[kikki]

Brilliant idea from NoRegrets. 

Why, we could have a section called "Bystander script," couldn't we?

Stuff like, "Oh, you must be amicable." Or,

"Oh, you really need to move on." Or,

one of the most gag-worthy, also said by MLCer's, "Oh, children are resilient."

All you can do is smile and thank them for their concern. It's really not worth arguing with them, because, in their ignorance, you will look like the bitter, nasty one.

[Slow Fade]

Ok, I'm on board!


" MLC is just an excuse for bad behavior"

"Why don't you go to counseling"

"Why don't you tell him how you feel."

[limitless]

This is a good one!

I know it is tough to be a bystander.  They only want us to stop being sad and "get over it."  They think that they are helping.

Here's a few, I got, at various stages -

"There's somebody else, there is always somebody else."  (Bystander was right, by the way).

"Why do you think so little of yourself?  Don't you believe that you deserve better?"  (While she goes home to her husband, and I am alone).

"What did you do to him?"  (Hate to admit, that was my father).

"You weren't happy with him.  You are so much happier now."  (Really?)

"He was never worthy of you."

"It's time to move on."

L

[Ready2Transform]

"You know what you need to do.  You have to file...you HAVE to!".  (fixer friend, about to lose her mind that she couldn't just go file for me)

"God's got a plan!  Sometimes he closes a door for a reason." (this is especially true when it's a padded room on the other side and your MLCer is in there)

"You can't make him stay married to you."  (gotta give credit where it's due here to MIL.   )

"Maybe you can forgive him someday." (friend who didn't talk to me again when I told her I already had)

"You were always the stronger of that pair anyway." (another friend who would always lose arguments to pre-MLC Hoss)

"You'll always be family to us." (The in-laws who no longer talk to me)

"There's a new single guy on the street!" (all of my 80 year old neighbors)

"A lot of guys are looking for a woman who is as loyal as you are." (neighbor being unintentionally ironic while encouraging me to date while I am still married!)

[Faithfully Yours]

Love this!!

How about, "You are so better off without him".

"You two were just toxic".

"He detached from you a long time ago, you need to accept it and move on".

"You need to marry for money next time". LOL.

[Still Kicking]

You picked him.  You chose this.

He probably never loved you in the first place. 

You need to start connecting with the OW's husband.

I thought I deleted you (his mother after she called me by accident).

[limitless]

Ready2 - My MIL (may she rest in peace) had some great lines, as well!

"If he says he's done, he's done."

"Why would you want him, anyway."

"I'm calling to yell at the kids (mine).  They haven't been nice to their father!"  (2 months after he walked out on us).

"There's nothing going on between H and his old high school girlfriend!  They are just friends!" (RIGHT!)

L

[Ready2Transform]

How dare they not be nice, L!  I think we could do a whole thread just for the collective MIL! Mine also said, "We feel Prodigal Son has come home!" with a big smile on her face right after he moved in with them, and encouraged me not to buy fries at McDonald's because, "You should save your money to pay bills."  I got a lot of "lean on Jesus when things don't go your way" to get me to leave her alone. 

I did take a little joy in outing him at BD2 as having put 2K miles on their new car running behind the history hag, though she was quick with "Sometimes there are just days like these."    Seriously? Sometimes you get a flat tire and you didn't get as many chips in the bag as you paid for.  Pretty sure that's not the same as having your life ripped out from under you while your H speaks to you in a robot voice about how he will get a lawyer the next day and annihilate your life because he "never learned how to be a man."  Head in the sand!

[toughtimes]

MiL: I really do believe that nothing happened between him and the ow until after he left.

To which I replied, I found condoms in his wash bag back in January. She looked down!

What a total w@"@@£

He's such a b@£yard

Just divorce him

TT you need to go to a lawyer and say, I want this D sorted in 4 weeks. (My brother)

Well if you were sorting this out with a lawyer he wouldn't be able to just come and go (my mother)

Get a lawyer and let him deal with him

I'm actually getting to the point now where the last two are probably right, my H doesn't care a fig about how I feel or how this is affecting me. Doesn't care. Just wants it all his way and to come out smelling of roses. Sorry bad day.

[cherryblossom]

Great idea from NoRegrets and Kikki for starting the thread  

I really feel that this is going to be an invaluable source because it's so easy to get drawn into doubting yourself when the MLC BS starts coming in from other sources.

Everything you get from these people is based upon either what the MLC-er has told them and/or their (often very) skewed view of relationships, emotions and people in general.

Me: this has all been such a shock - out of the blue
Friend: Well, you were really drifting apart after your mum died.  So kind of sounds like my mum's fault for dying - just too weird!

Me: I've told Mr CB that I don't want to divorce him - that I still love him
Friend:  But do you accept the reasons that Mr CB might not want to be with you?  Do you accept that you've been controlling in your R? 

Me:  I don't want to go to Mr CB's New Year Party
Friend: But we want to spend New Year with you and him.  You know you will have to get comfortable being in the same room as Mr CB  They took me out for "coffee" twice to discuss this and it felt like PRESSURE, mostly because it was.

Me:  This isn't a normal breakup
Friend: Oh, what is!

FIL:  We don't want to know

Friend: Now that you're single [eh, I'm not] you won't be able to have the same types of relationships with your guy friends who're married.  You'll be seen as a threat.   So, I pretty much went from victim to out-of-control predatory sexual beast in one fell swoop.  Hilarious!   

Now that I've taken a step back I can see these comments for what they are.  They really are mostly an insight into the person who passes comment.  Once I started to recognise that I got much more clarity on the situation.  I could waste time trying to find out what Mr CB had said to friends and then setting them straight or I could just detach myself from the drama and these people and know that, in time, they will either get some clarity or they won't be so big a part of my life...

x