[Albatross]

I'm curious to know what you guys think about this:

Recently, H has decided to get rid of all of his 'adult' magazines. He has had these magazines since he was a teenager/young adult. I don't think that he has looked at these in at least 15 years. Do you guys think that there is any significance in his doing this?

Can be grown up signs and closing teenagers page of his life ?

[I reckon so]

Albatross,

So is that why they project and blame spouse during MLC, because they have moved on from blaming the parents?

[I reckon so]

S4A, I thought what Albatross said was good. IMHO, any reason your H gets rid of 'adult' magazines is probably a good one.

[Searching4Answers]

S4A, I thought what Albatross said was good. IMHO, any reason your H gets rid of 'adult' magazines is probably a good one.

I agree  It just seemed odd that he has had them for 20 years and now he is getting rid of them. He also isn't looking at it on the internet much anymore either.

[31andcounting]

I agree it could be good , maybe he feels a little more " contentment" within his life and does not feel the "need"  ... doing away with or getting rid of anything that takes away from a relationship (and I feel those do) is good.  No Expectations though
31andcounting

[toughtimes]

Albatross,

So is that why they project and blame spouse during MLC, because they have moved on from blaming the parents?

This is EXACTLY what I feel has happened in my situation. My H spent 14 years telling me how his parents D ruined his life, how all his failings were down to his parents and projecting all sorts of stuff onto me. Now, he blames me for everything that he did or didn't do in the last 14 years. He hates me like he hated his step mother.

[Albatross]

Albatross,

So is that why they project and blame spouse during MLC, because they have moved on from blaming the parents?

This is EXACTLY what I feel has happened in my situation. My H spent 14 years telling me how his parents D ruined his life, how all his failings were down to his parents and projecting all sorts of stuff onto me. Now, he blames me for everything that he did or didn't do in the last 14 years. He hates me like he hated his step mother.

My wife blame parents, specifically mother and project misery unconsciously on her. Later she blame only self. Then we clash and I become target of her projections.

Very important thing is that someone who is well balanced cannot be receiver of projection. In time their projection fail because no feedback on that.

[I reckon so]

Albatross,

Albatross,

My wife blame parents, specifically mother and project misery unconsciously on her. Later she blame only self. Then we clash and I become target of her projections.

Very important thing is that someone who is well balanced cannot be receiver of projection. In time their projection fail because no feedback on that.

This makes me realize how important it is to be able to detach. Sounds like MLC is a kind of fire that will burn everything it needs to burn. Detaching is a way of not adding more fuel. Thoughts?

[Albatross]

This makes me realize how important it is to be able to detach. Sounds like MLC is a kind of fire that will burn everything it needs to burn. Detaching is a way of not adding more fuel. Thoughts?

Indeed, MLC is total collapse of the one. So, if You are attached You going down with him. Point is that nobody can save him. He later rebuilding self from the scratch. Yes, if You refuse his projections then they aren't effective and in  time vanished.

[toughtimes]

I have only recently understood the term projection, a friend suggested my h was projecting onto me back when I was pregnant with my daughter and it was the first time I had heard the term. Even now I find it difficult to work out what is projection and what is real. Sometimes my h would say something that I must be thinking or feeling and I would not have the foggiest idea where he got such an idea from. Then I would realise this is what you think and feel, not me atall.

When you say don't take on the projection, what do you mean? What do we have to do avoid projection? Say, "that's a projection" I just don't think quick enough!!!!!