[Beautiful Heart]

Beautiful Heart, I want to replace one word in one of your sentences...'It would all click with me one day, how bad of a HUSBAND I was'

This sounds like guilt and projection.  Were you fairly forgiving during this period?  Do you think your willingness to stand by him during this period just made him feel more guilty?

I did the same thing and wouldn't change my actions but I do remember H saying that I didn't deserve his confusion about 4 months before he moved out.

Hopeandfaith,
Thank you, this makes sense to me now. I have been struggling with "projection" not quite knowing exactly what it's all about. You have explained it perfectly! Yes, I was forgiving, and willing to stand by him. I wouldn't change my actions either. He also said "none of this makes any sense to me" shortly before he moved out.
About the guilt...he wrote me off, he will not come to the house, he pretends like I don't exist, I think this is his guilt!!! Thank you again, this is all a learning experience and I learn something new everyday. 

[Dreamer]

Albatross,
    My h is living with ow who is half his age, with 2 small children. Our children are grown. He stops to see his grnd dtr 2 times a week for about 5-10 minutes. I want to tell him to come in the evening and give me my house key back. Am I pushing him further away? Also he states he wants to get this relationship with ow right. Bd was dec of 2012 married for 38 years.is this still replay or has he gone through liminality and this is his decision. What are your thoughts?

[Beautiful Heart]

Beautifulheart,

As horrible as this is for you, it's all pretty script and normal in MLCer land. They do pull away more and more. Try not to worry, my H did this. I was terrified at the time. Things Wil change again - they always do.

My H turned back towards me around the three year mark. I saw all sorts of strange bshaviors until then. Come to think of it, it's still strange! He he.

X

It's good to know "normal in MLC land" I just needed to confirm  that H is on the wrong track!!! LOL
It's pretty frustrating at this point, well this whole thing has been frustrating!!!
I just need to take it one day at a time...try to find the good, the positives, and like my mom always says "rise above it, this too shall pass".
I hope you doing well Serenity, have a lovely day!

[Albatross]

Albatross,
    My h is living with ow who is half his age, with 2 small children. Our children are grown. He stops to see his grnd dtr 2 times a week for about 5-10 minutes. I want to tell him to come in the evening and give me my house key back. Am I pushing him further away? Also he states he wants to get this relationship with ow right. Bd was dec of 2012 married for 38 years.is this still replay or has he gone through liminality and this is his decision. What are your thoughts?

9 months since BD, he should be still in replay. Don't push him away. But You should know better, You have guts, feelings about him, hunch. Also all facts which I don't know. Anyway, if You see total opposite person what he was before MLC than he is still in replay.

[Beautiful Heart]

I just realized that my last post was not about "replay" so I will move it my own thread. Hehehe! Oops

[Snowdrop]

Hi Albatross.  Fascinating stuff!  My earlier post was trying to relate to something you'd said previously, which I think was about feeling their depression.  I look back and see that I, too, felt it, and when he entered a room, the atmosphere changed from happiness or tolerable to instant negative.  After he left, and we grieved for a year, I find myself happier in some ways as he isnt around and so less negativity in the air.  We all felt it.  Now I feel more like the person I was when we met, or how I was up until a couple of years before he left.  Not as dragged down as I used to be.  Thank you.

[Beautiful Heart]

Regression, according to psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, is a defense mechanism leading to the temporary or long-term reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development rather than handling unacceptable impulses in a more adult way. The defense mechanism of regression, in psychoanalytic theory, occurs when an individual's personality reverts to an earlier stage of development, adopting more childish mannerisms.

 Jung had earlier argued that 'the patient's regressive tendency...is not just a relapse into infantilism, but an attempt to get at something necessary...the universal feeling of childhood innocence, the sense of security, of protection, of reciprocated love, of trust'

Jungians had however already warned that 'romantic regression meant a surrender to the non-rational side which had to be paid for by a sacrifice of the rational and individual side'

Thank you Albatross, this is a great thread!

[justbelieve]

Hi
I'm a little late (been away) so just attaching to Part II of this awesome topic

[Dreamer]

Albatross  In my situation my h's ow helps to run our business, so he is with her 24hrs a day. She is half his age and was our daughters  best friend but is the type that has to has attention all the time. If I tell my h to come at nite to see his grnd dtr, would it be better as he would have to let ow know he is coming here. Right now she doesn't know he comes to take his grnd dtr to school.he has I need to accept that he wants a life with her please respond

[hopeandfaith]

Dreamer, just chiming in here.  I would tell your H to come and visit Grd dtr at night if that is what suits you better -not because it 'outs' him to the OW.  You need to be careful when any of your actions are designed to bring about a response/result from H or his OW - it always backfires 

It sounds to me like your H is in replay but may be finding out that the grass is not greener already.  It rang bells with me when you said that he talked about wanting to get his relationship with OW right.  It already sounds like something that requires work and therefore isn't the effortless fantasy land they would lead us to believe.  If he is hiding the fact that he sees your grand daughter from her then he is already on a short leash - good luck with that H!!

I think it's always better to step back and let them self destruct.  24hrs a day is a lot of time so that might happen soon.