[What What is the status of your wedding ring?]

What What is the status of your wedding ring?

Still wear your wedding ring

42 (35.3%)

If not is it on a necklace, other hand or something

6 (5%)

Have it safely tucked away

60 (50.4%)

Gave it back

7 (5.9%)

Never had one never needed one

4 (3.4%)

Total Members Voted: 118

[LosingHope]

I am separated and I do not wear my ring neither does my H

Although I do not know if my H is or at any point was having an affair, He left at first with the idea of a separation. My H is a boomerang so after he came back and left a third time and wanted a divorce his stuff was in the garage for him to pick up.

[godspromises]

1. I wear my ring as I always have and will unless we divorce. My point of view is I'm still married and married people wear their rings.

2. When I found out about the affair, I told her to leave, in my mind for that weekend, but she took the opportunity and ran as fast as she could. Looking back, I realized she had always threatened to leave whenever something didn't go her way, so I've come to the conclusion she had to do this.

[rediscover]

H has moved out.  I do not wear my ring, because before my H left I gave him my ring and told him I wanted him to put it back on my finger when he was ready.

I would not have asked my H to leave.

[followingbliss]

Hi TD

I am separated and wear my ring still - my thinking is I will wear it until I feel it truly is all over , not sure when that will be but trusting that I will know.I have noticed that for some on the site that point comes with a loss of hope, for others it comes with a serene acceptance. Last time I looked ( christmas day) my H was still wearing his.

My H was/is having a PA. BD was in july and he made no signs of moving ( although we discussed it) until I eventually told him to leave in November - I couldn't take the cakeeating and monster spewing I was starting to suffer emotionally and mentally to a point where I felt enough was enough. The general advice is to let them leave of their own accord rather than push them , with hindsight I would have liked to stick to that particularly as the pushing him out was in the heat of the moment, alcohol induced anger  . I do however feel much more at peace now he is not here , although accept the cost of that may be a negative impact on his likelihood of returning. Another pro/con is that I think my H needs to work through stuff away from me as he has always avoided conflict/challenge, emotional stuff and has been overly dependent on me, but.......I now think he will become a vanisher and is having very little contact with the Kids which is a real cost to him not being here at home also difficult to display my paving the way ?

Guess what I am saying is the general advice is not to push your MLCer out but I believe each of us needs to weigh up the challenges of having them at home  ( there are some very strong LBSers living with absolute monsters on this site !) and our knowledge of ourselves and the ability to cope  with this and the benefits of maintained contact with our MLCer , the children contact issue etc. For me these are more important issues than whether or not there is an affair but for some LBS that may be a dealbreaker for staying at home. It's an individual choice so its greta that you are gathering advice and info before making a decision - avoiding shooting from the hip like I did 

FB

[xyzcf]

I wear my rings and will continue to do so. I also have been thinking that in spite of getting a legal separation at some point..I shall still continue to fill in the box that says married because in my heart and God's eyes that is what we are. Boy, I wish I didn't have that so firmly placed in my head but it is what it is for me.

Everyone has differences re this.....A long time ago, there was a man in our church who wore his wedding rings even though his wife had left him...he would turn it around on his finger looking down at it and I thought, that's rather strange, he's really not accepting reality now is he?

Always be careful for you never know when that might happen in your life. Honestly, nothing that I am doing is in anyway what I thought I would do should such a situation arise in my life..live and learn.

[limitless]

1.  Is your husband home or are you separated and if so do you still wear your wedding ring?
We are separated.  I no longer wear my wedding ring.  I removed it a week after he left (and before I found this website).
It feels wrong for me to put it back on.2

.  My husband is not having an affair as far as I know.  He has had I believe, one phyical affair 10 years ago and one EA over 1 year ago.  He is in MLC or MLT and has said that he wants to leave but hasn't left yet.  Would you ask your husband to leave if he wasn't having an affair?
I believe that my H is not having an affair.  I would not ask my H to leave if he wasn't having an affair.  He left 5 months
ago and still resides with his parents.

Since, there aren't many on the board where an affair isn't present I just wanted opinions on what each person thinks they would do.

[LettingGo]

I'm MARRIED, therefore I wear my rings. My husband looks at them and fondles them on my finger every now and then... I believe it has reassured him all along that there was a path back if he would only take it.

My husband displayed Monster one weekend a year ago over a made up issue and it was so bizarre and ugly I asked him to leave. I only meant for the night, but it was his chance to RUNNNNNN straight to OW to begin the physical part of their affair. He never looked back for some time... not even to see the kids. I don't think I would have physically separated if I had a choice and there had been no affair... he travels for business m-f anyway and for the longest time, I really thought he was staying away to get a jump on his "big jobs" 

Eventually, he moved in with her, even after expressing to me he saw us together for life "eventually"... he had to "try with OW so he wouldn't regret it for the rest of his life"  Yes, he really said that... didn't even contemplate he might regret his neglect of us for the rest of his life... it was all about her. Now, he can't stand her, but after a year, he's still attached for whatever reasons and trying to get away from her permanently. Wish him luck, LOL!!

[BraveNewWorld]

1] My wife is home, but we have begun mediation and our marriage feels very 'dead' to me now. I never wanted it to be, and I think I'm still standing. We'll be separated in a couple of months. I took my ring off a few weeks ago after a particularly abusive 'monster' spewed at me. I was shaking for a week after that. My wife stayed with friends this weekend, and for some reason I felt the need to sleep with my ring on. Don't know why, but it felt nice - I miss it.

2] My wife had an EA with her high school sweetheart. She reluctantly stopped when I found out, and she told me that it was done with. I thought that her motivation to separate was based on her independent feelings about us, until I learned a couple of weeks ago that she is in contact with the guy still or again. I never asked her to leave, I would never ask her to, and I have made it clear to her that it is her decision, her separation. [ She considers that abusive! ]. That said, it'll be close to two years of this by the time she leaves and it has been a challenge - though I would do it again, if for no other reason than to see my children every day. A mess.

I wonder sometimes if we didn't have children would I ask her to leave. It's hard to say - I know that she meant/means the world to me with or without children and so that shouldn't matter - but right now, after so much emotional abuse ... if there were no kids involved I'd literally move to the other side of the world and rebuild. I know that I'm not supposed to take it seriously ( the abuse ) and I don't hate her at all, or hold a grudge - but it has caused a lot of damage to me, and it all felt like it came from nowhere. It'll take a while to resolve, but I know that part of this lesson is for me to establish belief in myself once and for all.

Personally, I've come to the conclusion that when a person tells you that they don't love you, there's a very good chance that it is because they're directing their love at someone else, or comparing it to how they feel/felt about someone else - or because they don't realize what love is properly. It is too hard for me to believe that someone can just stop loving a person. There's more to it than meets the eye.

[xyzcf]

It is too hard for me to believe that someone can just stop loving a person

I know, I've struggled with this.

I was thinking about a boyfriend I had who absolutely loved me..and I really never had those feelings for him and so, after a short but sweet summer, I bid him adieu.

Now as much as I sometimes get crazy that perhaps my Beloved did not love me in the 33 years we were together..in actuality, he did. I think he still does and that he thinks that I'm better off without him in some ways.

But the idea that he could stop loving me...especially with the life that we enjoyed together, the closeness, the similar interests and how he spoiled me...I've never been able to stop loving something once that love is in place. So, that's a interesting point BNW

[covenantkeeper]

We are separated since he walked out on me. He has had several emotional affairs and several female "friends". I do not know if there was anything physical, although I don't think so. The closeness with them is damaging enough, though.

I have worn my rings for over 33 years and will continue to do so. The reason is simple: I am married. And every time I look down at my hand, I am reminded of that. When I am out and strangers see me, they know I'm married. My family and friends see me and they know just by looking at my hand how I feel about this. I am married. My husband sees my rings on my finger. He knows I have not removed them. I hope it sends him a HUGE message! 

The only way I will remove my rings is if he does go through with the divorce. And even then I will not remove them until we both sign the papers. It's not until then that I will be divorced.