Skip to main content
Pages: 1 ... 13 14 [15] 16  All   Go Down

Author Topic: Discussion  Ask a Mentor 8

  • *
  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3313
  • Gender: Female
  • One day at a time. And time is my friend.
Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#140: January 20, 2017, 03:37:38 AM
I really need help from someone experienced in Mirror Work.  Sorry that I'm not waiting for a response but I think (I hope) a mentor may be more experienced.  Here's my question, I did post it on my thread:

Okay, I really need some advice.

I got that book my IC suggested, "Healing the Child Within".  I started reading it yesterday morning.  After a couple chapters, I started crying.  Couldn't figure out why, but decided to stop for a while.

Last night when I went to bed, I took it with me and read some more.  It brought up things I thought had healed and made me cry more.  I put it aside and went to sleep.

This morning, I can't stop crying.  I know it's my inner child, in pain.  I am remembering things that I had thought had long since healed and I am now understanding just how scared and alone I felt.  My brother used to be so mean, he went through a lot of anger when he was a teenager.  I was the youngest.  I remember him hitting my mother so hard he left her whole forearm bruised.  She had to wear long sleeves to work to cover it.  But I also remember him hitting my grandmother, who lived with us and had a bad back.  She fell to the floor, crying in pain.  I had to run next door to the neighbor, who was a nurse.  The ambulance had to come and took my grandmother to the hospital.   

My brother used to hit me too.  But it's the pain of having to deal with him hitting my grandmother that is hitting me hard.  I don't know what to do.  It's quite obvious I need to work through this but don't know how to. 

Do I keep reading through this book in hopes that I get to a place that helps me to heal?  Or do I put it back in it's compartment until I can see the IC?  I don't have another appointment scheduled at this point, but did email her to see if I can get in.

Please, have any of you opened old wounds when you started doing mirror work?  And if so, how did you deal with it?

Thank you!


Answered on you thread by me and some other mentors - OP
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8591.0
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 20, 2017, 11:50:24 AM by OldPilot »
Married 11 1/2 years, together 18.  BD 9/2016, 2nd BD 10/16.  H moved out 10/16.  2 AS's from my first M.  Me 55, H 50. OW 23.  Moved back 4/18.  Reconnecting and working on our M.

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through; how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure if the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain; when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in...that's what this storm is all about."

"The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones."
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 307
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#141: January 24, 2017, 07:14:17 PM
If anyone is there, I'm needing some help or at least someone just to listen. Having a minor panic attack. H wants to talk. I told him if he was going to drop another  bomb that I would prefer to wait. He said 'okay.' This was all via text.


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8535.130
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 25, 2017, 03:08:19 PM by Anjae »
"You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice as important as the surface." - Baltasar Gracián
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 24016
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#142: January 25, 2017, 03:02:01 PM
I'll answer on your thread Emerald.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1473
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#143: February 05, 2017, 10:12:42 AM
Hi mentors,
  I was wondering of replay really does last 5 to 7 years? Could they be in replay before bomb drop? I am asking this because a year prior to bd my h was fishing for someone to have an affair with. This includes my own sister. I havent mentio ed this before because it is embarrassing.
  • Logged
  • *****
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 13334
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#144: February 05, 2017, 10:59:47 AM
Quote from: bluerose on February 05, 2017, 10:12:42 AM
Hi mentors,
  I was wondering of replay really does last 5 to 7 years? Could they be in replay before bomb drop? I am asking this because a year prior to bd my h was fishing for someone to have an affair with. This includes my own sister. I havent mentio ed this before because it is embarrassing.
Yes Replay starts before bomb drop
  • Logged
b
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1473
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#145: February 05, 2017, 11:31:02 AM
How long before bd?
  • Logged
  • *****
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 13334
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#146: February 05, 2017, 04:53:45 PM
Quote from: bluerose on February 05, 2017, 11:31:02 AM
How long before bd?
Normally BD is considered to be 1/2 to 2/3 thru replay, however their are no guarantees.
Personally I would not worry about it.
  • Logged
M
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 272
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#147: February 06, 2017, 07:27:47 AM
Just in case you can give me some ideas about this:

I wanted to know if you or someone is aware of how stages can vary and what consequences those varietaions may have. My H was really depressed and withdrawn immediately after BD. He kept to himself and stayed up till late on a hobby of his. He would drink more than what he used to and listened to romantic songs. He cried when we talked about his past an de I felt as if he was falling into a dungeon. At the same time, he bought clothes and has been changing his looks. Does that mean he will later skip depression and withdrawal?

Thanks in advance!


Edit - answered on your thread - OldPilot
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 06, 2017, 09:47:25 AM by OldPilot »
M: 43
H 49
T : 26
BD: April, 2016
EA: discovered March,27, 2017. Lasted for about 6 months.
L
  • ***
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 211
  • Gender: Male
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#148: February 27, 2017, 09:24:07 AM
As someone who wants to reconcile, but going through the D process how do I deal with property division?  W wants everything of value and has been nasty. I know I can't cave as I will need nice things in order to build a new life. I am seeing the mlc monster or the crying victim. I got some good advice on my thread about how to view her, but I guess I need help on how to deal with her anger. I don't want to create permanent damage, but it is difficult to put up with her behavior. I explained to her that I wanted her to have all of the nice things we bought, but now that she wants D I need half to build my life. I said I need money for retirement and to maintain a home. I said I can't take care of her needs first anymore. I don't know what else to do?  I can accept her attitude and look past some of the ministering, but will this be a problem down the road if she comes out of the mlc?  I guess I can't give her everything and hope she appreciates it. Anyone with enough insight into the mlc mind to sort this out for me.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8692.msg569289#msg569289

Edit - Posted on your thread. - OP
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 27, 2017, 02:12:21 PM by Anjae »
k
  • *
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 9
  • Gender: Female
Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#149: March 10, 2017, 11:58:59 AM
I have a couple of questions. I am still trying to figure out if what my husband is going through is an mlc or not.

I have read that most mlcers have childhood issues....is that always the case because my husband had a happy childhood?

My husband has continued to stay involved with his children which doesn't seem like most mlcers.

Finally, my husband seems to have been on and off with affair partner for years before bd, is that normal?


Edit - answered on your thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8796.0 - Oldpilot
  • Logged
« Last Edit: March 10, 2017, 12:35:00 PM by OldPilot »
Pages: 1 ... 13 14 [15] 16  All   Go Up
 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.