[Trustandlove]

My two cents' worth is that contacting OW is a bad idea....  let her be the one to go nuts, not you. 

[MarkedandHealed]

You don't want to bluff and you probably don't want to lay down boundaries that he will only cross and will bring you away from your goal.

I'm two months into this and I am ignoring OW. She's a symptom, a band aid, and she is not going away. If I lay down boundaries now, he'll cross them and I may lose him forever.

Just my two cents.

[OldPilot]

A boundary is for you. Contacting the OW is not a boundary. It is not enforceable, it is controlling, it is pushing the OW and the MLC'er closer together. Everylne else has given you good advice DON"T!

[justasking]

Update

The texting between my friends H and OW continued 'hidden' until the end of May. It seems to have stopped now. He went into OW withdrawal and my friend left him alone.

He is now more depressed and withdrawn than previously, moved out of the marital bed and onto the sofa. Occasionally he continues to justify going i.e you never showed me love, nothing has changed, I don't want to stay here etc. My friend suggested he move out as he stated he didn't want to be at home. He has made no move to do that and infact is giving reasons to stay at home i.e decorating. My friend is happy to let the journey continue and when he needs it withdraw to reflect and think.

As someone said the journey isn't over yet.

[OldPilot]

The journey isn't over but he is moving which I always feel is a good thing.

She should not suggest that he move out. Unless she wants him to.
Keep giving him space. He will act so much like a child. Secretive.
As he goes further into depression he might even want to committ suicide.

Tell her she is doing great and that moving onto the couch is no big deal.
Let her be kind with her actions and lead the way for him to heal himself.
Once he gets to the bottom the only way after that is UP!

[justasking]

Thanks OP

I have had a long chat with her today and a cup of coffee or two! I have printed off a lot of the info I have about MLC and we talked about his journey and what she wanted. She wants to stand for her marriage but was confused to what was going on and taking it personally. I have explained how to detach and how it will be hard especially in the same house. I have also explained that she she stop giving him ultimatums as its a pathway to nowhere. I also told her he is in turmoil and totally confused hence the change in his manner from day to day.

Hopefully now she has some insight she will pull back and give him space.

[MarkedandHealed]

I'm in the same house and mostly detached. I say mostly because I don't know that anyone ever truly entirely detaches without moving on. H could always do something to get me back attached, if only for a moment.

It's easier for me perhaps as I had dealt with H's EA before. However, I believe the secret is really making an attempt to be empathic. To see things from his side and feel some of his pain. I'm not saying to make excuses for them but rather to just see things from the other side... it may allow her to step back and be kind next time he spews.

[Buggy31]

M&H
I know that you are living with your husband as he is involved in a PA.  How long has the PA been happening?  Do you see any cake-eating behaviors going on?  I'm just curious because my husbands EA has been going on for 18 months and he was very comfortable living between the two worlds yet continued to taunt me with his leaving in subtle, annoying ways.  It got to be too much and it was clear I was becoming the doormat.  Boundaries were set, in terms of, as long as he was in contact with other woman he could not be commited to the marriage in the way I needed, things kept get worse and worse.  He needed to end contact or leave.  I believe he was stuck in a cycle and I took the chance because he is very passive and depressive MLCer and the energy in the home was becoming toxic to everyone.  Now I feel like we're at a crucial point to see if he will grasp at Replay to avoid the Liminal fall or if he will slip.  Anyway your story interests me because I feel like you are one of the few whose husbands have remained home during the OW affair. 

[Writingmom]

In thinking about the chance that I may cross paths with OW today, I'm wondering how many LBS' have been exposed to OW/OM.  Do MLCers generally try to keep this seperate and private or do they flaunt it like they are shameless and proud?  It seems that I have not read much about paths crossing with OW/OM on this site.  Just wondering what the other experiences are with this. 

[hurt01]

I have not crossed paths with OW myself. But H flaunts her to all the family and all over town. I pray I never see Ow. H has took her around everyone in his family and is so proud of her. H is shameless and relentless in doing this. H wants everyone to except her . Told our kids they are getting married they are already looking at wedding rings. I hope you the best today. My prayers are with you.