[aloneinminnesota]

Could I have a mentor, please? Really struggling. Thanks.

[MIMIx]

OldPilot,

I have been reading your thread and am very interested in your comments.

You often mention that the LBS needs to 'lead the way'.  Would you be able to clarify this term for me?  

Best,Mimi

[Strongwind]

I've a done a lot of mirror work but I'm still struggling with my stand. I would like a mentor. I'm not new to the forum. H has been gone without much contact for 2 years and I find it hard to continue to stand. I love him very much but he is going on with his life as if I don't even exist.

I was given a mentor at the beginning although I didn't find much in common with her. Is it possible for me to have a mentor now and how can I also be a mentor to someone else?  Thank you for your help. SW

Answered on your thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5305.msg385289#new

[Kat0465]

I would like a mentor as well, a year and a half into this. Alone for a year. And I'm barely getting out of bed.

I can't seem to connect with anyone on the board. 


Answered on your thread at :

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5097.msg384847#new

[MIMIx]

Strongwind and Kat,

What are you looking for in a mentor? 

I am not a mentor by any stretch, but perhaps we can be of inspiration to each othet?  My H has been gone for nearly two years too. But I've done lots of work on myself and I am getting to a much better place now.  I sm actually rmbracing my aloneness.

[Kat0465]

Hi MIMI,

It's good to hear your better. Gives me some hope. I have not embraced my aloneness that's for sure.

Daughter moved out a month before I kicked MLCer out. So a double whammy. Do you hear from your  H?

[MIMIx]

Kat,
Yes, I hear from my H.  I have made it safe for him to come back.  I do not react to the things he is doing.  I try to focus on myself and keep things together here at home.  I try to be as good to myself as possible.

Initially he ran away and was so defiant.  He was afraid of my reaction.  When he did not get a reaction, when I did not cut him out of life, he let down his defences.  He softened his stance.  Granted, he is not back.  But he is really confused rnow and doesn't seem to know what he wants now. He is suffering too.  He has stopped the "I want a divorce" talk.  I just leave him alone.

Focus on your own happiness.  Be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself to some good things.  It doesn't have to cost anything.  It could simply be taking an hour of sitting in a sunny window (or shade depending on where you live) and flipping through a magazine.  Have coffee with a friend and talk hobbies.  I have pizza every Thursday with a friend.  We get together and share a happy couple of hours.

I do not follow my emotions.  I try to stay in control.  I do this for myself.  It works!  It really does. 

[RoseTint]

Can someone please tell me if we can edit our posts?  I am being advised to add more details, but, don't know if I should lob it onto the bottom of my thread, or if I can edit my original (very first) post?  TIA


Edit - Answered on your thread. Old Pilot

[Stacia]

I have a question about 'protecting myself financially' like everyone recommends. I am 5 months after BD. My husband has just gone public with OW even telling our S8 and D10 about her.
When I mentioned to H that I was concerned that his new relationship would put pressure on our already struggling financial resources he says "dont worry. my priority is you and the kids. she doesnt need any money. she understands" etc. Well, obviously I dont trust him - although I think he does believe this to be true I get the feeling she is pressuring him to take the relationship to the next level and he is not right in the head.

Anyway, years ago I promised my S8 I would not get divorced (before MLC) and I dont want to go back on that since he's had such a hard time with this. I want him to believe the word of at least one of his parents. So I was hoping not to be the one to file. H has not mentioned D though.

My question is - in the US can you hire someone other than a lawyer who can help you put together a legal, financial document that divvies up resources, identifies alimony and child pay, etc. in the case that things start going south (H starts spending his money elsewhere or goes into dept)?

I was a homeschool parent who moved here and gave up my career for his job years ago. My employment options in this location barely get me minimum wage. I feel vulnerable and unsure where to spend my meager amount of money (lawyer, financial mediator etc.?) in order to protect myself.

ps. I didnt post on my thread because I havent been getting responses there lately.

Answered on your thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5487.120

[Kat0465]

Mimix,
My MLCer is a lot like yours. He knows he can come back, I don't fight,argue,ask questions about OW.
I don't contact him unless he initiates. Unless its an emergency. A few months ago, he came over, had dinner. Stayed for a few hours. And right before leaving, said.... I still don't know where I'm going.


I try to be as kind as i can, he is truly suffering too. Even tho he made his bed. I think they all find it very uncomfortable at times. It's not quite the fairy tale we think it is for them.

So I'm trying to not to focus so much on him, the situation, the OW.he will not talk divorce. So I don't go there anymore.

Even if we divorced, nothing would change. I would still hurt, still love him, still want him to come home. So I'm leaving that to God and the universe.

And going to try hard to work on me, thanks for your post. I truly needed to hear it.