[rover77]

I always told myself that if Barb had just picked up the phone..that I would have tried to make it work..for her,for myself and for the kids...would it have worked ? I can't say and will never know..we ran out of time...but..I admit..I also wondered if I could do it...and was afraid that I would live as braveheart described...

[elray]

Brave heart,

U paint a grim picture.  I don't know how I would behave in reconciliation mode but I don't think I would be a stalker for the rest of my life.  That isn't the path I am seeking. 

I joked earlier but really don't think my W had the intent of seeking a sexual affair.  I also exaggerated my personal experience but I have been caught by surprise when the opportunity to cheat arose.  I know that those times came unexpectedly and involved too much alcohol and could have ended differently with a few more drinks or a slightly more needy ego on my part.  I will not lie.  I found those situations immensely flattering and intoxicating.  It felt good to be wanted.  Knowing I have walked that line I am a bit more understanding when I am catching myself harshly judging my w in my own mind.  "Let him who is without sin..."

Anyways basic point is that sometimes mistakes happen without intent but once the happen and the bridge is burnt it's hard for the mlc er to know where motivation and mistakes crossed lines. Add in a active alienator addiction to drama and dopamine, and they can't find a way forward so they wallow in guilt uncertainty and self loathing.

In it ,  a good laugh is the best medicine but after 4 months I feel so physically lonely. I can't imagine 6 years... U may need something stronger than humor.  Hugs for u.

[Rookie13]

Apples and oranges in my experience.

Believe in MLC and forgive. Believe in MLC and not forgive.

Rover,  from knowing you for many years on LT , I am 100% sure if 'Barbs picked up the phone' you would have known the MLC difference. And would put your marriage back together if ever given the chance.

Braveheart, on the other hand, and no disrespect as we are men, ego would never allow that, as goes his posts here in my opinion.

Doesn't make him a bad guy as I lean to the 'damage' also as him.

[Braveheart]

Apples and oranges in my experience.

Believe in MLC and forgive. Believe in MLC and not forgive.

Rover,  from knowing you for many years on LT , I am 100% sure if 'Barbs picked up the phone' you would have known the MLC difference. And would put your marriage back together if ever given the chance.

Braveheart, on the other hand, and no disrespect as we are men, ego would never allow that, as goes his posts here in my opinion.

Doesn't make him a bad guy as I lean to the 'damage' also as him.

On my part there is no ego involved, or bitterness, it's just been my experince and in virtually every other case I've run into that when a woman is done with you, they are finished. They only come back if they have no other alternative because the OM's haven't worked out or your fortune's have improved beyond anything they could hope to get anywhere else.  Having someone come home because they've burned their bridges everywhere else or they've have hit bottom and you begun to win life's lottery is hardly the basis of a healthy reconcilliation.

The only time I've seen it work with unfaithful spouses is after a very substantial time has passed, (15-20 years) in which case both have had other lives and neither are the same people they were.
In a case like that the passions have cooled and it's pretty much a new relationship, not a reconcilliation.

[Rookie13]

Braveheart,

You missed the point although you 'may' be correct in you evaluation of 'things'.

Comes from the heart my friend. Your heart. You totally under estimate MLC/Put zero value on. and where you find yourself x amount of years from now depends on your flight/fright. hmmm.

Ego is simply what 'collects' on your brain from the day you are born and has alot to to do with your environment, plain and simple so says......

[in it]

In it ,  a good laugh is the best medicine but after 4 months I feel so physically lonely. I can't imagine 6 years... U may need something stronger than humor.  Hugs for u.

  Actually I'm still laughing. Seriously? It's been more like 8. But he said 6 months so I thought I'd say 6 years.

That's why I say men have a much harder time getting passed the sex part of the infidelity..I don't think women really know just how invested a man is when you make love. But I think men have a tendency to not COMMUNICATE that verbally.

 I went back because of two reasons ( this is after he put the pig in MY bed and I slept in that bed for 5 months and he never touched me) We lost a family cat and my compassion actually tried to override the disgust I felt for him.

And I had quit my job due to his harassment so financially I wasn't able to "make a go of it" with my d17. I had income from the apt I had so I pretty much paid for everything when I went back trying to save the girls inheritance in the form of real estate. PLUS I blew 10,000.00 on his fantasy band, food, and bills.

Whatever I'm no saint and don't aspire to be..but I'm not a nun and have no wish to leave this earth without SOMEHOW connecting with a man. But it's not going to be some fly by night thing physically. I'm practically a virgin again! 

[in it]

I joked earlier but really don't think my W had the intent of seeking a sexual affair.  I also exaggerated my personal experience but I have been caught by surprise when the opportunity to cheat arose.  I know that those times came unexpectedly and involved too much alcohol and could have ended differently with a few more drinks or a slightly more needy ego on my part.  I will not lie.  I found those situations immensely flattering and intoxicating.  It felt good to be wanted.  Knowing I have walked that line I am a bit more understanding when I am catching myself harshly judging my w in my own mind.  "Let him who is without sin..."

And admitting you are human is no sin either. We all want to feel wanted..I don't know about needed... but wanted.

 My situation would have been different had he just gone and got whatever kicks he needed to get gotten it out of his system and come home. BUT he had to have the divorce because the "love of his life" was waiting in the wings to take my place. So whatever-

He went way over the top this time and I am FINISHED as it was so aptly put in the above post. I tried..it didn't work. I don't care if he was "half- baked"- "1/4 baked" or "no baked". I was ready ...he wasn't... too bad for him.

[Lanzo]

In it ,  a good laugh is the best medicine but after 4 months I feel so physically lonely. I can't imagine 6 years... U may need something stronger than humor.  Hugs for u.

Strange but I was going to post this on my thread but it's probably 4 years for me, 2 of those years W father was dying with cancer and my mother was dying with a heart condition so W and I just passed like ships in the night going to different hospitals. I think this was one reason I reacted strongly when I found out about OM#2. She was getting some and I wasn't. I have never planned on cheating, and opportunities don't appear for me as they do for other people.

Anyway I'll be stepping outside in a few minutes the weather is bright and crisp, what do you think the odds would be on me tripping and falling into a V@g!n@.

Lanzo

[in it]

 

I think HALF of my problem with the EXCESS energy I have is I'm slightly sexually frustrated ..at best.

[elray]

Lanzo, sounds the last 4 years were a lonely sorrowful journey.  life has a way of turning the corner.  do you remember the story of joseph with 7 years of plenty followed by 7 years of famine?  God even used the hard 7 years to raise him up in life.  Regardless of your faith, life has a cycle of ups and downs. Nothing lasts forever and the up time is so much sweeter after the pain.

with respect to ur walk tonight, worse things could happen!  But I don't have to tell u that.