[misdiz]

I wanted to share a story my friend is going through.

I've talked about her in the past so I'll give a quick recap, but I don't have the dates so bear with me:

First affair was caught when her son was 2 or 3.  He moved out, went to MC and moved back in 6 months.  Things were good.
Got pregnant with 2nd child.  Daughter was 18 months when affair's #2,3 and possibly 4 was discovered.  Affair #2 was with a complete wacko.  My friend wanted to stand and work it out but he said it would be too difficult but wouldn't leave.  Finally left after 9 months.  Divorce was finalized 5 years later and he married wacko within 1 month.

It's been 6 years now and he left the wacko 7 months ago.  It's been a LONG 6 years for my friend.  The OW is truly every woman's worst fear.  She is a manipulative, conniving, evil woman.  She has done such horrible things to my friend, sued her from falling in her driveway,(which was probably on purpose) demanded that the kids refer to her as "mom".  Pitted her daughter against her.  Got the kids ears pierced without approval, died daughters hair and so on and so on.  Too many things to list.

Needless to say, friends exH just came over for a family meeting with the 2 kids, (18 and 14 now) and my friend.  He basically came clean about his whole life since leaving.  Told all of them how he regrets every single decision he's made.  Regrets every cheating on her, regrets leaving, regrets basically his whole life!  It took 12 years but it finally came out!

He said his life with wacko was nothing but a huge mistake and now he is so stuck that he feels he has no choice but to go into hiding to protect them all from the evil woman.  He told my friend how OW has been obsessed with her from day one!  Was jealous of her, brought her up all the time.  Blamed her for all their problems.  Compared everything to her.  Wouldn't work full time because she didn't work full time.  He would explain that she couldn't work full time as she had 2 kids!  The OW had no kids!  Tried to basically have her life, including the kids!  Actually told people that they where hers!

Well, now that he finally left her, OW has threatened all sorts of things.  He now sees the damage she has done and is fearful that she will either continue with her manipulation of the daughter or worse.  She will contest the divorce and the state they live in allows that. She will fight him until he is penniless.  In the mean time, she has threatened to file abandonment charges if he doesn't give her all his money to keep her in the house.  She wants the same as what my friend has gotten.  He explained that he is paying CHILD SUPPORT but she won't hear of it.  He's afraid for everyones safety.

It amazes me that he has told her(my friend) how much of an impact she actually had on this woman.  She(OW) never had any peace in their entire time together.  And, he, of course did cheat on this woman as well.  He has realized now that it is he who has the problem.  yes, he acknowledges that OW is a wacko, but that his cheating isn't about the women in his life, but about himself.  He is in counseling now to try to find this all out.

I'm not sure if I would classify him (at least when this all started) as a MLC'er.  But, honestly, the stages seem to be the same.  He is deep in depression as to what he's done.  He wants to vanish.  To run away and not face his life anymore.  He wants to just start over.  He thinks if he leaves, eventually OW's obsession with him and his family will fade.  I think it's much more than that.  I think the OW is so obsessed with "winning" that she won't be able to give up.  She has put her fists through glass windows, faked a heart attack, faked breast cancer, purposely runs out of gas to make him come rescue her.  She will do anything to get him.  And through this all, she blames my friend still to this day.  Even though he left my friend for her, she never felt secure.  She was always threatened by her.

I think this just speaks volumes for all of us.  These OW/OM will never know peace.  How can they?

[calamity]

Thanks for sharing that Mizdiz.

[FindingJoJo]

Wow that sounds like the wacko that my H is with.  She announced to H that she had arranged for some biker friends of hers to harm me but called it off because she met our oldest son.  Isn't she a hero she didn't allow it to happen?  Never mind the sicko thought it, arranged it and all that.......oh well.  I have made it very clear to her that my friends who are policemen and family of law enforcement officers know if anything happens to me they will come after her.  H well he finds it sick but not enough to stop seeing her.  H also can't figure out why she hates me so bad because I haven't done anything to her, oh yeah she gets mad because he won't be mean to me like she wants, nor will he file for divorce. 

[Faithfully Yours]

Thanks for sharing this tonight Mizdiz. I really needed to hear it now. Hugs to you.

[BB64]

After reminiscing a long while about my childhood, I have come to the conclusion that my father had a midlife crisis, too.
Cheated on my mother after 13 years, possibly cheated on her before and I was the one who found out about the affair. I had borrowed one of my father's jackets and found a note in it.
She knew I used to borrow that jacket as she saw me in it. She was, until then, a 'friend' of my father and us 3 kids had already met her.
So that was OW stunt #1

My father wouldn't see us unless she could join the party. Said we had to respect her as she was the woman he loved. I wonder where that actually came from, my father respects no-one!!!
We'll call that one stunt #2

One day, at a family gathering of my father's side, she bluntly confronted me and said in front of the entire family that if I were a daughter(she was 28 and no kids) she would not let me wear make-up (I was 15 at that point and only wore eye-liner), that it was wrong and that it made me look like a ow!!!!!

Stunt #4 alienate the kids and slag off the mother ( to be fair, my mother wasn't mother of the century!), but still!!!

She faked a pregnancy
Stunt#5

She was a rather attractive woman. She died of an anevrism age 30.

My father then moved onto woman #2 (whom he is still with now) who had a young child.
Now, she was actually on my side, adored me, said I was the daughter she'd always wanted, that I was beautiful and that my father owed me a lot!!
She knew he was abusive to me, she knew he'd left us in a very poor state, she knew he was an alcoholic, she knew he was a cheat, that he was selfish etc...
She is still with him now? WHY?!!!!!

[BB64]

Oh, dear! I forgot about the woman between OW 1 and 2. Yes there were three I knew of.
How could I forget about that one? She gave birth to a half brother of mine I barely know! He is now 21!
My father was with her for about 6 months, left her pregnant. She is an idiot.

Getting pregnant only after a few months to a man who abused and abandoned 3 kids. And the best bit...
She knew all of that seeing as she was my then Step-father's sister....Get your head round that one!

[UKStander]

Misdiz, thanks for that!  What a tale!  And 12 years of crisis... I hope that is the outer limit time-wise!

Booboo, I can't even get my head round that last familial twist but it sounds BAD! 

I don't hear of any bad behaviour or anything from the OW in my story - she keeps well apart (apart from apparent wish to meet S15 now), so it takes some convincing me to get to me that she is nothing but trouble. All I know that's negative about her, actually, came direct from H!  I guess that's something. I'm sure I read here that someone described such H comments as 'gold dust' and I suppose they are, because they do point to him tiring of Tubscum eventually. He told me there were things about her he doesn't like. She flirts with other guys; she kept him waiting for ages; she was willing to leave her H and child to go see another man.  Well, duh, yeah!   

What he likes about her is that she is a 'free spirit'.  Oh wow.  How exciting.  That'll make up for all those other nasty habits over the long term, I'm sure.   

[in it]

WOW
I know the wack job the former mlcer I dealt with was a little over the top also..said she had cancer..played the victim..worshipped him but all to a bigger pcture than I saw.

 I couldn't figure out what her angle was until I realized it was the Real Estate he had. He had no job or desire to have one. So when he told her he'd marry her she thought she was all set.

The girls may have played a part as they wouldn't even meet her. But he had a fight with her over what I think may have been spirituality and that ended the whole thing as she threw a fit when he wouldn't buy into her beliefs. Which I think included her psychic abilities and ESP etc..

Not much of psychic if you ask me -she never saw him coming.

And yes he emailed me and said "what a beautiful spirit she had and he would always love her and had to "help" her" This was due to the dire straits she put HERSELF in due to selling her house in 9 days when he said he would marry her.

What idiot takes up with a married man after a 30 year relationship and 15 minutes later thinks everything is going to be bliss is beyond me.

They get involved for whatever reason and anyone who's a "wonderful person" wouldn't get involved with a married man PERIOD.

[DCD]

thank you, misdiz, for sharing this.

husband told me on a couple of occasions, during his moments of clarity, that ow is obsessed with me, hates me and at the VERY least internet stalks me.  i have noted many times over the past year and a half that her fb follows right behind mine as far as what she posts - similar profile pics (poses, b/w, colour), similar interests and likes (we are NOTHING alike....well, she has no personality so i guess it's easy to assimilate others').  you can be sure if i did something online, she's right behind me within hours.  i was a bit shocked at first, then amused...but now? i find this disturbing because at this point, into our fourth year of this craziness, she has more to lose.  crazy!

[CrazyTrain]

Thanks for the insight, MisDiz.  It is interesting to see/hear/read just how some of the OWs act regarding the LBS.  All I know about H's OW is that she is pond scum.  Period.  I hope she is obsessed with trying to be better than me.  She will not be able to attain that status.  I don't ask any questions, so I don't know if they are even still "seeing" each other.  She is his problem.  Not mine.

Again, thanks for sharing.