[OldPilot]

MLCers can't love anyone.

This is a KEY point I think!
They have no love for themselves so they cant love anyone else or anything else.

And back to the point about REPLAY and bomb drop, there is a post from Heartblessings that I need to find that says, bomb drop occurs around 2/3 of the way through REPLAY.
Of course Replay is so long it still makes it hard to believe.

[Searching4Answers]

I hope you find that post OP  I would love to read it!

[Albatross]

“The breakdown of the persona constitutes the typically Jungian moment both in therapy and in development” — the “moment” when “that excessive commitment to collective ideals masking deeper individuality—the persona—breaks down... disintegrates.” Given Jung’s view that “the persona is a semblance... the dissolution of the persona is therefore absolutely necessary for individuation.” Nevertheless, its disintegration may well lead initially to a state of chaos in the individual: ’one result of the dissolution of the persona is the release of fantasy... disorientation.’ As the individuation process gets under way, ’the situation has thrown off the conventional husk and developed into a stark encounter with reality, with no false veils or adornments of any kind’.

MLCers without persona become chaotic, living in fantasy world, for them reality does not exists, they runaway from reality, REPLAY.

The alternative is to endure living with the absence of the persona — and for Jung "the man with no persona... is blind to the reality of the world, which for him has merely the value of an amusing or fantastic playground." Inevitably, the result of "the streaming in of the unconscious into the conscious realm, simultaneously with the dissolution of the 'persona' and the reduction of the directive force of consciousness, is a state of disturbed psychic equilibrium." Those trapped at such a stage remain "blind to the world, hopeless dreamers... spectral Cassandras dreaded for their tactlessness, eternally misunderstood."

MLCers in REPLAY without developing new persona can obviously stuck.

[PatienceGalore]

Searching4answers, your quote: (Sorry, still can't manage to do those nice quotes I see on the posts!) "I have been thinking this way for sometime now. How can a person so selfish and self-absorbed have any feelings for anyone. My H tells me all the time that he loves me; is that just projection of him wanting to be loved by me? ", well my H is so intensely selfish he is willing to destroy me, his children and ultimately himself for his own needs. I told him so yesterday, but he did not agree he was selfish!
OP, I do hope too that you can find the post, I now believe he might have been in Replay before BD, but I did not know....does BD then mean that you are near enough to the end? I see my H tumbling and tumbling each time I see him, and it breaks my heart, as I think he is being damaged by this process...in any case, he definitely does not look happy and his decision to leave home has not made him blossom! He does admit to not being happy, but I don't think that he sees the fact that not being with me has changed absolutely nothing! Sometimes I do doubt that it is MLC, as he says he drifted away from me years ago (unfortunately, never said so!). yesterday, he also told me that we had spent a lot of years drifting in and out of each other, during our marriage. I think that that is a normal part of marriage, that people flux, but it does not mean it is a bad thing, just a readjustment of lives...am I wrong, is he right?

[Albatross]

Sometimes I do doubt that it is MLC, as he says he drifted away from me years ago (unfortunately, never said so!). yesterday, he also told me that we had spent a lot of years drifting in and out of each other, during our marriage. I think that that is a normal part of marriage, that people flux, but it does not mean it is a bad thing, just a readjustment of lives...am I wrong, is he right?

MLCers rewrite history ! Also they have memory gaps, memory blur. Obviously they remember bad things buried in shadow and have gaps in memory about good things. So, that we call MLC script. When we fought each time when we was good as couple shrink, check it in this tread. His monster wanna break You ! Don't allow him to do it ! As written on many sites, don't believe as truth 100% what they spoke, and 50% of what they do.

In my case, is it possible that sane person live 26 years in marriage which was terrible ? They blame everything, and spouse is most guilty because spouse was SO in MLCer life.

[PatienceGalore]

That's true, if marriage was that bad, then leave before now! He says that it happened gradually, he thought everything was fine, but that is a contradiction, if everything was fine, then why was he drifting away? Is it a good thing to tell him that, or is it better to say nothing?

[Albatross]

That's true, if marriage was that bad, then leave before now! He says that it happened gradually, he thought everything was fine, but that is a contradiction, if everything was fine, then why was he drifting away? Is it a good thing to tell him that, or is it better to say nothing?

Every normal spouse will talk to other about issues first, then if no any progress will suggest counseling - professional help, do whatever it takes to save marriage, family. And if both after all hard work cannot solve problems and improve marriage then natural outcome will be divorce. But it is very strange that spouse been i n marriage in my case 26 years and become totally different person in very short time, couple of years and suddenly wanna runaway ?!

[OldPilot]

I have not been able to find it the way I wrote it and I could be in error in what I said.
However here is a couple of different versions that explain the same general idea.
I.E. that Replay may start prior to bomb drop.

In regards to the bomb drop; sometimes it is the start of Replay; but sometimes it happens during Replay.  My BD didn't happen until toward the end of Replay...if I hadn't found out about the porn, I would not have known anything was happening...but I'd seen the symptoms of Replay within my husband long before the BD happened.  He was dressing like a kid; changing his appearance, acting like a teen; and bullying me.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=616.msg37565#msg37565

Bomb Drop
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=342.msg20922#msg20922

Feel free to read more of what HB wrote as she was a very knowledgeable poster about MLC and a great writer.

[Albatross]

That's remind me that my SO knows that I love black hair on women and she paint hair long, long time in black and have longer haircut. In Year 2008 she slowly cut down her haircut and in time she have short haircut and some red paint come into. And finally she become red with  short haircut. Also, she begin to buy cloth compulsively which is totally different then even before. Style for much younger woman. She before use casual cloth. Also she hate pushup bras. And then start to buy them. All of that before escape & avoid.

[limitless]

OP posted:

And back to the point about REPLAY and bomb drop, there is a post from Heartblessings that I need to find that says, bomb drop occurs around 2/3 of the way through REPLAY.
Of course Replay is so long it still makes it hard to believe.

I remember reading this information on this site...but cannot find it.

I found it on the Divorce Busting Site:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=96192&page=1

The importance of establishing a "Time-Line"

Establishing a "time-line" is more to help you determine a POSSIBLE time-frame-how long you may expect to be in HIS/HER MLC. It is more for something to hold onto and helps you keep your hope and faith--and a possible end in sight-light at the end of the tunnel...etc.

If you will look back in hind-sight the SIGNS were there, not just of affairs and such, and but the definite signs of when he/she entered the tunnel.

That helps you establish the beginning-because the "bomb" dropping WAS NOT the beginning-it began WAY before then.

The onset of the "bomb" or "full-blown" stage of MLC, CAN mark a possible HALF OR THREE-QUARTER-WAY POINT OR SOMEWHERE CLOSE TO THE "AWAKENING" OF THE MLC'ER-AND HOPEFULLY GETTING READY TO COME OUT OF THE TUNNEL INTO ACCEPTANCE.

Depends on them, and how willing they are to face their issues once they "awaken". Every MLC'er that gets ready to come out, experiences this "awakening". And what I have described concerning the journey into Acceptance, comes AFTER this "awakening."

And if you look backwards you WILL see when it started. Now, according to Jim Conway, a MLC takes 3-5 years maybe longer to play out-if you look closely, establishing the beginning of this, and see where you are now-only THEN will you have ANY idea of just how long this may take.

I don't know about the 1/2 to 3/4 timeline.  There are many long timers on this site that would not agree with that estimate.  (HB did state it as Possible - not definite).

L