[TrustingMyHP]

I think Unbroken and xyzcf are speaking from places of great wisdom.  Thank you!

TMHP

[honour]

Many people have posted that since their MLCer isn't getting them anything, they won't get him/her anything.  That reveals a lack of detachment, being caught up in what your MLCer will or won't do or how he/she will respond.  Take a step back.  Let that go.

Would it be appropriate behaviour to send my xW a Christmas gift given she has married the OM. Should I send another man's wife a Christmas gift?

honour

[I believe in angels]

I am usually prompted by my children if they want to get gifts fir their dad and if they don't ask I won't get anything, they know I will get something if they ask. My s12 usually asks my mom to get something for me for celebrations from them, so they are not worried to ask. Not sure ic they ask h parents, they are not so close to them.

Don't get me wrong, I don't wish h a horrible Xmas but I would rather spend Xmas and pennies on people who are close to me and who I am spending time with. I have always loved Xmas and my family all get together which I and my boys love. I do not want to spend Xmas thinking about what my h thinks about me sending him a Xmas card or pressie or not. X

[Alwaysthere]

I will not be getting H a gift this year.  I did not last year either.  We do not have any regular contact and I believe it would be odd for me to send him a gift. My kids are young adults so I leave it to them to get their Dad something.  I am not withholding a gift out of spite or anger.  It feels to me it would be an act of pursuit to send something at this point. 

I did give him a gift for his birthday the first year after BD.  He made a point of wearing it the next time I saw him. But that was in the first year when he was more of a clinging boomerang. 

[Moving Forward]

Hello there,
This may help to give a perspective too

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you-feel-under-pressure-from-family-to-forget-a-drama-just-in-time-for-the-holidays/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming+%28Baggage+Reclaim+Relationship+Blog%29

This website has helped me in a lot of ways, essentially it is about being the best version of you imaginable and having relationships which are emotionally healthy and built on good self esteem.

[LoveMeMyself]

I just read this and decided to share it.  This has made me think in a slightly different way.  Even though I posted earlier on this thread that I do not intend to send a gift to my exH.......my heart has been changing.

    WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2012

An Undeserved Gift

 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

—Romans 5:8


Who is on your gift list this Christmas? Usually, we give gifts to family and friends. We want to buy gifts for people we love and people we care about. We tend to give gifts to those who treat us well, people who are kind and considerate to us. And often we will give gifts in return for gifts that we have received. Some of us will even buy gifts for our pets.

However, we generally don't buy gifts for our enemies, do we? We don't give a gift to the person who has slandered us in the past year. We don't give a gift to the irate neighbor who never has a kind word to say. We don't give a gift to someone who has tried to run us out of business. Nor do we send a gift to the thief who stole the car stereo last month.

But think about this: when God sent Jesus Christ, His Son, and gave us this ultimate gift, He gave it to us while we were still His enemies. The Bible tells us, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8.  We did nothing whatsoever to merit or deserve this gift. In fact, what we really deserve is judgment, because we all have sinned against God. We all have deliberately crossed that line.

The amazing truth of Christmas is that, in spite of our sins, God sent His Son to save us. In that tiny manger in Bethlehem, He gave us an undeserved gift.

[turkisheye]

My ex (still married but feel uncomfortable using the term H) will not be a part of our Christmas again this year. I will not be buying him a gift or card and I really doubt our D's will either. We had a great Christmas without him last year and even better we didn't have to endure the inlaws nor buy gifts for them either. We're not doing anything different and we're not leaving him out, he chose to leave.

He has said that his sister is taking her children to visit their dad in Malaysia. His mum is not going to go with them and stay home to keep him company. I can't imagine their Christmas Day. Certainly not filled with fun, laughter and family. We always have fab Christmas Days!

[honour]

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

—Romans 5:8



However, we generally don't buy gifts for our enemies, do we?

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. [Matt 6:1]

Should the MLCer/abandoner/cheater/abuser be sent gifts anonymously?

honour

[xyzcf]

However, we generally don't buy gifts for our enemies, do we?

Perhaps not, but we forgive them.

Pope John Paul II forgave Mehmet Ali Agca who tried to assassinate him. If Christmas is truly about Christ, then should we not try to follow what He taught?

[ember]

This is my third Christmas since bomb drop. The first Christmas was just brutal. I went back and forth about whether or not to have him there but finally in the end, I asked him to come over for a few hours in the morning for the kids. We did not exchange gifts but the kids got us each presents. My mother in law had stayed with me overnight on Christmas eve to support me and she was a god send. It was the hardest, most tension filled 3 hours of my life.  He was all smiles and pretending to be happy. Both kids came over to me and asked me if I was ok. I was barely keeping it together. I eventually went back to bed because I could not take it anymore. As he was leaving, he off handedly said to me in the coldest voice I have ever heard from him, "thanks for the truce" and got in his car and drove away. I wanted to throw up. I vowed then and there that I was not going to put myself or my kids through that aggain. Now, our arrangement is that the kids and I doing Christmas morning on Christmas Eve and then he picks the kids up at 2 pm and returns them on Christmas day at 2pm. My whole family gets together for dinner on Christmas day and I thought that was more important than having the kids open their presents on the 25th. It was a compromise but it seems to be working.
 I hope this helps.

.