[in it]

The ex did the same thing this exow was pretty much an opportunistic predator.
Fr the life of me I couldn't figure out what she saw in him. No job, 2 kids, I knew she made goo-goo eyes at him when we would run into her but I thought he could see that.

He ran into her again in the grocery store and that pretty much lit the match to the bomb that exploded. He made the comment he was "Ripe for the picking".

This person was a prostitute from the ages of 14 to 21 in New York City so talk about working those dark fantasies out? There was evidence of that when I got back to the house. BUT he could not achieve the "ultimate connection" she wanted him to make. They did everything else but. And she pulled out all the stops to get him to do that.

There was something though she said in an email that she could not believe he asked her to do and would never forget-it took quite a while for me to figure that out also.

I even asked him "What was it even a retired NYC hooker wouldn't do?" He yelled. "None of your business!!!"

To be honest? I think he asked her to do something trying to make himself so repulsive that she would leave him.

In the end? It was clear what she was after- it was the Real Estate he owned. He said he would marry her then backed out.

The whole thing drove me entirely nuts- this happened in what was my bed, my house, mine and the girls lives two weeks after the divorce was final which took 4 months.
That was three years ago now..and if he had the chance to be with her again? I'd give him to her.

[ember]

My question is this, since my MLCer is a vanisher, and has been gone for over 4 years, and has just recently introduced the kids to his girlfriend, at what point is the girlfriend a genuine girlfriend and not an OW ? I have no idea at what stage my exH is at. I am in a serious relatioship with someone myself and have had no moves from my exH about reconciliation.

[Dontgiveup]

I am not old enough to post in this thread.

[dbpb]

I'm also curious as is Ember...at what point is the girlfriend a genuine girlfriend and not the OW anymore?
My ex has been with OW/gf for many years. If he and I talk and she happens to come up, I just call her OP-other person. I refuse to call her by her given name-that is one of my boundaries.

[i can and will cope]

im not an old timer but i wont call trollop by her name either she is just that woman as she doesnt deserve any name , i know it annoys h and he calls me childish ?? not childish she doesnt deserve my breath or my time .

their relationship is based on lies and deciet and they are BOTH liars and cheats and karma will kick their butts soon i am sure.

[ember]

In my case, this girlfriend has only been around for about a year and we have been divorced for 3. So I guess I can't really refer to her as an OW.

[in it]

That's a really good question- how long are they considered an OW after a divorce or married separation.

I guess as long as we think about them (ow) with any animosity. It may be much longer with younger children in the mix. If she starts to press your buttons regarding the kids.

If the kids are older or there is none- the sooner you can let go emotionally the better. Chances are? He may pick up on another OW to apply as a band-aid or something else.

I've been legally divorced three years- this Sept. it will be 4. The last time I saw or dealt with him in person it was April 2013. I have no desire to see or talk or communicate with him.

Frankly? I couldn't care less who he sees.

[lawprofessor]

In my opinion I think, the OW stays an OW for as long as she is the person who helped split our relationship, as long as we are still married.  I did not refer to the OW by her name nor by the term OW and almost never brought her up to Genius as she was not worth the air to do so. 

Once I told Genius she was nothing to me.  He yelled "She is a person and as such she matters in that way."  Ah, yes true love. 

Kidding aside, J had his OW for about 8 years on and off, mostly on.  He vanished for 2 years from his wife's life and that of OW at one point .  OW still tries to contact him, most recently 4 days ago.  He wants nothing to do with her.  Still, he laughs when Ex-wife brings her up.  He loves it that it makes Ex-wife crazy still.  It is only Ex-wife that keeps it alive.

When Ex-wife asked him why OW was still one of his FB friends, he looked puzzled.  Then he shrugged and said, I don't know.  I'm never on that and don't pay any attention to her anyway.  Why? do you want me to unfriend her?  (I pre-prepped Ex-wife with an answer.)  She said, "No, I would not want you to hurt her or add to her pain by doing that."  J almost fell off the sofa.  The stick to beat Ex-wife over the head was taken from him.  He has not thrown that in her face since. 

[Tsunami]

LP,

Enjoying your post, and laughing my head off, but I wonder does J have any remorse for the way he treated his wife?

Thanks for posting!

Tsu

[lawprofessor]

Hi Tsu!

I'm glad you enjoyed a laugh.  Yes, he feels some level of remorse.  It is not that he outwardly says he is sorry for his behavior to his wife.  It is more a shift in overall attitude in which he now treats her with respect and slips back into calling her his pet name for her when she is having difficulties.