[ArmySpouse]

 So today I wanted to share a story about a woman  that lives in the elderly home I am volunteering at least twice a week .  I have just started last month and so I still get to know the people and the life's and the stores to have to share Little by little.

 Every day before I go I ask God to show me where I am needed most that day and who needs to be listened to and so I just go with the flow walk my rounds..

 So we were having a girls group conversation and all of them talked about how long they were married and talk about their spouses and so on.  one of the ladies there is 96 years old (just had her birthday 2 weeks ago) and she said she was 21 years married until her husband left her and their 4 children .. 
She said her oldest then was 15 and the youngest 7 years old . 
And I just said "oh my gosh that is what my husband is doing right now" and ask her how old she was ..she said she was 37 years old and her husband was in his early 40s ..  So it screams midlife crises !! 

 I'll ask her then if he ever came back and said he was sorry..? she said "yes, three years later he turned around and said he wanted to come back home but she said no you made your bed and have to lay in it".. She went on and got a job and took care of her 4 kids on her own.. Mind you that was 60 years ago!! So much harder to do when most women dependent on their husbands! That took some guts..

 I know that this form is about standing.. and I respect that... but that's not what I'm talking about what I got out from this was she said to me :

" take one day at a time ..you can do this! you will get out stronger and my four children love me and are very proud of me and how strong I was then,  I could take care of my kids all by myself ,I didn't need a man .. So just trust God ,the good Lord, he will see you through and everything will be OK .."

 I guess I needed that message and again I'm amazed that people still come forward to me and share their story.. mind you she was already the second lady in the nursing home whose husband has walked out on her .

 She said she never dated again but it's not that she didn't want to -it's just that she took care of her children and then by the time that they were old enough ,she felt she was too old to date again ..but she said she never minded she was happy .

 She said later to me that thank you for sharing my story with you and I said no I thank you From the bottom of my heart I do .

 She says her 4 children are very proud of her and don't really have any contact to their father .  And I asked about the husband if he was ever happy and she said honestly I don't know I never saw him again really .

 Bottom line is no matter what trust in God he will see you through and trust in yourself you can come out as a better person .. 

 That's why I wanted to hear because those stories a priceless and that means so much to me right now ...

[Sha10613]

What a great story, ArmySpouse. Thank you for sharing! It's a good reminder that we can do this, and to trust God.

[31andcounting]

Nice story Reallytrying~  things and people happen for a reason I guess !!
thanks for the reminder!!
(hugs)
31andcounting

[stayed]

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[OldPilot]

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This thread is for discussion of  this

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5763.0

Please try to keep this thread to RETURN STORIES or links
If you would like to comment or discuss this or your own sich use the linked thread


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[hawk]

l get your point AS and the encouragement for your sitch and all but l feel like slapping that women with a dead fish to on the other hand.

l mean so her kids grew up without a father and she spent the rest of her life alone - great .
She should have used her brains, made him squirm a bit and then taken him back if he was genuine, put her family back together.

[HeartTattoo]

l get your point AS and the encouragement for your sitch and all but l feel like slapping that women with a dead fish to on the other hand.

l mean so her kids grew up without a father and she spent the rest of her life alone - great .
She should have used her brains, made him squirm a bit and then taken him back if he was genuine, put her family back together.

hawk,

I think that's exactly the beauty of this forum.  Giving us an understanding of MLC behavior.  Giving us tools other than anger & bitterness to heal & live our lives.  And, if it happens, to forgive the MLCer & rebuild a new life together.

Some of us will have realized our M's, even before MLC, were not satisfactory & will quickly rebuild lives that can't include the MLCer again.  Some of us get discouraged at the antics of the MLCer or at the length of time it may take (& it may be forever) for the MLCer to exit the tunnel.

This elderly woman did the best she could with what she knew.  And, it is a shame she didn't have something or someone like THS to encourage her to forgive & rebuild.  We here, too, ultimately have to try to make the best decisions for ourselves given our own circumstances.

Hugs,
HT

[hawk]

Very true ht , l really think to lucky for us we found this place .
And whatever happens with mine , l'll always be thankful l learned to let go of the anger and to not live in bitterness and well , l wouldn't say l'm forgiving , might never will but that doesn't really matter.
For me it's more about letting it go and finding some peace for ourselves you know.

[Anjae]

Bumping.

Also commenting on Sewing post on the Return Stories threads.

In all three cases you presented, including your own MLC, it seems people returned, or in your case wanted to return, within 18 months up to two years.

But that does not match much of what we see here. At 18 months 2 years our MLCers seem to be getting worst and worst. I think many LBS would be delighted if their MLCer was wanting to return at 18 months 2 years, but that is not what happens.

In my case, at the two years mark, Mr J had already teamed up with OW2, and was going for his first court divorce case. Hardly a sign of wanting to come back. At around 18 months, 16, if I am not mistaken, OW1 broke up with him.

He come and told me. But he still wanted a divorce. He just wanted me to be his friend and, if I was OK with it, to meet in a hotel and spend the night with him. All while he carried on with his MLC life. I said not, thanks.

Do you think the cases you presented, including your own, are more midlfie transition that deep MLC?

[Keep believing]

Cerde