[PatienceGalore]

OK, I have a question: my H seems to be a completely different person at times, and completely himself at others. Why is that? Sometimes he looks at me with love and compassion in his eyes, and sometimes, like I am a bug. Very weird and upsetting, even if I don't let it bother me too much, at times, it hurts. Why this shift from one personality to the next, is it in response to my actions towards him, or something else.
Also, I found this great site, www.thehouseontherock.net, which explains MLC to MLCers. Would it be recommended to pass that inof to them, so they might recognise some of what they are doing, explains the confusion, male menopause (quite real, to do with changes in levels of testosterone) and help them figure out the confusion in their brain? One entry seems really good at helping them figure out what is important in their lives, what is significant, etc....also shows the difference between reality and fantasy.
What is your opinion on that one?

Note:  I just changed the name of the website to THEhouseontherock.net, instead of houseontherock.net   This actually takes you to a site that is in Japanese (but can be translated) and informs the reader how to deal with the aftermath of a traffic accident.  I actually read a little (thinking it was some type of metaphor) before I realized that it was truly about dealing with traffic accidents!  It did make me smile, though.     limitless

[OldPilot]

OK, I have a question: my H seems to be a completely different person at times, and completely himself at others. Why is that? Sometimes he looks at me with love and compassion in his eyes, and sometimes, like I am a bug. Very weird and upsetting, even if I don't let it bother me too much, at times, it hurts. Why this shift from one personality to the next, is it in response to my actions towards him, or something else.
Also, I found this great site, www.houseontherock.net, which explains MLC to MLCers. Would it be recommended to pass that inof to them, so they might recognise some of what they are doing, explains the confusion, male menopause (quite real, to do with changes in levels of testosterone) and help them figure out the confusion in their brain? One entry seems really good at helping them figure out what is important in their lives, what is significant, etc....also shows the difference between reality and fantasy.
What is your opinion on that one?

Yes that website is excellent and we have discussed it here before.

DO NOT PASS IT ON TO HIM.

Nothing you say or do is going to solve his crisis for him.
It is HIS crisis, let him have it on his own without your help.

Believe me if there was something we thought you should do we would tell you!

But we have been there and done that.

[Ready2Transform]

Why this shift from one personality to the next, is it in response to my actions towards him, or something else.

OP beat me to it!  No, nothing you have done is causing that.  My H described it in a very brief moment of clarity as feeling like he was "dissociating".

[PatienceGalore]

Hello OP and R2T, thank you for the very fast response! I did not know the houseontherock site had been mentioned on the forum, sorry!
I decided today to go Dark (have been very Dim), probably NC (though that is harder due to finances and children) so I won't pass on, it was just a query regarding the personality change, that maybe a jolt would help...
I appreciate the feedback...it's hard when you know what not to do, but you are itching to do it anyway! This forum is great for stopping or at least reducing the mistakes and the collateral damage!

[Albatross]

Hello OP and R2T, thank you for the very fast response! I did not know the houseontherock site had been mentioned on the forum, sorry!
I decided today to go Dark (have been very Dim), probably NC (though that is harder due to finances and children) so I won't pass on, it was just a query regarding the personality change, that maybe a jolt would help...
I appreciate the feedback...it's hard when you know what not to do, but you are itching to do it anyway! This forum is great for stopping or at least reducing the mistakes and the collateral damage!

1. After bomb drop LBS is in shock, then emotions start to swing, sorrow, pain, fear, anger and marry go round, terrifying experience.

2. Then LBS question million questions to self, that piss LBS even more. Start to dance wild emotional dance with MLCer.

3. LBS start to talk with MLCer rationally, but that make things even worse, it is impossible talking to MLCer in sane rational way, they are broken, they does not work, they are mess, they barely can operate daily tasks and they blame LBS in most cases for their current state. MLCer is broken, he is like wounded animal which any external interaction feel like threat. In good faith LBS actually bite the byte and actually start to feed monster, monster tell to LBS some unbelievable irrational things which actually push LBS on edge, LBS start to feed monster even more with emotional energy and wild dance escalate in sky high.

4. MLCer and LBS now become even more divided in all meanings.

5. LBS become even more confused, and 1. build up even more.

6. Finally LBS sink into depression, become miserable as MLCer. But LBS is not broken as MLCer, after LBS hit the dust, he stand up and take dust from self and start to put self together.

7. LBS then seek for similar experiences, and then start to learn, DETACH, LET GO, SURRENDER, ACCEPT.

8. Rebuild self, solve own issues, become better person.

9. Patience, unconditional love....

10.Stand, wait, wait....


And so on, and on...

You can talk to MLcer about everything else except him, self and You two as couple.

[PatienceGalore]

Thank you Albatross. I put on my thread just now that I was going Dark, to preserve myself. When I see my lovely husband, we shall talk about the weather... Believe me, where I live, that can take up a good part of a conversation!!! I read your posts with great interest!

[alwayshope]

Hi Patience - does your H show any interest in figuring out what is going on with him?  My experience, and those of most everyone on here, will tell you NOT to point these things out. 

I do also believe, however, that you need to walk your journey, and if you are led to share with him, then by all means, do so.  Expect nothing.

Unfortunately, when we read about this, things make perfect sense to us, and we think 'aha!  if I just can share this with him/her, they will see and understand as well, and so this must be the answer.'.  I don't know of one case where it was the answer, nor any help whatsoever.

I read a list of 'symptoms of mlc' to my H one evening, and it made absolute, perfect sense.  It was so obvious.  To me.  I don't even know if he heard me.  He looked like a deer in headlights that night.  My argument was so convincing, my calm, rational pleadings had me convinced he would say that he would come home.  All he could do is say 'I'm never coming back.'. 

I saw him vacillate between sure of divorce one day, to flower and chocolate the next.  Crying one evening, calling himself a d!ck, and then two days later being so evil, and wanting to make me cry. 

I think it is best for you to learn everything you can, to help you learn how to be still, and watch out for you.  I think you have to be very cautious with him.

[Albatross]

Thank you Albatross. I put on my thread just now that I was going Dark, to preserve myself. When I see my lovely husband, we shall talk about the weather... Believe me, where I live, that can take up a good part of a conversation!!! I read your posts with great interest!

I am glad to be helpful, if I am.  And BTW, remember self from Your youth, age 25 will be good, regress in that time, think about what she was. Copy that energy, enthusiasm, joy + add on her Your life experience = NEW YOU.

I did that. That help me.

[PatienceGalore]

Excellent, going back to pre kids!!! Should be fun! Will do

[PatienceGalore]

Hi there alwayshope, thanks for that. Yes I totally agree regarding the cautious. Like that, I have thought, well if he reads this, he'll just get it. It has failed so far, and believe it or not, today, just start of month 9, I got it. Even if i knew, today it feels different. I am stepping away totally, in as much as children and finance permit. He is at very low ebb, so one wrong word could seriously damage him and things. So I'm reading and posting on this fabulous site, filled with some incredible resources and people! Thank you for the support. PG