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Author Topic: Discussion  Ask a Mentor 8

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#130: September 24, 2016, 04:24:03 PM
I'll look at your thread, Learning, and answer there.   :)
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"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#131: December 11, 2016, 06:53:34 AM
Mentors ,

        My s19 contacted the ow earlier this week. He told her about h cheating on her with me back in august. She wasnt real happy. Im sure h has told her that s19 is doing this just ro start trouble. None of my children have met her nor do they want to. S19 contacted her through fb messenger. She wanted to confront h with me present. Not going to happen. She then continued to tell s19 how h is not struggling financially and that after the holidays h is filing for divorce. These are things h should be dicussing with me not her. H and i have had very little contact in the last year. Its not that i have went nc, its just he dont contact me and i wont pursue him. My question is whe your children interfere with the situation and tou have asked them not to, does it do more damage? S19 told me he wants her gone and for h to have nothing. I think deep down past the hurt of everything  he is trying to fix this. I have told him its no use. My h has always said " out of sight, out of mind". I guess that is how he is chosing to live his life now. We are out of sight so we are out of all his thoughts.


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8432.msg550753#msg550753
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« Last Edit: December 13, 2016, 06:08:14 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#132: December 12, 2016, 12:28:15 AM
I'll answer on your thread.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#133: December 22, 2016, 12:37:32 PM
I'm rather new in the forum but from what I've been reading here, it seems there are different types/kinds of men in MLC. I've read people mention clingers and vanishers.

Is there any article on the topic you could recommend reading?

Thanks in advance!


Answered on your thread - OP
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« Last Edit: December 22, 2016, 12:49:18 PM by OldPilot »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#134: January 01, 2017, 09:36:41 AM
HelP! last night he told me again it was too late for my changes! He said he has never been unfaithfuk but he doesn't know about the future. He asked for space. That he was living one day at a time. We still share our bed, what should I do?


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8503.msg554997#msg554997
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« Last Edit: January 02, 2017, 02:14:29 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#135: January 06, 2017, 02:45:02 AM
I hope it's okay to post here.  I'm really looking for advise from those of you that have been here much longer and have more experience.

Short version.  Recently I made the decision to go dim w H.  I did this for my own peace of mind.  I am trying to detach more, and not live my life wondering what, why, when...

We talk occasionally but most communication is by text.  So I answer his texts when he asks me a question but let more of them go unanswered.  I've also got a lot going on with my M's recent surgery and frankly, I don't want to deal w H and my emotions right now.

Last night he texted me " Just wanted to say hi.  I hope you're well".  I had just gotten in bed and didn't respond.  Then overnight another text " I know I did wrong.  I don't know what I've done lately but I know your mad at me for something...."

I really don't know how to answer this.  I don't feel comfortable putting anything in writing but not sure I should call.  I don't want to give him my blessing to continue his MLC behavior, and I feel like he's looking for that.  I wanted to find resources about pursuers vs distancers, as I feel that he has been the distancer and now is responding to me becoming more of one.  I feel like possibly he's poking his head a little out of the fog...but maybe just looking for permission from me?

Anyway, I really don't know what to do to respond, if anything.  Any advise or thoughts are truly appreciated.

Here's my most recent thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8540.msg556172#new

Thank you.  I apologize if I should not have posted here, but I didn't know what else to do.


Edit - Posted on your thread. - OP
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« Last Edit: January 06, 2017, 04:38:15 AM by OldPilot »
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#136: January 09, 2017, 04:45:58 AM
Can a mentor please throw an objective eye on my thread, not sure what's going on and I really do not want to go into over thinking mode. Thanks

Here is the link:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8284.50
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« Last Edit: January 09, 2017, 11:28:55 AM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#137: January 10, 2017, 04:55:48 AM
I'll answer on your tread, Becoming.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#138: January 15, 2017, 06:38:50 AM
I hope someone can help me with this thought I've been having, how does the whole of the MLC work if there's no affair?
 Do facts that there's no physical or emotional affair and that the MLCer stays at home make the whole process longer?

Are there threads similar to my case that could throw light on my situation?

Thanks in advance
 :)


thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8503.70
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« Last Edit: January 16, 2017, 10:54:57 AM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#139: January 15, 2017, 06:56:28 AM
I'll respond on your thread, Mary.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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