[fidelle]

"Of course my heart rate goes up & I feel that pit in my stomach every time I see an email...don't do as I do, do as I tell you.   "
hahaha, I'll second this, Calamity 

[misdiz]

Just needing a little support here.  Feeling lost and alone at the moment.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3441.msg232626#msg232626

I added your thread link--Calamity

[Disneyme]

Sf

I would be very worried. I would check with a lawyer on the house. After my H left, I changed the code on the alarm and told him he could no longer come if I was not home. Later I changed the locks. He lost his garage door opener so too bad, he can't get in. Yes he owns the house with me, but he abandoned the house and has no more rights to anything inside. He took the most important, clothes, jewelry, computer, and poker chips. I have sent boxes of stuff I'd throw out over to him but that's it.

[One Step]

Can someone pop over to my thread? Not as horrifc a situation as some people are in but I'm devastated.

Thanks
Dee

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3483.70

I've reply on your thread.

[living with Hope]

Question - because I am doubting everything and I mean everything. I am reading the articles again and I am struggling with this - So if they are incapable of loving us (the spouse) and incapable of loving themselves right now while they are in escape and avoid - how is it that they are capable of loving the OP?

Answered on your thread.

[panda]

NEW QUESTION:

'The Replay stage is the LONGEST of the stages, and can last up to two years or even longer, depending upon the "replay" behaviors used during this time. '

Can anyone just give me some more info on the above?  Does this mean if you have a high energy MLCer who is constantly looking for the next 'fix' - is replay likely to end sooner?

[Disneyme]

And can someone tell me if the OW is the new addiction what's the chances it will end. How many alcoholics never get help? I think it being an addiction I have to hope the OW decides to end it. Being that she is new in town I don't know if she is also crazy. She came aboard thinking after 2 years being separated we were done and he had no drama. She sees the "responsible" him with his new place, furniture, cooking and cleaning for himself. His new clothes all ironed. He hides his bills, so she thinks he can pay for everything. Once she found out I don't want a divorce she didn't leave, but they had already been going out over 3 months. Sure she's not going to give up now. She's vested.

[Ready2Transform]

NEW QUESTION:

'The Replay stage is the LONGEST of the stages, and can last up to two years or even longer, depending upon the "replay" behaviors used during this time. '

Can anyone just give me some more info on the above?  Does this mean if you have a high energy MLCer who is constantly looking for the next 'fix' - is replay likely to end sooner?

Unfortunately, high energy replayers generally set the time frame, so the two plus year timeframe is more accurate.  Low energy wallowers, from what I have seen in examples, seem to string it out longer.  Each situation is unique of course, so acceptance that this will take a long time is the best way to keep the focus on ourselves, and then any early return can be a surprise.   I think we all fail at this a little.  I know I thought I would have an early returner, and I am now at 25 months post BD with a high energy replayer showing no signs of letting up.

[Ready2Transform]

And can someone tell me if the OW is the new addiction what's the chances it will end. How many alcoholics never get help? I think it being an addiction I have to hope the OW decides to end it. Being that she is new in town I don't know if she is also crazy. She came aboard thinking after 2 years being separated we were done and he had no drama. She sees the "responsible" him with his new place, furniture, cooking and cleaning for himself. His new clothes all ironed. He hides his bills, so she thinks he can pay for everything. Once she found out I don't want a divorce she didn't leave, but they had already been going out over 3 months. Sure she's not going to give up now. She's vested.

Infidelity is one of the most painful aspects of MLC, but it is not the root cause.  You will do yourself a benefit if you don't worry about the likelihood of their failure, and just let time do its work.  He will go through his crisis whether or not she is in the picture, but few get stuck in the tunnel.  It is impossible to get into these OW's heads - they do not think like we do, and their motivations and tolerances are often far beyond anything we could fathom.  Instead, find your joy, your path, and let them have their misery.  Know that it is not like your marriage was. 

[Songanddance]

Any chance any of you could flick onto my post - couple of developments and I'd appreciate your thoughts.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3791.0;all

Thanks Songanddance