[Mitzpah]

Great idea... I've really had some 'pearls' thrown my way

from SIL: you'll see, you'll thank him in the future!
You need to move on, I don't think he will change his mind now (this was two years ago -  five months post BD)
You have the kids, you can look forward to the grandchildren
You were drifting apart, you probably didn't notice
He is never coming back.

from brother: divorce him! forget about him! (six months post BD)

from friends: I hope you are getting out and getting to know 'new' people...
Why don't you change your hair?
How about some new clothes?
I don't believe that you still love him... (shaking their heads)


Listening to others is detrimental

[Poppy]

 

Would you have him back?   You wouldn't have him back would you?    (From my mother...not sure whether she was asking me, or telling me )

Just divorce him........  (My sister....shes so darn practical that gal )

Your better off without him......just look how thin you are .....(A friend......yeah its called, I can't eat.... without puking syndrome )

What am I going to do?.....(from my mother.....she always thinks of herself first...lol)

just sell the house and give him what he wants.....(His sister.....she always was tactless)

I've spoken to him.....you had a bad marriage poppy   (His sister)

just move on.....(My friend 2wks after BD)

Oh I didn't come to see you...i thought you might be upset ...... (My brother..... took him seven weeks after BD to call to see me.......he lives 2miles away....guess he thought I would be over it after seven weeks....lol

I just want him to be happy.....(His sister...blah.....well don't you fret about us love...as long as your brother is happy

I thought you two would be together forever.....(well meaning friend....yep that was the plan hun)

If you get back together, we will still talk to him....(My mother..stupid woman)

Your going to be destitute poppy.....(my mother....thanks for the vote of confidence)

Well your H must see something in that fat woman poppy.......perhaps she has a nice personality.....(A friend....now an Ex friend)

You want to get yourself a boyfriend....(My neighbour......one month after BD......Yes I can see that would REALLY help!)

You will always be part of our family.....(His sister....not heard from her for months....lol)

These things happen....its just life.....(His sister divorced x2)

I don't owe poppy anything.....(His sister....being bestie mates with ow)

Well Ow does have a dry sense of humour and she knows how to dress......(His sister)  and ow dresses like a "dump"...just for the record!




Luving this thread

[LearningIamOk]

I have heard "Just take it to the Cross and let God handle it".

From Evil Asst Mgr "He's not coming back. He bought a condo. Get over it" and "whatever you're feeling, leave it at the door."

"Maybe there's someone better for you. You deserve better than him".

"You were never happy".

"How long do you want to live like this?" (Standing)

[iamnottheenemy]

I also got the "You will always be part of the family" about two months before they told me I could talk to them about D, but not about H.

SIL:  Have you given serious thought to what you've done to cause the demise of your marriage? (That one still hurts more than six months later.)

same SIL:  H seems much happier now than we've seen him for a long time ... (that's called infatuation and an addictive high from an illicit affair and whacked-out hormones, since you didn't ask ...)

MIL:  You never made an effort to talk to him when you were apart in the summer (despite the 11-hour time difference between our locations, the fact that the only Internet where they live is dial-up, there's no cell towers within 3 miles and my e-mails show trying to Skype at least once a week, when that involved driving 10-20 miles each way to get Internet and that I was also trying to spend time with my dying mother.  Aaaargh!).

[Slow Fade]

I just want him to be happy.....(His sister...blah.....well don't you fret about us love...as long as your brother is happy

I got this from my MIL. She's all about her two sons being happy even though both of them have destroyed their families in the process. (BIL is going through nasty divorce right now, with three kids)

[Reinventing]

Cherry Blossom, this was very interesting to read:
Now that I've taken a step back I can see these comments for what they are.  They really are mostly an insight into the person who passes comment.  Once I started to recognise that I got much more clarity on the situation.  I could waste time trying to find out what Mr CB had said to friends and then setting them straight or I could just detach myself from the drama and these people and know that, in time, they will either get some clarity or they won't be so big a part of my life...


These are three powerful sentences. That really helped me to read this!

[Thundarr]

From FIL - "She just got tired of being married."

From SIL - "I think she's in some sort of a cult or something.  She made a bucket list (things to do before you die) at 41.  I'm 56 and have never even thought of making a bucket list."  She's still supportive and visiting from out of state; I'll see her tomorrow or Monday!

From my brother - "The best way to get over one woman is to get another one."  Uh, no.  Ironically, his W agreed with him.  Getting over XW is hard, but getting over the fact that the mother of my children is now bat$h!te crazy and caustic is even harder.  A new woman wouldn't fix that!!

[kikki]

From my MIL:

Oh no, some men leave their families at this age.
This is a terrible age for it to be happening to the boys (12, 14 and 15) - it would have been better if they were younger 
XXXX (FIL's name) and I must have been terrible parents
I'm scared (she's scared?)

A few weeks later, this became:

XXXXXX (my H) would NEVER have an affair.   Kikki, how could you say such a thing!!! 

When I explained some of his unusual behaviours and the fact that he was travelling with 'his friend', she said that my FIL met woman all the time for his work, and he never had an affair. 
I felt like saying that clearly her son didn't have the same character as her H, but managed to refrain.

When my H visited her for an hour or so and talked about how we would all go on a family holiday in a couple of months, I said that is odd, it is the opposite of what he is saying to me.  That he is going to leave as we have a bad marriage and we make each other feel bad.  And how untrue that was.  (I didn't understand MLC at that point).

She kept saying 'well, behind closed doors ....'

She said that a few times to me until I said MIL, you know that that is completely untrue.  Stop saying that to me.
She hung up on me and we didn't talk until I phoned her a couple of years later.

We have a chat about her (health) and our boys.  Avoided talking about her son.
She assured me that she had just redone all of the family photos, and that there was one of me, because after all, I was a part of her life for 25 years!  WTF? 
I just said 'oh good', and thought how dysfuctional can these people get!  Have not communicated with her since.

But how's that.  There is still a photo of me in the family album!!!  Guess you have to acknowledge the brood mare in some way.   Good for her!

[Reinventing]

Wow Kikki, that is harsh!

I got, "you must have made him your God if after three months you can't let him go and forget about him."

Also, in a conversation the morning after seeing him unexpectedly with OW, he's had affairs all during your marriage and you're going to die of some terrible disease if you keep stressing about this.

[toughtimes]

We have a chat about her (health) and our boys.  Avoided talking about her son.
She assured me that she had just redone all of the family photos, and that there was one of me, because after all, I was a part of her life for 25 years!  WTF? 
I just said 'oh good', and thought how dysfuctional can these people get!  Have not communicated with her since.

But how's that.  There is still a photo of me in the family album!!!  Guess you have to acknowledge the brood mare in some way.   Good for her!

Similar thing happened to me, at my D3s birthday party Hs mum and partner and dad and step-mum were there, dad and step-mum did a flashy photo album for Hs brother's 40th birthday. Pictures through the years and there are pictures of H and kids but I'm out! There weren't that many pictures of my MiL tbh! I wonder if I will make the photo album for Hs 40th? Probably not, they can just imagine that our children were created in petri dishes and some strange woman they have never met before or have any record of looks after them whilst their son larges it in the city with his little girl and plays at business building! Idiots.