[Rebel Yell]

I can't answer your daycare dilemma.
We all say things we probably shouldn't have.
Funny thing is it seems the MLCer doesn't remember it most of the time. Brain fog.
Understand you don't want her back right now, she's quite broken and you can't
fix her.
Love your daughter, that's your only job. She will never forget who was there for her.

[1994]

I can't answer your daycare dilemma.
We all say things we probably shouldn't have.
Funny thing is it seems the MLCer doesn't remember it most of the time. Brain fog.
Understand you don't want her back right now, she's quite broken and you can't
fix her.
Love your daughter, that's your only job. She will never forget who was there for her.

Rebel...

You're correct - I don't want her back yet....

There have been some nice progressive baby steps....

I'm focusing on the things I need to manage - verifying I'm doing the right things

[OnMyJourney]

NEW QUESTION

I've been stalling on separation agreement since end of March.  H emailed yesterday saying "Still waiting to hear from you."

Would like input on these responses I am considering:
I understand you want to separate our lives.  I don't agree with that but I’ll write something up for us to review and then it can be finalized by the lawyers.    or

I understand you want to separate our lives.  Let's get it done as soon as possible.  I'll write something up for us to review and then it can finalized by the lawyers.

I feel torn because I don't want to separate our assets but the risk of not doing it is getting higher.  (H started this process last November and has not acted--typical MLC behaviour.)

I appreciate any and all feedback.

OMJ

[Musica]

How about ...

"I understand you want to separate our finances,  can you write something up for us to review before we take it to the lawyers please?"

Put the onus on him ... let him write something up for you to review, why do you want to do the work? Let him do it.

[Stillpraying]

We used a mediator but it took a few sessions because we needed to get some items valued.  I am glad we had her there because I think it would have turned into a huge fight as H was already frothing at the mouth even while we had the mediator in the room. 

With her I felt protected and had a witness.  She was also able to get H to back down on some things and put forward things we both hadn't thought of. 

But then I was the one who did most of the work drafting up the agreement with the lawyers.  But I needed to protect myself financially so that was my sole motivation.

[27 years]

I'm currently facing a similar dilemma.  I did have my lawyer write up an agreement based on a few notes my H gave me.  I've basically said something similar to your first response that I totally don't agree with it but since I don't have any say in the final outcome I did have my lawyer draw up the papers.  However I must admit that by having my lawyer draw up the papers I somehow feel guilty as if it's my fault although I truly know it's not and have told my H that I feel the papers are just so wrong as is everything currently happening.  However it is to my financial benefit to go this route rather than let it go to court and let them make agreement decision.

Not quite sure what he's doing at this point as I gave him a copy about 1 1/2 weeks.  He hasn't said anything to me about papers since then, so don't know if he's actually retained lawyer yet and gave him copy, but he did have another monster episode related to his future plans that he feels I am delaying.

[Anjae]

How about ...

"I understand you want to separate our finances,  can you write something up for us to review before we take it to the lawyers please?"

I agree with this. However, in my experience, the MLCer may not do it or may do something that only benefits itself. Still, I would write that and would be ready to have my proposal to counter the MLCer one, or in case I really need to separate the finances.

If Musica's suggestion is not your style, than "I understand you want to separate our lives.  I don't agree with that but I'll write something up for us to review and then it can be finalized by the lawyers."

27years, nothing for you to feel guilty about. You need to protect yourself and your finances. MLCers seem to take ages after we send them whatever paperwork we have given them. It is hard to know why, at times, they don't seem to do a thing, even after they have received just what they have asked for.

[Stillpraying]

It's true.  My exH just kept nagging me and blaming me for the delay in the property settlement. 

I just calmly replied that I was not going to contact my lawyer every week to hurry things up.  That if he wanted to push it along he could contact his lawyer as it was his lawyer making ridiculous demands about how mine was to communicate to them. eg, they weren't to just personally walk the documents over. 

He wanted the money but wasn't doing any work to prepare the consent orders.

[Bailmor]

OMJ,

I am in the same situation as you.  My W has had her lawyer send me several letters wanted to discuss a separation and all assets.  I don't want to separate, I am willing to work on restoring our M.  I have countless times told W and also her lawyer that when my W openly tells our Ds about why she wants this and what exactly she wants, then I will proceed on my end.  My W had a separation agreement processed that wanted everything split 50/50 and I told W "no way in he)) I was agreeing to anything like that", since I wasn't the one who strayed from the marriage and hasn't lied throughout the process.  I also believe that child custody will play a huge part in how things will shake out.  I have my stuff ready to present to a lawyer and once this process begins, I will go full steam ahead, not looking back.  I'm prepared but trying to wait things out.  Good luck in your process.

Bailmor 

[BB64]

I did post this on my thread tonight and not got much luck in getting a response, I am sorry for repeating myself but didn't want to bump my thread as it is not urgent and the forum is very busy tonight with people who need to talk more than I do.
I just would like some opinions on this. It might even help somebody else. Thanks guys!

I have a question and was wondering if someone could answer it. I'm re-reading some articles and old threads and came across the 'failed return topic'

On BD, after a whole lot of talking, begging and trying to convince him, on my part, I sort of managed to convince  him to try again even though he'd apparently 'tried' prior to BD ( I knew nothing about that of course!).
The trial time to rebuild our relationship lasted just two weeks...I could feel he wasn't into it and I let him go. That was when he confessed to suffering with anxiety and I blamed myself for it.
Would the 2 weeks trial period ( I felt like I was on trial then condemned!!!) be classed as a failed return?

edit: I should add: I think he might have had a desire to return at some point or at least considered it as he once told his mum after SHE tried to convince him as well:'' Thing is, if I go back to live there, I don't think she'd be happy if I said I wanted to go around Europe for 2 months (WTF?!!!). I think we need to talk''


We never talked. He never talked