[PatienceGalore]

OK, I am grateful for the answers. The beginning of what? MLC or liminality? He will not admit to me he is depressed, I simply see it. He wears a mask with other people, but drops it when it's just he and I.
And you say you saw it 2 or 3 times, is that a phase, is it the way it happens, is it the beginning of coming out of the tunnel for you? I'm intrigued, because this is a new one for me...for a long time he was cocky and self assured and confident in his decision. Then it platformed into the limbo we are in, and now this guilt and remorseful look and speech, and I see depression. I get rib crushing hugs, and morose voice. I'm not being drawn in, I just look at it and wonder what he is doing?

[Albatross]

OK, I am grateful for the answers. The beginning of what? MLC or liminality? He will not admit to me he is depressed, I simply see it. He wears a mask with other people, but drops it when it's just he and I.
And you say you saw it 2 or 3 times, is that a phase, is it the way it happens, is it the beginning of coming out of the tunnel for you? I'm intrigued, because this is a new one for me...for a long time he was cocky and self assured and confident in his decision. Then it platformed into the limbo we are in, and now this guilt and remorseful look and speech, and I see depression. I get rib crushing hugs, and morose voice. I'm not being drawn in, I just look at it and wonder what he is doing?

IMHO, he need more drugs or give up. Three outcomes can be:

1. He can sink deeper in REPLAY.
2. Stay in limbo.
3. Enter in liminality.

I wish You number 3. It is very similar my situation. And both our MLCers have similar timelines.

[Snowdrop]

Let me be honest with You. I sink into depression with her, which is natural. If You live with SO who gradually sink, You going with him down ! It is instinctive. As time pass, You start react on her bad mood with bad mood.

Thanks Alb, that's what I was wondering about earlier in the thread.  I found myself being dragged down, and it lifted when H left in some ways.

[BB64]

OK, I am grateful for the answers. The beginning of what? MLC or liminality?

The beginning of replay.
He will not admit to me he is depressed, I simply see it. He wears a mask with other people, but drops it when it's just he and I.

Yup, same here, and it took him until last month (11th months) to not deny it anymore.

And you say you saw it 2 or 3 times, is that a phase, is it the way it happens, is it the beginning of coming out of the tunnel for you?
I wouldn't call it a phase, just 'swings of the moods'. He might want to escape and avoid ( the depression and consequences of his actions) to mask the moods, anxiety, worries, guilt etc....

I'm intrigued, because this is a new one for me...for a long time he was cocky and self assured and confident in his decision.
Yup, yup, yup!

Then it platformed into the limbo we are in, and now this guilt and remorseful look and speech, and I see depression.

Yes, I had that, too. In the same order and with the same timelime lol Script....

 I get rib crushing hugs, and morose voice. I'm not being drawn in, I just look at it and wonder what he is doing?
He's making sure you are firmly planted there so he doesn't have to feel bad about his actions.

I have done everything you are doing. I questioned and doubted everything until it all really sank in. It sank in because I had read and reread all the articles, took advice from the other LBS here etc....Once I knew 100%, for sure, that my H was in MLC, was when I realised it was time to concentrate on myself, my kids, my pets and my home.

Read, read, read, post, post. Get it all out of your system, even if you don't get any replies.
Journalling really helps and this site is great for that.

[PatienceGalore]

OK, I am grateful for the answers. The beginning of what? MLC or liminality? He will not admit to me he is depressed, I simply see it. He wears a mask with other people, but drops it when it's just he and I.
And you say you saw it 2 or 3 times, is that a phase, is it the way it happens, is it the beginning of coming out of the tunnel for you? I'm intrigued, because this is a new one for me...for a long time he was cocky and self assured and confident in his decision. Then it platformed into the limbo we are in, and now this guilt and remorseful look and speech, and I see depression. I get rib crushing hugs, and morose voice. I'm not being drawn in, I just look at it and wonder what he is doing?

IMHO, he need more drugs or give up. Three outcomes can be:

1. He can sink deeper in REPLAY.
2. Stay in limbo.
3. Enter in liminality.

I wish You number 3. It is very similar my situation. And both our MLCers have similar timelines.

Hi there Albatross. yes I noticed too that we have very similar timeline, which is a reason apart from the great info, that I read your thread and the changes in your W. My husband is not living with us anymore, so I am not affected by moods or indifference. Only when I see him and he is in Monster form do I feel bad. But I am practicing detachment more and more and I can usually "see" it like a spectator. It makes me sad to see him unravel, but I don't feel a need to rescue him.
I really hope he is entering Liminality, because he himself said he felt there was something wrong, he wanted to get better and he did not want to stay in guilt forever and he did not like hurting me as he has done. So I see glimpses of remorse, maybe not accountability yet, but he seems to have moved from guilt to remorse. How should I proceed? I know you have created a safe zone for your W, but I don't have him with me, so how can that be achieved?

[Searching4Answers]

OK, I am grateful for the answers. The beginning of what? MLC or liminality? He will not admit to me he is depressed, I simply see it. He wears a mask with other people, but drops it when it's just he and I.
And you say you saw it 2 or 3 times, is that a phase, is it the way it happens, is it the beginning of coming out of the tunnel for you? I'm intrigued, because this is a new one for me...for a long time he was cocky and self assured and confident in his decision. Then it platformed into the limbo we are in, and now this guilt and remorseful look and speech, and I see depression. I get rib crushing hugs, and morose voice. I'm not being drawn in, I just look at it and wonder what he is doing?

IMHO, he need more drugs or give up. Three outcomes can be:

1. He can sink deeper in REPLAY.
2. Stay in limbo.
3. Enter in liminality.

I wish You number 3. It is very similar my situation. And both our MLCers have similar timelines.

I read somewhere on here to look at what changes to see if there is any progress but lately it seems that everything is changing more so than before{shrug}. It is weird to me that now H can't stand our house. He was just talking about all the things he wants to do to it and then the next day he wish it would burn down  H has always been independant; now he is clinging to me for dear life. He admits that he feels restless and depressed, he also acknowledges MLC/MLT. We have been able to talk about it some but i am not sure how much I should really reveal. I am trying to stay strong so he has me to talk to as he feels there is no one else left  It is a lot of pressure on me to stay balanced.

What would limbo look like?

[PatienceGalore]

OK, I am grateful for the answers. The beginning of what? MLC or liminality?

The beginning of replay.
He will not admit to me he is depressed, I simply see it. He wears a mask with other people, but drops it when it's just he and I.

Yup, same here, and it took him until last month (11th months) to not deny it anymore.

And you say you saw it 2 or 3 times, is that a phase, is it the way it happens, is it the beginning of coming out of the tunnel for you?
I wouldn't call it a phase, just 'swings of the moods'. He might want to escape and avoid ( the depression and consequences of his actions) to mask the moods, anxiety, worries, guilt etc....

I'm intrigued, because this is a new one for me...for a long time he was cocky and self assured and confident in his decision.
Yup, yup, yup!

Then it platformed into the limbo we are in, and now this guilt and remorseful look and speech, and I see depression.

Yes, I had that, too. In the same order and with the same timelime lol Script....

 I get rib crushing hugs, and morose voice. I'm not being drawn in, I just look at it and wonder what he is doing?
He's making sure you are firmly planted there so he doesn't have to feel bad about his actions.

I have done everything you are doing. I questioned and doubted everything until it all really sank in. It sank in because I had read and reread all the articles, took advice from the other LBS here etc....Once I knew 100%, for sure, that my H was in MLC, was when I realised it was time to concentrate on myself, my kids, my pets and my home.

Read, read, read, post, post. Get it all out of your system, even if you don't get any replies.
Journalling really helps and this site is great for that.

Booboo, I appreciate the answers. I do post a lot and I've had some fantastic support from all on this site. It's funny, when I read the articles now, they mean a lot more now than before.

[Searching4Answers]

Albatross,

Is there much difference in the appearance of depression vs liminality? Is it one of those stages that we don't recognize it until after th fact? H says he been depressed for about a month or so now; he has been talking to me about it quite bit, says it helps him 

[Albatross]

Albatross,

Is there much difference in the appearance of depression vs liminality? Is it one of those stages that we don't recognize it until after th fact? H says he been depressed for about a month or so now; he has been talking to me about it quite bit, says it helps him 

Liminality is overt depression. Overt depression can be shown also if MLcer broke relationship with OW/OM.

[Searching4Answers]

Albatross,

Is there much difference in the appearance of depression vs liminality? Is it one of those stages that we don't recognize it until after th fact? H says he been depressed for about a month or so now; he has been talking to me about it quite bit, says it helps him 

Liminality is overt depression. Overt depression can be shown also if MLcer broke relationship with OW/OM.

So if it is overt depression then there is movement further into the tunnel? Does the MLCer not show overt depression during any other time?
Also, H did break up with OW recently but says the depreesion has nothing to do with that and that it started before the break up; OW withdraw last  about 4 - 6 weeks right? So I should continue to look at what changes.