[limitless]

Lmm

Can you buy him out? 

I'm not saying that you offer to but you should know what your options are.

L

[trusting]

LMM, MLCers are not great about consulting us about anything.  Do you want to keep the property?

[Ready2Transform]

I think you're doing exactly the right thing.  It's monster monster monster!  You expect him to fix things so he's having a tantrum and trying to bully you!

Even if looking at this as a 'normal' situation where two divorced people still own property together, and have a fairly amicable relationship in dealing with the responsibilities of it (you have been a peach to him, even when his family has used it and repairs have been ignored), it would seem ridiculous that one party wouldn't consult the other to see if they were even interested in selling before approaching a realtor!  But knowing what we know about his state of mind, it's just one more thing to add to the MLC list. 

Do what you want, and take all the time you need to figure that out. 

[Disneyme]

I would ignore it. If he come back about it again than tell him you do not want to sell it. Whatever he pulls before divorse you can never go back to. If he sells it, they give him the check, if he spends it oh well. Judges do not understand MLC. They will say you signed it.

[LoveMeMyself]

Thank you L, Trusting, Ready2T, and Disneyme. 

First L, he once offered (nearly 4 years ago) to let me buy him out but it was a ridiculous amount and he'd never come close to that amount if we sell it.  We will be lucky to even split a 1/4 of the amount he quoted for me as his buy out price.  Regardless, I can't afford it (his price)..........nor would it be very smart financially for me.  I paid all the payments & fees for 14 months alone/without his help.....but I would be putting myself in a financial bind if I were to try to take it all on my own......and it would be just plain stupid for me to even try.

Trusting, I'd very much love to keep the property......but it is only because of the sentimental attachment I have and it is also the only thing between my exH and I that we share.........which in my mind......is our only reason to continue communicating......at best.

Ready,  I know you are right........"normal" situation would be that we discuss this issue without any problems or without him going behind my back.  And, yes, he has ignored my efforts in communicating about repairs.  Just last week I sent him an email with the power bill for the property and he replied thanking me but he also asked me what my thoughts were regarding the hot water heater issue.  I simply replied that I was open for suggestions and that we have always been able to work together and resolve any issues.  He ignored me and didn't respond back.  My guess is that he was fishing..........wanting to see if I had already taken care of it.......perhaps his brother/SIL wanted to use it.  IDK.  So, I guess his "suggestion" is to put it on the market........way below what we purchased it for nearly 9 years ago.

Disneyme, I am not going to respond to him.  I know he will leave it be for a few days or maybe even a week......but he will eventually come back at me and inquire as to why I ignored it.  We are divorced but the vacation property is in each of our names individually........we were not married at the time of the purchase so he can't take the money....they would issue us separate checks.  I am not concerned about that issue.  He can't put it on the market without my permission. 

I am just making myself sick over this.......why does it really matter?  I know I could certainly use the money I am putting into this property.  I feel like I would lose him completely but then again.....maybe this is the final rope that needs to be cut/dropped.  I feel like he will win if I give in.....I feel like he will be greatly relieved to be finally done with me.  It scares me.  I'm not so sure I am really ready to take this last step.  However, I know that no matter what.....my exH is going through MLC ..........and nothing matters until it is truly over.  I just need to take some down time and give it a lot more thought.  I feel like I am being stubborn, foolish and just plain bullheaded about it. 

Thank you all for your comments/suggestions.

[Bailmor]

QUESTION:

I think I know the answer to this question but I would like to get some input from others.  I received a message via FB from OM late Tuesday night that read

"Dude, throw in the towel." 

Then a little while later that night, I got a personal email from OM that read

"I would like to have a meeting with you.  Maybe lunch.  Nobody else, just you and me, to discuss the future.  I am obviously not going anywhere, and I have a daughter, so we need to discuss logistics."


Needless to say, I have ignored both correspondences and would see no reason to EVER meet this OM.  Recently, my W had a major breakthrough with my MIL about a very sensitive issue from W's past and there may be some major movement in the tunnel regarding W's MLC.  This week, W is away with D at a sailing / camping excursion, away from all modern amenities and hopefully has some time to process things uninterrupted.  Whether it is some sort of movement, positive or negative, is still to be seen. 

But, from the messages above, I am correct is deducing that this OM is trying very desperately trying to hold on to his fantasy life with my W.  Just interested in getting others views and comments on the correspondences from OM. 

[LoveMeMyself]

WOW, Bailmor........this OM must have some big ones!  Excuse me.  I can't believe the nerve of him contacting you.  I would ignore him as well.  Do not give him the satisfaction.......strange that he wants to meet with you to discuss his future.........and what exactly does the fact he has a daughter got to do with you?  I'm just floored at how these people behave.  You owe him NOTHING!  I'm still fuming from the email I received from my exH earlier today.......so, I would almost be tempted to tell your W what the OM did........just my thoughts.  I'm sure others would disagree......and if I wasn't so upset with my own situation right now I might not even suggest you telling her. 

[OldPilot]

PRESS IGNORE BUTTON

Do not tell your wife about this unless you are reconciled.

There is no reason to stir the pot and it will not be received the way you are thinking.

I would not even acknowledge that you got a message from the OM.

It could have been sent to your SPAM folder!

Are you friends with the OM on FB?

De-friend him.

[Bailmor]

LMM / OP,

Thanks for the incite.  I was NOT planing on responding in any way, shape or form to this OM..  OP, I was planning on telling W about these correspondences, but I will take your advice and just file these in the folder I have.  OM is NOT a friend on FB.  I guess he was able to send a message through my W page.  I truly feel this guy is trying to dictate the situation to his liking.  I don't want any part of his future, even if it involves my current W!  I believe this is an extremely sick individual and not stable mentally.  I am keenly aware of  the surroundings because I believe this OM could potentially cause harm.  Thanks for the response.

Bailmor

[Ready2Transform]

Good advice from OP!  I don't think it would have made a difference in how you should handle it if he'd just sent the latter message, but how bizarre that he sent both - one that makes him look like he's taunting you, another trying to play "leader" as though he is going to dictate what you will do.  Both clearly show you are a threat to him.  You are wise to ignore.