.

I was also struck and concerned about my own mental health at this point. 3 years seems to be quite excessive to resolve the grief that has caused so much distress. I think to most therapists, they would see my response as being excessive.

XYZCF - I agree with you.  I do believe our spouse's pain would have had to have been enormous for them to be able to do what they did. 
When drowning - you grab onto the closest log of wood.  (Whatever that log of wood is).

It is disappointing to find ourselves this far away from BD, and to still be struggling with it all.
I also agree - most therapists do consider our response excessive, but those people have never been in this situation.  They have no idea. 
A friend once said - he's a therapist, not a sage! 
My therapist recently said that he sees the boys and I in an extended grieving process. 
Yes we are grieving, and yes it is an extended period of time, but I do not think that it is unusual given the circumstances. 

[Anjae]

Yep, BDP is treatable with medicines therapy. Kikki, maybe female MLCers present more BDP traits but like you, I though my husband had turned bipolar.

MLC is bipolar. They swing between moods all the time. From hyper thrilled to deep sorrow. The thing is, can it be treated (or minimized)? I think it can be minimized because it involves depression and if the depression is taken care of a good part of the anxiety, unrest, feeling of drowning and suffocation is removed.

They would still have to process all their issues, may require time alone but it would be a bit different than having them out and about with no medicines or therapy.

It is a little odd that they always grab the wrong log, isn’t it? Especially when they knew we always had been there for them…  Unless, of course, they are trying to prevent us from drowning with them… But they torped us to the point of sinking our ship as well so it all a bit weird.

[xyzcf]

As I felt after the workshop there are many commonalities between different mental illnesses and what we see in MLC but that doesn't make it treatable IMHO because the person must want to be treated and most MLCer's don't see anything wrong with what they are doing. You'd also have to get the right medications and that's always tricky especially if MLC has multiple symptoms and meds always affect people differently.

One example given by the presenter was a woman who was diagnosed with bipolar disease when actually she was suffering from a thyroid "storm"..got her thyroid under control and she was no longer manic.

I also personally still see this as a developmental issue and just like meds will not change a child in the terrible twos nor stop an adolescent from rebelling, I don't think meds will help in the majority of cases.

Some MLCers seem to have some insight that there is something wrong and perhaps would benefit from talk therapy. In my husband's case..he does nothing about other medical issues that has other than swallow his meds so I doubt that he would be inclined to do anything about this...even if he recognized that he was having  a problem which he doesn't seem to.

[kikki]

It is a little odd that they always grab the wrong log, isn’t it? Especially when they knew we always had been there for them…  Unless, of course, they are trying to prevent us from drowning with them… But they torped us to the point of sinking our ship as well so it all a bit weird.

Yes - an 'interesting' choice of log all right!

This whole bipolar thing has me thinking, as the therapist that we both saw around Christmas time, said that with the infidelity, there also was the link to bipolar.    But there's also a link between depression and infidelity too. 
But doesn't bipolar depression especially have some thoughtless sexual behaviour attached to it???  Along with spending large amounts of money etc.

XY - I believe there are also quite a few mental illnesses where the patient does not consider themselves unwell, and refuses medication.  Bipolar and schizophrenia are two that I know of.

My H was one of the ones who has been off and on, acutely aware that something is amiss with him.  He seems terrified at the thought of 'mental illness' and medications though.  So not much chance of him getting help either.

I also believe it is a developmental issue, but this (mental illness) combined with that makes more sense to me. 

[xyzcf]

Yes, there is so much stigma surrounding mental illness that to take meds or receive treatment is somehow seen as acknowledging something that people do not want to be labelled with.

Jane Pauley ( major USA newscaster) developed bipolar disease in her 40's following administration of prednisone for hives.

There definitely seems to be a genetic componet to bipolar disease.

Kikki, I agree with you..there may not be a specific diagnosis but symptoms that could be indicative of many disorders...no simple blood test to tell.