[What What is the status of your wedding ring?]

What What is the status of your wedding ring?

Still wear your wedding ring

42 (35.3%)

If not is it on a necklace, other hand or something

6 (5%)

Have it safely tucked away

60 (50.4%)

Gave it back

7 (5.9%)

Never had one never needed one

4 (3.4%)

Total Members Voted: 118

[Patience]

My H was home for several months after the BD.  He then moved out for a couple of months. 

I NEVER took my ring off.  I was and am married.  He put his back on a few weeks ago.  It's a beautiful thing to see.    I know it's bugging him sometimes, but he doesn't take it off.  He knows what it means to me. 

I didn't ask him to leave even after I learned of the OW.   I can imagine a few circumstances that it would be tempting.   I was tempted on several occasions.  I didn't do it though as that is not what I wanted.  It was hard. 

[Glimmer]

1.  Shortly after BD I took off my wedding ring but it only lasted a couple of months. I decided to carry on wearing it until I decide I am no longer standing or H decides he wants a divorce. Divorce has never been mention by him in the 14 months since he left.  A few months ago during a T&G he asked me if I still kept his wedding ring. Don't know if there was anything significant in that but we are still separated and he still doesn't wear it.

2.  At the time I don't know if I would have asked him to leave or not. He made the decision and left two weeks after bomb drop. I only found information on MLC a few months after he had gone, so based on what I know now I would not have asked him to leave.

[UNHAPPYPUP]

1.  Is your husband home or are you separated and if so do you still wear your wedding ring?

We are both wearing our wedding rings, and my H is at home.  I do casually check to see if he is wearing his daily or not as I think that if I see he isn't I may pass out because he has always been pretty strict about that. He has "accidentally" left it off twice now - both times was after he had to remove them for factory service work, I know.  I let him know I was very upset because I didn't want him to upset the kids and I did notice my S18 noticed it and had a very shocked look on his face. So maybe that is why he continues to wear it now...not sure.  Maybe he was just pushing my buttons.

2.  My husband is not and has not had a physical affair to the best of my knowledge.  I am pretty certain of this.  He did have an EA that he at some point said repeatedly that he knows he "crossed the line" but at other times chalks it up to "I wasn't happy" and the second round with the same person he excused by saying "he had to vent to her".  He now swears it is over, but given his emotional distance I am reluctant to believe him, but maybe that is just my own fear coming forward.

[whatever]

XYZCF;
I have struggled with the question about how h can just stop loving me.  It's probably the one thing I
say the most..."I just don't understand how he can turn it off after 23 years" and especially like you said
when we were so close and he made me feel like the queen of the world.  I will never understand this...
RCR could you please ask your h about this?  It would be helpful to get the prospective of someone who
has been there.

[Storm Rider]

I always wanted to make the decision as to taking of my ring from a place of peace.

On the day it was confirmed to me H was having an affair, my ring finger started to burn. My body was in shock so I ignored the feeling. But it kept burning and burning so 24 hours later in a fit of crying, I ripped my ring off. I looked at my finger, and it was, in fact blistered and red. I then realised I had been cleaning out the oven when I found out, and some of the oven cleaner must have gotten under my ring and stayed there for 24 hours. To cap it off, the following day, my ring finger got a very bad case of sunburn, so became even worse. It was weeks before I could have put my ring back on, H was walking out the door at that stage so I did not put my ring back on.

12 months later, my ring finger is permanently scarred with a red band where my wedding ring should be. I hope there is some evil little gnome laughing somewhere for giving me such a visible reminder of that day, and at least he got a chuckle out of it, sometimes the universe is a little cruel!

[LoveMeMyself]

I just finished reading most of the comments regarding to wear the ring or not.  My H removed his ring immediately upon moving out.  I wore my up until the divorce was signed.....which was Oct. 7, 2010.  I've asked my H (Ex) to return his wedding band.  The first conversation about it he told me no that he didn't intend to "throw" it away or anything.  I dropped the subject for a while but then I've asked for it again.  He said he wanted to keep it as it was a gift from me to him.  I told him that the ring meant more to me than it did him and I wanted it back.  He said he would make sure he leaves it to me in his Will.  Maybe about the 3rd or 4th conversation regarding his wedding ring he reluctantly gave in and said I could have it back.  He hasn't yet given it back to me and I haven't pressured him about it any more.  I love my rings and still wore my engagement ring for a few months.  I finally stopped wearing it as it was just a hurtful reminder of what I've lost.  He never really noticed that I was no longer wearing the ring......only had noticed when I was still wearing it.  I still wear a birthstone/diamond ring he gave me but he doesn't notice or just doesn't say anything.  So, I guess I'd like to know.......what are the thoughts regarding me asking for it back?  Should I continue asking until he returns it or just drop it?

[Purple stain]

What are your intentions when you keep asking for the ring back? I think it's a good sign that he wants to keep it and shows that he has feelings for you (whatever they may look like at this point). You will only aggrevate him if you keep asking him. Does it matter if the ring sits in his drawer or yours? Would you give your rings to him if he'd ask you to give them back to him?

From my own experience, just let him be. He has heard you and when he's ready he'll return it or not. He must have his reasons for keeping it and after all, it's his ring.

Shortly after BD, I kept asking my h the same question several times and he couldn't give me an answer. I didn't realize how counterproductive it was till my brother pointed it out to me.

I hope this helps. Just focus on yourself and let go...

[unbroken]

I second that.  Just let it be, particularly if you are hoping for some sort of reconciliation someday.

[LoveMeMyself]

Thanks Purple Stain.  I never really expected my H to return his ring.  I think it was just for me to test him to find out how he would respond to my request.  I think I might have been a little surprised when he refused saying it was a gift from me.  I had the thought in mind to remind him that he broke the promise made behind the ring but I thought better of it and didn't say any more.  I would like to believe you are right and perhaps that gives me a little more hope in the fact that he's still either confused or has feelings for me.  It's hard to explain this but I have always felt throughout the entire 13 months that my H still has feelings for me.  He has been mean, hateful, nasty and basically Monster off and on.  He has more recently become more like himself in showing some signs of kindness.........asking about me and my family.  I continue to treat him with the upmost respect and kindness........trying to show him and let him see that I'm still the same person he fell in love with and married.  I really appreciate you response.  It has helped me tremendously. 

Hugs to all!

[Rebel Yell]

I got my ring back from the jewelers today and have it on. It broke on Valentines day. I haven't wore it
for a long time thinking it might feel like pressure to Pumpkin. I also didn't want her to think I'm just
sitting around waiting for her.
It's been a while, and I'm married so I think I'll wear it, besides it looks pretty all nice and clean!