[What What is the status of your wedding ring?]

What What is the status of your wedding ring?

Still wear your wedding ring

42 (35.3%)

If not is it on a necklace, other hand or something

6 (5%)

Have it safely tucked away

60 (50.4%)

Gave it back

7 (5.9%)

Never had one never needed one

4 (3.4%)

Total Members Voted: 118

[Lost and Confused]

The day of the BD my H left his wedding ring behind with his letter telling me we were through.  I asked him why he left the ring and he said he thought I should have it that he couldn't wear it because it felt like a lie.

I took my rings off a couple of weeks later after one of our more heated discussions and a feeling of hopelessness.  I had them off for about a week but I put them back on.  I AM still married and I wear my rings as a symbol of MY commitment.  The day I remove them again will be the day that I have decided I am no longer standing!

But for now, I am not even close to giving up on him!

[NinjaGirl]

You need to do what is right for you.  What does your heart tell you?

Rings have never meant much to me because I have always known where my heart stands.  I didn't wear my ring all last year while I was training.  My H had breakfast with some friends the other day and he said something odd to them about "T never wore her rings...".  I never realized it meant that much to him... and now my ring means more to me then it ever has.

I did notice my H took his ring off for the first time ever...

I tried putting my ring back on, but it just hurt my heart too much.  So, I wear it on my necklace with a charm that says "Be Happy".  I keep it close to my heart, hold it, pray with it.  That's what my heart tells me to do.

[Still]

I have spoken to my therapist about this issue. He was also an LBS.

He told me that he wore his wedding ring until he left the court room from his final divorce hearing. He told me that he was married until that moment and how he chose to address the issue.

Incidentally, his wife left him for another man. She and the other man married as soon as the divorce was final. They are now divorcing. Another example of the grass not being greener.

[IM AZ]

thanks cor everyone's input.  i was considering not to wear it to send a detatch message.  my heart of hearts is to stay committed.  I'll put it back on tomorrow

[BraveNewWorld]

My wife wears her rings on the other hand now. She transferred them over in March or so. I asked her why she did - she told me that she had an allergy. It seems that she is allergic to our marriage! A few weeks later she put them on her married hand again. Then a month or so later transferred them again.

I lost my original ring when my youngest son was a year old. My hands were covered in sun screen that day and the ring must have slipped off. I frantically looked for it in the grass at the park for a whole day.

Just a few years ago, a couple of days before Christmas by wife took me to one side, opened up a small paper bag took a ring out of it and put it on my finger. It cost about $20 and was made of steel. The commercial value of it didn't matter to me, because honestly I was so warmed that she had thought of it. She told me that now it looked like I belonged to someone. It's a positive memory that somehow counters many of the negative things she has told me in the past year.

I still wear it, and will until she leaves. Some days when I feel especially challenged, I take it off for a few hours.

In February I lost that ring too for a few days. My wife arranged for us to see a 'separation councilor'. While we drove to the appointment she felt something in the crease of her seat. It was my ring. She handed it over to me. Interesting circumstance for it to turn up again.

A couple of months ago I took it off to play soccer at lunchtime. When I came back to work, I couldn't find it. So I drove back to the indoor field. I walked onto the field and immediately saw something on the field glint from the sun streaming through the windows. It was my ring. A happy moment ( I take what I can get these days ).

When she moves out, I'll take the ring off - but I've thought about wearing it on a chain for a while. Probably the best thing to do is to put it away.

There are no rules. Take it off in your own time. Most of all, it matters what your ring means to you. My advice is to be pure of heart. Try not to take it off to stimulate feelings in another. Wear it or take it off because you're being true to your own feelings about it.

holdingon

[Glimmer]

My H stopped wearing his ring a few months before the bomb drop. He said it felt too big when his hands were cold. In hindsight maybe this was beginning of MLC, before I became aware of anything being wrong. I tried to prompt him to wear it at times, but he would usually make an excuse not too. Eventually he said that he no longer thought of himself as married.

Funnily enough, a few months ago during a touch and go, he asked me completely out of the blue what I had done with his wedding ring. I think it was a little bit cruel of me, but I told him I had taken it along with a lot of other scrap gold and sold it to a jeweller.  I could tell with his face he was shocked, and I didn't tell him the truth that it was in my jewellery box, until a few days later.

I stopped wearing my ring shortly after H moved out. The girls got upset about this, and I put it back on. In my eyes I am still married, whether H sees it that way or not. I also agree that I will wear it until I decide I am no longer standing.

[JustFine&Dandy]

My H first took his ring off a week after BD when we got into a huge argument and he moved out for a week.  When he came back, I noticed he wasn't wearing it, but he told me he had it in the consol of his truck.  A week or later was our 15-year anniversary.  I decided to leave and stay one night out of town because I was so upset about the situation.  When I returned, I was surprised to see he was wearing his ring.  He said he put it back on because he was going to be around the kids while I was gone.

That very weekend, he played music with a band out of state.  OW tagged along, and he returned without his ring.  I just assumed he had taken it back off and placed it back in the consol of his truck.  Wrong!  He ended up telling me (in one of his "touch-n-go" moments) that he threw it in a river in Illinois!  What a chump, trying to "prove" his love to OW by throwing his wedding ring in the river...

In spite of everything, I still wear my ring because I am standing.  I must admit that a part of me wears the ring because I know it gets under H's skin.  I did take it off for a few days, and it felt weird.  Plus, I definitely do NOT want to give anyone the impression that I am single and available!

Funny, there have been a few times that H had to attend the kids' school activities with me and he tried to act like his old self.  At the time, most people did not know what was going on.  Every time an old acquaintance would talk to H, he would hide his hand in his pocket or fold his arms over his hand.  I found it quite amusing that he was trying to hide what he had done...

[LettingGo]

My husband stopped wearing his ring some time before BD... he does work with his hands and it was getting beat up, but I still noticed and didn't like the fact...

Since he left, he has worn his ring sporadically, under weird circumstances when we've gone out on a "date" or in public and it is jarring to me, but he thought he was doing me a favor. I feel he was "trying it out... pretending like we were married (even though we ARE)"

I took my rings off in a fit of anger for about 2 minutes... I love diamonds and furs and my rings are beautiful, so NOT giving them up! Plus, the people I work with would notice if I didn't wear them, but the main reason is I LOVE MY RINGS!!

I feel my husband checks to see if I have them on when I see him. It reassures him in some way... that's just my feeling.

I do put "spells" on them now, LOL!!

I wonder where he keeps his now that he lives with OW...hmm.

[HeartsBlessing]

The Ring, in the greater scheme of things, means NOTHING if the feelings aren't attached; something I learned during his crisis.

Usually the presence of the ring is a deterrent; but if you're truly married, it doesn't matter whether or not you wear it.

That wedding ring doesn't keep people from doing as they please.

My husband lost his first ring after the affair wound down; and I bought him another...he lost that one, too.

I was a little upset until the Lord showed me that it didn't matter; gave me what I know about wedding rings and instructed me NOT to buy him another until he asked for another, and he did, in time.

It was strange the changes he went through before he asked for another; said his finger felt "naked" without it.  I gave him back the one he'd worn in the beginning of our marriage; and he's had that one ever since.

Many people measure their "success" by that ring; but, like I said, I came to understand that it didn't matter; just as a marriage license doesn't make someone be "married"; and just as divorce paper don't really mean someone is "divorced".

It is only a symbol, that's all.

That's my take on the wedding band. 

[hopingfourbetter]

  I rarely where my ring I am in construction and have tried recently and lost it for a couple of days, the W found it and put it back in the place that it had been for 22 years prior. For me it is very uncomfortable to wear and I am always twiddling or moving it around on my finger and I no that I would lose it if I wore it  be cause of my work. Hfb