[Thunder]

No Albatross,

In my case I didn't rewrite history.  I'm talking about my 1st X, not my present X.

My 1st X was 19 when we got married, was shy and quiet, but when he hit his 20's he changed a lot. 
Became mean and selfish.  His kids were only possession to him, as was I.  He stole from his work because he felt entitled, he lied to everyone, became a womanizer with not so much as a guilt on his head.

He used everyone he needed something from, even his parents and never apologized for anyone for anything.

I stayed with him for 18 years (Catholic, you know  )  But he was a very sick man.

My 2nd H was a wonderful man, and still is.  If I said he was awful, THAT would be rewriting,   

[Head Spinner Uk]

Interesting thread, I came to this site funny enough from a thread else where on Narcissistic signs.
 From BD I was subjected to simply bizarre behaviour that had me going WTF! W was ably assisted by FIL through the whole thing as they blame shifted, gas lighted projected and showed a lack of anything resembling empathy, respect and a total absence of responsibility for actions, an abusive pattern directed at me that kept repeating, I finally figured it out after 8 months!

I was looking for answers because I could not comprehend what was going on like most of us I guess.
 I have read a lot of comments on this thread about could be this could be that, my clarity came from a friend who I talked to this about and he gave me this wisdom, "She could be to be fair mate but it doesn't really matter if she is or she isn't, it is simply A$$ hole behaviour !"

Fair point I think

[Searching4Answers]

Definition of PD people is that they cannot be in long term relationships. Even in case that You are codependent, even in case that You are PD person (in such a case relationship would fall faster). Only when PD person can be in long therm relationship is true narcissist with inverted narcissist.

Seems to me like You ladies rewrite some history of Yours relationship... who can blame You for that ? MLC is painful and long process for both MLCer and LBS.

I don't look at PD as black or white - narcissism is a spectrum. We are all narcissistic by nature - some have healthy levels, others unhealthy levels and then those that are full NPD.

There are many PD people that have been in long term relationships - the dynamics of each relationship are unique. My ex definitely has strong narcissistic traits - whether he has a PD or not, I am not a psychologist and I honestly don't care either way. He is not a healthy person and I choose not to have him in my life.

I had blinders on for many, many years - his family saw him for what he was but I did not. When I brought things up the family was well aware of his behavior - it was a new revelation to me! My point being is that it was hidden - I chose not see it.

[in it]

Head Spinner..pretty much the same thing here only the ex had his mother close by who enabled his behavior. That was post divorce when I went back I could see it. And her grand daughter (who doesn't live around here) made the comment to me "Grandma is a huge enabler".

I got triangulated and I wasn't going to put up with being yelled at for a second time by his mother. So I stopped talking to her after she did it the second time.Then I told her off but good.  I guess that didn't go over too well. The ex even admitted he had never heard his mother be so mean to somebody.

Then the ex got my oldest daughter involved and the stress level for me went through the roof. Everybody was trying to control me. I had no problem with everybody have their own relationships with each other..they just kept trying to involve me and the games were simply too much.

I started grieving as I could see no matter what I did it wasn't going to work. If I wasn't being ignored I got monstered at. When I stood up and fought back then everybody flipped out and labeled me crazy.

They sure didn't put the "fun" in dysfunction I can tell you that much. After a year and eight months I had had enough.

[Watcher]

Wow Init,

That really describes my current situation. I get either ignored or Monstered at by W. MIL agrees with D and blames me for everything. I am the one who is sick and needs medication. I am the one who needs to change. I am always angry. Funny W always says I'm the narcissist and bipolar one.

I think the MLC can progress under normal circumstances but I believe MIL will make that impossible. She is the sole reason why I believe there is no chance here. My W will realize one day but it will be too late.

[in it]

Its all projection Watcher.Every label they try to lay off on us belongs to them.I can say most of my behavior was in direct line with his abuse.

They attempted to take my sanity.He even called the state troopers to come get me and take me to a wellness center as my children stood and watched.
I was released 6 hours later.

He told my kids I was going to commit suicide. .which was a blatant total lie.
He had just got done throwing me on the bed and pinning me there.I was screaming "Call 911!!" in hopes that maybe the girls were in the house. He got off me and ran outside and called them on the phone.
I was in a state of shock.
I was never so happy to see troopers in my life.

[Head Spinner Uk]

InIt/Watcher,
Had all of that, and makes you think your going mad.. I was always aware of the broken family dynamic but never really had to engage in it because first up the In Laws were in France and then moved back to the UK but 160 miles away, so only had once in a blue moon take D down for a few days etc.
Post BD the mask was off, just appalling behaviour from them, took from Sept to Easter to figure it out and get my head straight. The next time the In Laws stepped over the line, I just buried the FIL over three emails and he scuttled off, once you know the pattern the moves are predictable and easy to spot so don't work on you in the way they did. sort of felt like taking control back. 

I'm lucky both my SIL's know the abusive pattern of the FIL & Step Mother so have been very supportive of me and have also called FIL on his behaviour and won't speak to either W or In Laws whilst they are behaving in the way they are.

[Watcher]

She already has called the police 4 times on me this year and has threatened countless other times. She threatened to call state police my last time there. Even MIL has been in on the act. It is an intimidation/control tactic and is another form of abuse.

At BD I developed panic attacks. My W and MIL brought me to the hospital to get evaluated. W threw a fit when we were separated and caused a scene. The nurses told me that she was the one that needed to be committed.

I have noticed that W and MIL do not like that I have a voice. Whenever I stand up for myself the drama begins. I do not trust either one and really don't know if I could ever trust my W again.

[Anjae]

new thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8082.0