[What What is the status of your wedding ring?]

What What is the status of your wedding ring?

Still wear your wedding ring

42 (35.3%)

If not is it on a necklace, other hand or something

6 (5%)

Have it safely tucked away

60 (50.4%)

Gave it back

7 (5.9%)

Never had one never needed one

4 (3.4%)

Total Members Voted: 118

[Dontgiveup]

I agree HeartsBlessing.....very well put about rings, marriage licenses, and divorce papers.  The process of MLC trumps them all.  I am less concerned about my ring or divorce, and more concerned about the distance and space my ex-wife needs to process MLC.  I want to give the best possible chance for a future return, and thanks to this website and other great resources, I believe that time and acceptance of the process are keys.....and neither is easy.

[Baxter]

My H took his ring off soon after BD....I took mine off sometime in the late summer...what I do know, is once H decided to come back to the marriage, he made reference to that fact that he noticed I had taken mine off and was wearing something else on that finger.   I had bought myself a really fun, ring with a green glass stone...so, they do notice, even though they may not say it...atleast mine did.   

Today, H wears his ring occasionally.  In the past , I had given him a hard time about it( after BD and when he first came back).  I have made the choice to not give him a hard time about it now...I see his committment and don't need to pester him about the ring...Yes, I do hope to see it on him all the time, but I think that will occur once he has fully exited the tunnel.   You have to pick and choose your battles I guess.

[StillStanding]

I lost my ring when I was working a construction job and took a long time to replace it; I did so in January.

I also had my wife's wedding ring repaired, which she had stopped wearing because it lost a small diamond. She never did put it on, although she says that she wished she'd brought it on her trip to see OM(!).

I still wear mine. She is still not wearing hers.

[covenantkeeper]

The day after the bomb drop I took my rings off. I was so furious and hurt that looking at them at that time just made me cry. But, two days later, I put them back on and continue to wear them every day.

For me it is a reminder to myself that I am standing for our marriage. It is a constant reminder to me that I am married regardless of what my h does or feels. I made a commitment before God and everyone that I would be married to this man until death do us part. Now, I would still feel the same way without those rings, but they are a symbol of the covenant we made with God.

My husband has not worn his wedding band for several years. However, that was because when our twin sons were born, he was a private in the Army. We had next to nothing and 2 babies to take care of. So, he hocked his ring. It bothered me a little at first, but since he did ask me before doing it and me understanding he was doing everything he could to provide for us, I let it go. I have told him I would buy him another one, but since he works on machines, he can not wear it during work hours. So, we have put it off. It is the one thing I want to buy if we are able to reconcile. Even if he can only wear it sometimes. And that is more for me as a long overdue payment for him providing for us years ago.

I think it is up to each person to decide. However, I personally feel if your desire is for your marriage to be restored and you do not want a divorce, why would you want to remove your rings?

As people we feel differently and act different with whatever clothes we're wearing. For women, when we are at home cleaning, we might be wearing an old t-shirt and jeans or sweat pants. But, when we dress up, whether that be a dress, slacks, etc. , fix our hair, put on some makeup, we act differently!! And it's the same with men. I'm amazed that men who normally wear jeans and shirt and hardly ever wear a suit instantly start to swagger a little when they put on a suit or tuxedo. They clean up good and don't mind strutting their stuff! Their attitude is even different.

Now, why am I saying all this about clothes? Because our rings are something we wear. Just like the clothes we wear, when we wear our wedding rings or any other jewelry, we feel differently about ourselves. The clothes we wear are an adornment and they make a statement. You've heard the saying "clothes make the man"?    Our wedding rings are also an adornment and they show that symbol of a commitment. So, at least for me, because I stay committed and I am standing for our marriage, I will wear my wedding rings until my marriage is severed against my will. I told my h I would wear my rings until we are divorced and at first thought I would take them off in the courtroom. But, then I remembered you aren't actually divorced until you sign the papers and I've been told that's about 2 weeks later. So in that case, it will be after I've signed my name.

But, I am not giving up on our marriage.....I'm hanging in there even by a thread.....still wearing my rings. 

[tinydancer]

1.  Is your husband home or are you separated and if so do you still wear your wedding ring?

2.  My husband is not having an affair as far as I know.  He has had I believe, one phyical affair 10 years ago and one EA over 1 year ago.  He is in MLC or MLT and has said that he wants to leave but hasn't left yet.  Would you ask your husband to leave if he wasn't having an affair?

Since, there aren't many on the board where an affair isn't present I just wanted opinions on what each person thinks they would do.

[Still]

1.  Is your husband home or are you separated and if so do you still wear your wedding ring?

My husband is living at home. I wore my wedding ring up until he told me he was filing for divorce before Thanksgiving. Now I were my 10th anniversary band, but no wedding ring.

2.  My husband is not having an affair as far as I know.  He has had I believe, one phyical affair 10 years ago and one EA over 1 year ago.  He is in MLC or MLT and has said that he wants to leave but hasn't left yet.  Would you ask your husband to leave if he wasn't having an affair?

I don't believe my h is having an affair....fantasy affair maybe. I have not asked him to leave and do not plan on it. He will likely go of his own free will.

[HeartsBlessing]

My wedding bands were worn throughout, Tiny..I was MARRIED; and until he decided what HE was going to do, I was STILL married.

There was a time, however, while within my transition, the Lord instructed me to remove my bands for awhile; and when he didn't notice..call his attention to my bare finger...he immediately accused me of wanting to be single, LOL!!

I'm not sure to this day WHY I got that instruction; but something changed after the fight we had about it...and it caused him to think more deeply for a time, is all I know.

He was still stuck on the idea that if you didn't wear the ring; you weren't showing you were married, I believe.

[StillStanding]

1.  Is your husband home or are you separated and if so do you still wear your wedding ring?

Separated; I still wear my wedding ring.

2.  My husband is not having an affair as far as I know.  He has had I believe, one phyical affair 10 years ago and one EA over 1 year ago.  He is in MLC or MLT and has said that he wants to leave but hasn't left yet.  Would you ask your husband to leave if he wasn't having an affair?

I did not ask my wife to leave when she was obviously in the throes of an emotional affair. She did leave of her own volition, though.

[tinydancer]

HB, I have always felt the same way and continue to wear my rings though I have been thinking about removing them.  Also, he has not worn his since one week after we were married.  He said that it was getting messed up through work and he has never worn ANY jewelry anyway.

However, in years past when we had horrible fights or when we went thru his MLC years ago I removed my ring and he had a rip, snorting fit.  You would have thought I had committed adultery right then and there in front of him, lol.

[Rebel Yell]

I can only answer number 1 because my wife left months ago. She stopped wearing her rings and I went back and forth a little.
I don't wear mine now and we had a (a hem) "conversation" last week about that. She noticed I don't wear mine and I said " It will go back one when YOU put it back on!!!)