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Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 7

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#120: March 28, 2014, 11:20:38 AM
Quote from: Slow Fade on March 27, 2014, 03:31:52 PM
Quote
It is one of the most bizarre things to witness. When my H is cycling towards me he will touch me - it is the most obvious sign that he is pursuing. So when he purposely doesn't touch me, he is distancing himself. My opinion is that my H is too weak to be able to touch me without him wanting it to be more and since he says that we can never be a couple again he has to keep control of his touching so he doesn't feel guilty about what he is doing. Their minds are very twisted.

I see this exact thing with my H too S4A. Interesting.....
Me too! I had been wondering what was up with that b/c sometimes he will come and hug me hard but others he will stay 5 ft. away and not look at me.  Just figured it was when he had been with an OW.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#121: March 28, 2014, 04:28:03 PM
Quote from: bipolared on March 28, 2014, 11:20:38 AM
Quote from: Slow Fade on March 27, 2014, 03:31:52 PM
Quote
It is one of the most bizarre things to witness. When my H is cycling towards me he will touch me - it is the most obvious sign that he is pursuing. So when he purposely doesn't touch me, he is distancing himself. My opinion is that my H is too weak to be able to touch me without him wanting it to be more and since he says that we can never be a couple again he has to keep control of his touching so he doesn't feel guilty about what he is doing. Their minds are very twisted.

I see this exact thing with my H too S4A. Interesting.....
Me too! I had been wondering what was up with that b/c sometimes he will come and hug me hard but others he will stay 5 ft. away and not look at me.  Just figured it was when he had been with an OW.

Sometimes I make a game out of it ::) I will purposely move toward him to watch him move in the opposite direction! I personally don't think it has anything to do with OW. I think it is all in their head.
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BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#122: March 29, 2014, 04:54:25 AM
Hi.
I've written on my thread that my husband is emailing D10 and now emailing me to get her to check. I've been NC recently as he ignores me trying to let him know how we are and asking how he is etc.

Today he emailed me again to ask her to check for new email and actually said 'how are you all doing?' Pursuit and withdrawl at it's finest!!

Any advice on how to respond to his limited contact would be appreciated
Thanks
My thread is childhood catching up with him
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M
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#123: March 30, 2014, 05:53:16 PM
I have searched for two days and can't find RCR's story about her timeline. Can someone help me?
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#124: March 30, 2014, 05:57:20 PM
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#125: April 03, 2014, 07:15:24 PM
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4733.msg306139#msg306139

Feeling a bit out of control........  Is anyone here?
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When a train goes through a tunnel, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer......I am the engineer to my marriage.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#126: April 04, 2014, 01:07:45 AM
I've lost the plot abit and could do with a bit of guidance please

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4651.10
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#127: April 04, 2014, 02:31:12 PM
My head is messed up today ???

Could use some input on my thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4742.msg306340#msg306340

Thanks!
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We all do damage. Character is determined by how we repair it.


BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#128: April 08, 2014, 10:18:30 AM
Can someone point me in the right direction. I know there are writings about cycling behaviours near the end of replay/start of outward depression.  My husband seemed to be heading into a dark place but either has managed to pull himself out and keep running or is peaking out and going back into replay where he thinks will solve it.  I need to reread to gain some clarity.  Please help.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#129: April 08, 2014, 10:26:26 AM
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_progress_back-limbo-forward.html

LWH, I don't know if this is what you are experiencing, but try reading this. It talks about their back and forth movements within the tunnel.
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